own book

[Sjakihata]

I am considering to write my own book about the sengoku jidai period. The perspectives should: politics, warfare, and culture.
It will be somewhat historical accurate concerning major events, battles etc. I will use some of the great leaders, invent new ones, and use some existed under other names.
I will write for my own amusement, expirence, and personal development.

This is the introduction:

"The sky was bright; it was a clear autumn day with a slight breeze, and a perfect day for hunting. The falcon used the upward winds to rise a little further, scouted the ground beneath for prey. On the ground the hunting party watched with excitement the falcon, looking for prey. Suddenly in some nearby bushes, there was movement. A hare was running toward the hunting party. The falcon detected the movement, almost immediately, and flew downward like a hunting arrow. It was ek ek eking and the cry filled the sky. By now the hare had realized the present danger, and was running blindly to find cover. The hunting party had moved a little, not to get in the way of the hare and falcon. The falcon was ten meters away and closing, now just above its prey. The falcon used its talons to grab the hare, and just in that instant an arrow hit the hunt master in his chest. All around the hunting party, men with bows and wakazashis appeared. However the hunt continued and the hare was caught, and killed. In the hunting party were ten samurai, as an honour guard. And they charged blindly at the enemy, and the enemy bowmen shot their arrows again. There were four bowmen, and they all hit their targets. Two hit the same attacker, the honour guard captain, the two other bowmen hit tow different targets. The captain, which was hit twice, screamed and fell to the ground, the others continued. Now the enemy counter charged, and the battle was furious. When they clashed, the attackers had an advantage with their longer swords; katanas. But when in melee the shorter wakazashis were more doable. The air was filled with battle screams, orders were shouted, but not followed. It was the pure havoc. But all fought bravely. And the enemy was winning; they were also twice as many men as the hunting party. And soon the battle ended. Twelve enemies were left, none samurai. In the hunting party, there was: the daimyo, his heir, two ladies, and one general. They were all slaughtered.
The day was more beautiful than ever, the enemy captain thought to himself, watching the falcon flew away. He, Akechi Takonuchi captain of the fourth squadron of the ronin regiment and hatamoto, had succeeded."


why I am not writeing in danish? Then the most of the dojo cannot read it

Perhaps if it is done, I will donate it to the dojo.

Please come with some response, constructive critisism and suggestions for: plots, characters writing techniques/styles etc.

Thank you in advance


EDIT: how the hell to you spell "brize" (I mean a little wind)


EDIT: added breeze instead of brize

[This message has been edited by Sjakihata Akechi (edited 07-25-2002).]

[chilliwilli]

Nice intro I'm sure it will be good.

P.S. Do you mean breeze?

[Sjakihata]

Yeah breeze... Thanks...

[Tachikaze]

It would be nice if you could post your story here. Maybe you could post it in parts, like a serial. Each part could end with a "cliffhanger" (a cut before the resolution of an action sequence that causes the reader to anticipate the next installment).

I have three suggestions:

1) I wasn't quite clear about the people involved in the melee, and any onlookers. It might be best to describe who is at the hunt before the archers arrive.

2) The arrow that strikes the hunt master is sudden, which is good. But, after the arrow strikes, give the reader a moment to realize what has happened (we say in the US "let it sink in"). For instance, describe how the hunt master and/or the others in the hunting party react. I missed the significance of the arrow the first time I read it.

3) Please avoid clichés, like ninja and stoic samurai who have no emotions or common human desires, quirks, and weaknesses. That's a request, not a suggestion.

Have fun. I'm in the middle of writing and adventure, myself.

------------------
Knowing the Tao saves you thousands of dollars in psychiatric bills and credit card debt.

[Sjakihata]

1) Good. that was actually the part I wanted most response on. As the author I of course could track the people, but was not quite sure if the reader could. I cannot reveal their identies, but I might add colour to them and say eg. red hunting party blue attackers.

2) Yeah. More description and adjectives I will use. But as pointed out, I would make it quick and sudden, the ambush. But I might add a phrase to describe the sourrondings.

3) And I can assure you that my ninjas will not be cled in balck with mask etc
If I decide to use ninjas, I will use them more shinobi like, information gatheres and spies. Of course if one are hired for an assassination attemp he will most like be cled in dark blue.
Of course samurai have emotions, however older and cunning samurai can hide them


Thank you VERY much for your reply

[Orion12]

I'm not alone in doing this.

I have been writing a novelesque story about my Oda campaign in Shogun. Following the military, politics and personal interests of numerous characters inspired from their in game counterparts.
It's being written from a number of perspectives, from the clan daimyo, his advisor, even a lowly ashigaru and samurai enlisted in Oda's army.
I also incorporate a little character and life into my generals, my shinobi, assassins and emissaries.

I use the events in my campaign to determine the basic flow of the story and write according to how those events have played out, so I have to take into account things such as religion, gaijin, and allies and enemies.

[Sjakihata]

Mine is NOT a battle story, it is normal book. But perhaps I can be inspired by one of my campaigns. Please send me you battle story at eech@sol.dk in word if possible.

Interesting guys. I've often thought about writing such stories like Orions, just never got time for it anymore.

Hmm. Have you read the stories written by me and TigerShark about the history of the Twin Tigers clan? Perhaps you might wanna read those? Twin Tigers was two clans that merged. Shark made a history loosely based on his clan, I made one based on my background in the game. Was pretty good I felt, Shark finished his first, and when I read his I adapted mine to fit in with his.

I can send copies in Word to you Sjakihata, but they are still hosted at the old Tigers site I think so you could check them out there.
http://www.twintigersclan.homestead.com/History.html

Note that the histories for Octavian and Shark are the same as the ChainClan History. Chaos Clan doesn't have a History, and Toranaga's history is stand-alone.

------------------
The Soul

"What people do to other souls
They take their lives - destroy their goals
Their basic pride and dignity
Is stripped and torn and shown no pity....
When this could be Heaven for Everyone"
Queen - Heaven for Everyone

MaJesticSoul Sakai

[Orion12]

Yeah mine just isn't about the battles. I have included a lot of political debate that takes place in the form of Oda council meetings where discussions range from the debate about taking assistance from foreigners and their weapons (something Oda Nobunaga would become famous for) as well as discussing potential conflicts with enemies, organizing armies, and provincial development.
Politics during the Sengoku Jidai were just as interesting as the conflict I find.

[Sjakihata]

Orion I could not agree more, the politics and intrigue are very exciting in that era.

And PLEASE send me that story of yours.


The Soul some cool stories too

[Orion12]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sjakihata Akechi:
[B]Orion I could not agree more, the politics and intrigue are very exciting in that era.

And PLEASE send me that story of yours.


Sorry, it's not finished, I'm only 80 pages into it and I won't be able to work on it until I upgrade my PC so I can play Shogun again and continue my campaign.


[This message has been edited by Orion12 (edited 07-26-2002).]

[Tachikaze]

I was at Hiei-zan (Mount Hiei, north of Kyoto) last year and heard the story of Oda Nobunaga's burning of the entire mountain. Only one building of the Buddhist temple complex on the top survived. It would be interesting to have a character(s) in a story caught in that fire, and have to escape it. History and adventure in one!

------------------
Knowing the Tao saves you thousands of dollars in psychiatric bills and credit card debt.

[Taohn]

Very well done, although you might want to consider a bit more build up prior to the fight. Also, when writing a story set in an entirely different culture, it's easy to forget that those people interpret and react to a situation very differently than you might. It doesn't really matter that much, but as you get deeper into the story you might consider that. Either way, try getting you hands on a copy of The Japanese Mind

Other than that, I hope you have a lot of fun with this project.

[Sjakihata]

That I will have

And yeah, sometimes it is difficult to adjust to some entirely different culture and mentality.

But I have done some research, read a couple of books, and I think I got the hang of it