City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

**Brutus** · 09-02-2005, 11:21

There's one as well in the discription of the aquaduct ("What have the Romans ever done for us? This, that's what!" )

Really funny thread indeed. Nice to see you reposted the Diary of a diplomat again, Rebelscum, that's absolutely brilliant!

**rebelscum** · 09-02-2005, 12:10

I'm ROFLMAO. I got another one. I just had a bridge battle with the Gauls near Massilia. Half way through the battle I noticed the gaul light inf were moving near the edge of the water, then they started to wade in, waist high then neck high. Then they proceeded to drown in droves.

This caused a mass panic and they decided to rout, not away from the bridge like you would think, but over it into the waiting arms of my cavalry!

Where they all died to a man, and most ungraciously (*shrugging* and saying things like, mon deu, c'est las vie, je ne compreds pas, etc etc, yes I know my French is crap and yes I know the gauls didn't speak French

)
Now I haven't played much since the patch and my last job in London where I was away all day. But surely this never happend post patch, or not that I could remember.
Then when the massacre was over, one of my units heading over the bridge decided to wade in too, I only just caught it before the entire unit was lost. I cursored around for a while looking at the bodies lying at the bottom of the river.

You would have thought the Gauls could swim, they all look like Mark Spitz (for all you young uns, Olympic multi gold medal winning swimmer and Gaul impersonator).

Sacre bleu, A gaul if I ever saw one.

**Hold Steady** · 09-02-2005, 13:11

Had a battle yesterday evening, the (stupid) numidians attacking Carthage with a zillion libian cavalry and a few skirmisher foot units. I had one slinger unit and a skirmisher myself and of course large walls. So, I finished of the two foot units with missiles and there they stood for the remainder of the day, half a stack of nubian missile cavalry.
Being bored I sallied out with one such unit myself to tease a few to the walls. one or two followed and a returned inside, except one lone cavalier kept riding in circles inside the gatehouse ^%$%^#!
Luckily the enemy didn't follow (not that I fear the head-on charge of light infantry, but anyhow, and I wonder at which level of walls you get the hot oil..) but it kept circling there for minutes, only to come inside after moving the entire unit a few steps further (they allready were at the town square).

Rabied horse?
Rabied rider?

Numidian Libyan cavalry captain: The Gate is left open, attack! This is our chance!
cavalrist1: No way dude, that horse is foaming, frothing from the mouth. No way I get near that beast. Haven't had my shots, my mother never gave permission for the vaccin, she's got some religion against needles.
Captain: You idiot! He's foaming because he's been running around in circles all day.
cavalrist2: Looks to me we got ourselves a regular chicken-egg enigma..
Captain: Ehh? What's that?
cavalrist2: well, which was first? Has the circling caused the foaming or is it foaming because of rabies? In which case it must be circling because of rabies and hence it foams. Fascinating dilemma really..
cavalrist3: indeed
cavalrist4-60: *looking puzzled*
cavalrist1: You cannot take too many chances. I'm staying. My health is my most prized possesion.
Captain: I will take that job offer up for saharan camel driver now that I think of it. Nothing wrong with staring to the stars over a camp fire of camel dung.

**The Stranger** · 09-02-2005, 17:42

Rebelscum check the library in the meadhall (the sticky) you ca find it in R of rebelscum

**rebelscum** · 09-02-2005, 22:42

Ah the old 'mead hall library ploy' eh. I must remember that when I want to really annoy someone.

Thanks Stranger, BTW I re-posted DOAD on this forum.

**rebelscum** · 09-03-2005, 10:43

Oh dear oh dear oh dear, during one of my latest battles, both armies suddenly dissapeared apart from their banners.
Zooming closer I could see them, it was sort of like some low lying fog had obscured my view of the army. When I zoomed out again they dissapeared back into the 'fog'. I waited to see what would happen, and I saw the Gauls unit flags continue to approach my army flags and begin to annihalate them by the sound of it. My flags then routed off the battlefield. What fun.

General: Where'd everybody go? Centurion, Centurion, where the hell are you?
Cent: Here sir.
General: Where?
Centurion: I can hear you but I can't see you.
General: Me too .. what happened to the troops?
Centurion: Well they were ahead of me a minute ago just as we started attacking up the hill!
General: Well you better find them and tell them to retreat until we find out whats going on.
*sounds of battle and screaming*
Centurion: Erm, we may be a little late.
*retreat!, retreat!, we are being attacked!, sounds of hundreds of footsteps running past*
General: Centurion .. Centurion.
Centurion: Yes sir.
*sound of Gaulish war cry comes from all around*
General: Were dead.
Centurion: I know sir, sorry sir.

**The Stranger** · 09-03-2005, 12:40

DOAD???, was that, do you remember me i used to be Emperor Umeu I

**rebelscum** · 09-04-2005, 12:08

Originally Posted by Hold Steady

Rabied horse?
Rabied rider?

Numidian Libyan cavalry captain: The Gate is left open, attack! This is our chance!
cavalrist1: No way dude, that horse is foaming, frothing from the mouth. No way I get near that beast. Haven't had my shots, my mother never gave permission for the vaccin, she's got some religion against needles.
Captain: You idiot! He's foaming because he's been running around in circles all day.
cavalrist2: Looks to me we got ourselves a regular chicken-egg enigma..
Captain: Ehh? What's that?
cavalrist2: well, which was first? Has the circling caused the foaming or is it foaming because of rabies? In which case it must be circling because of rabies and hence it foams. Fascinating dilemma really..
cavalrist3: indeed
cavalrist4-60: *looking puzzled*
cavalrist1: You cannot take too many chances. I'm staying. My health is my most prized possesion.
Captain: I will take that job offer up for saharan camel driver now that I think of it. Nothing wrong with staring to the stars over a camp fire of camel dung.

Makes you think though.
What came first, the disease or the animal with the disease. Lets all go hang Darwin