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  1. #1
    The Idle Inquisitor Member rebelscum's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
    http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

    My fave bit.

    [trumpets]
    PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
    CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
    PILATE: Hail.
    CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
    PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: What, sir?
    PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: Ah.
    [whump]
    BRIAN: Aagh!
    PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
    BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
    PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
    BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
    CENTURION: Has what, sir?
    PILATE: Spiwit.
    CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
    PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
    CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
    PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
    BRIAN: To what, sir?
    PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
    [slap]
    BRIAN: Aaah!
    CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
    PILATE: What?
    CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
    PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
    BRIAN: Aah!
    [whump]
    PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
    BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
    PILATE: A Woman?
    BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
    BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
    PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
    BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
    CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
    PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
    PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
    'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
    CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
    PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
    gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
    BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
    [slap]
    Aaah! Eh.
    PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
    CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
    PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
    CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
    GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
    PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
    else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: ...Dickus?
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
    'Biggus'...
    GUARD #3: [chuckle]
    PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
    GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
    PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
    called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
    GUARDS: [laughing]
    PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
    GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
    PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
    Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
    Blow your noses and seize him!
    I hate my signature!

  2. #2

    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Thats why they call those snake paths.

    Anytime you siege you want atleast 3 times the number of the enemy. Second you want mutiple Breaches. without them you will loose more men and the enemy can bottleneck you.

    I found it you have a mod or fix the hardy heat bugs and then played as they would back then in tactics you will do well. If you play like an RTS and just build and rush you will lose men and possible get AI path issue which will result in maybe you losing a possible overwelming win.

    Lt
    LT_1956 Creator of SPQR: Total War


    SPQR:TW Mod forums

  3. #3

    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by lt1956
    Thats why they call those snake paths.

    Anytime you siege you want atleast 3 times the number of the enemy. Second you want mutiple Breaches. without them you will loose more men and the enemy can bottleneck you.

    I found it you have a mod or fix the hardy heat bugs and then played as they would back then in tactics you will do well. If you play like an RTS and just build and rush you will lose men and possible get AI path issue which will result in maybe you losing a possible overwelming win.

    Lt

    Errr... Huh? "hardy heat bugs"?

    I suppose there's a link somewhere? Help? Please?

    Who wills, can.
    Who tries, does.
    Who loves, lives.

    (Anne McCaffrey)


  4. #4
    The Idle Inquisitor Member rebelscum's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    What! You mean to say you've never heard of 'hardy heat bugs'! Where have you been man, the moon?
    I hate my signature!

  5. #5

    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by rebelscum
    What! You mean to say you've never heard of 'hardy heat bugs'! Where have you been man, the moon?
    Now, really... If you bother to post, why not post the answer... How rude!


    Or, could it be that you have no idea what I'm talking about? Hmm?
    Who wills, can.
    Who tries, does.
    Who loves, lives.

    (Anne McCaffrey)


  6. #6

    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    My assaults on cities have very, very often degenerated into the utter destruction of the thin line of sanity between me and the incomprehensible rage that dominates most of my brain. If there's no-one in the house, such roars of utter hatred and contempt of the AI programmers life emanate from within my home that even a Khornate Daemon Prince would be cowed.

    When I order a line of men outside the plaza in preparation for a charge is the worst. Maybe my computer is sentient and hates me. Or more likely, the people in charge of the AI need to be horrifically brutalised, and airdropped directly on the South Pole from ten thousand feet up with lead shoes. But either way I have caused the small children outside to stop their game of football in shock when my barbaric roar comes out the window because my guys have decided it would be a fantastic idea to simply march straight past where they're meant to be, a place still a bright cheery yellow so they know they're meant to be there, and just wander into the plaza. Usually immediately provoking a massive charge from the defenders with all sorts of infantry and cavalry. Having had heavy casualties forced upon me by the unreasoning worthlessness of the AI, I then get to order a full attack and watch as the pathfinding seems to consider the plaza as unbreachable except by very specific areas, so they all run off whilst getting murdered.
    Love is a well aimed 24 pounder howitzer with percussion shells.

  7. #7
    The Idle Inquisitor Member rebelscum's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by Khorak
    My assaults
    ..
    pathfinding seems to consider the plaza as unbreachable except by very specific areas, so they all run off whilst getting murdered.
    Yes the pathfinding is dire. Ok so maybe ordering your whole army to run to the centre of the city is a bit much. But even if you set waypoints, more often than not the units go into confused mode.

    Ok here is another niggle. When I have breached the walls I would like one unit to climb up the nearest tower and silence it. Now this only seems to work with the towers next to the gates. On one occasion I had made a hole in the far right hand corner of the city, ordered my troops in unopposed. Then I tried to get a unit up to silence the next tower. They just stood there being shot at and would not climb up onto the battlement, they weren't in skirmish mode either. So all I can think of is that they were just plain idle.
    (General: Ok men, we're in, you skirmishers take the tower and run on to take the gate.
    Idle skirmisher: *pushes someone forward* Go on then, you first.
    Pushed skirmisher: Not me, I've got a sore foot.
    General: Get moving, take that damn tower they are shooting at my bodyguard.
    Idle Skirmisher: Does he have to shout?
    Random skirmisher: Yes I'm getting a bit sick of that myself, lets ignore him completely.
    General *arrow pings off helmet*: Bloody hell, move it you dogs!
    Idle skirmisher: *pushes someone else forward* Better do as he says.
    Pushed skirmisher: Gerroff, I'm knackered.
    Genreal: *Clutches at arrow in chest* urghhhhhh!
    Idle skirmisher: Couldn't have happened to a better person. Right lads, who's for a beer.
    Skirmishers together: Beer .. beer .. beer.)

    I hate my signature!

  8. #8
    The Idle Inquisitor Member rebelscum's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by Cornflower
    Now, really... If you bother to post, why not post the answer... How rude!


    Or, could it be that you have no idea what I'm talking about? Hmm?
    Didn't you detect the hint of sarcasm in my tone. I haven't heard of 'hardy heat bugs' either, hence the joke.
    I hate my signature!

  9. #9

    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by rebelscum
    Didn't you detect the hint of sarcasm in my tone. I haven't heard of 'hardy heat bugs' either, hence the joke.
    Well... I wasn't really sure, so I was kinda semi-sarcastic back at ya. Nevermind. Just ignore me until I go away.
    Who wills, can.
    Who tries, does.
    Who loves, lives.

    (Anne McCaffrey)


  10. #10
    Uber Fowl Member TheDuck's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by rebelscum
    The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
    http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

    My fave bit.

    [trumpets]
    PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
    CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
    PILATE: Hail.
    CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
    PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: What, sir?
    PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: Ah.
    [whump]
    BRIAN: Aagh!
    PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
    BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
    PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
    BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
    CENTURION: Has what, sir?
    PILATE: Spiwit.
    CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
    PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
    CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
    PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
    BRIAN: To what, sir?
    PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
    [slap]
    BRIAN: Aaah!
    CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
    PILATE: What?
    CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
    PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
    BRIAN: Aah!
    [whump]
    PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
    BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
    PILATE: A Woman?
    BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
    BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
    PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
    BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
    CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
    PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
    PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
    'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
    CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
    PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
    gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
    BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
    [slap]
    Aaah! Eh.
    PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
    CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
    PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
    CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
    GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
    PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
    else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: ...Dickus?
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
    'Biggus'...
    GUARD #3: [chuckle]
    PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
    GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
    PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
    called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
    GUARDS: [laughing]
    PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
    GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
    PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
    Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
    Blow your noses and seize him!
    You, sir, have a great sense of humor. Some of the most hilarious stuff I've read on any forum, at any time.

    And yes, the Life of Brian is just classic stuff. My personal preference is the whole 'What have the Romans ever done for us?' sequence. Riotous.
    The Duck

    Although plans don't survive contact with the enemy,
    they help focus the mind!

    Plan. Improvise as needed.

  11. #11
    The Idle Inquisitor Member rebelscum's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    What have the romans ever done for us?. Sounds like a good title for my next post
    I hate my signature!

  12. #12
    Wandering Historian Member eadingas's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    What indeed...
    I'm still not here

  13. #13
    Member Member Celt Centurion's Avatar
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    Default Re: City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

    Quote Originally Posted by rebelscum
    The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
    http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

    My fave bit.

    [trumpets]
    PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
    CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
    PILATE: Hail.
    CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
    PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: What, sir?
    PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
    CENTURION: Ah.
    [whump]
    BRIAN: Aagh!
    PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
    BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
    PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
    BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
    CENTURION: Has what, sir?
    PILATE: Spiwit.
    CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
    PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
    CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
    PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
    BRIAN: To what, sir?
    PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
    [slap]
    BRIAN: Aaah!
    CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
    PILATE: What?
    CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
    PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
    BRIAN: Aah!
    [whump]
    PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
    BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
    PILATE: A Woman?
    BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
    [slap]
    Aah!
    PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
    BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
    PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
    BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
    CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
    PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
    PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
    CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
    'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
    CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
    PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
    gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
    BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
    [slap]
    Aaah! Eh.
    PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
    GUARD #4: [chuckling]
    PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
    CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
    PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
    CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
    GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
    PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
    else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: ...Dickus?
    GUARD #1: [chuckling]
    PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
    'Biggus'...
    GUARD #3: [chuckle]
    PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
    GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
    PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
    called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
    GUARDS: [laughing]
    PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
    GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
    PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
    Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
    Blow your noses and seize him!


    This is TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Funny!!!

    I am still laughing my head off!

    Celt Centurion

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