You know your an alcholic when

You Know You Drink Too Much When...
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.

You have a "happy hour" at home

When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?

You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land

Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car

"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."

Your favorite drink is ethanol.

"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!"

"I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."

You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.

You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before

Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while

You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast

You frequently urinate outdoors.

When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.

You fall asleep taking a dump.

You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.

You find it's easier to study drunk.

You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

Beer ads make sense.

You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.

The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".

You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

You mix your cocktails by the litre.

You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.

You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.

When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.

You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

You can focus better with one eye closed

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

You fall off the floor.

You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

Vampires get woozy after bitting you.

At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.

If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.

"Take me drunk, I'm home!"

You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.

You drink to get over a hangover.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.

none of them actually mean you're an alco, actually they are more likely to happen to a binge drinker.
thanks,
dessa

its a joke.

You fall off the floor.

LOL

You're an Alcoholic when you accept you're one of them.
Until you're senator of massachusset don't know

Originally Posted by dessa14

none of them actually mean you're an alco, actually they are more likely to happen to a binge drinker.
thanks,
dessa

ie are British.

Its not Binge drinking if you do it every day!

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but everybody I know when they get drunk they slur their words, not move letters around

Do you know the difference between an alcholic and a drunk?
Us drunks don't have to go to all them d*&m meetings!

I'm not an alchoholic. I don't even drink, but I still put off peeing in an attempt to achieve the aptly named "zen-like piss." Just thinking of it is relaxing.

"Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive."

This one is so groce it's funny. I actully knew someone who f'ed his own cat.

Originally Posted by Byzantine_Prince

"Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive."

This one is so groce it's funny. I actully knew someone who f'ed his own cat.

Dude if your friend was female I think you've got the wrong meaning of the word pussy

lol; no dude he actually made love to his own cat. A male cat.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

This one made me laugh for some reason...