Time Commanders: Embarrassing to Watch

[Didz]

Caught another episode of the repeated series of Time Commanders last night. The Battle of Chalon between Attila's Hunnic Army and the Romans.

I was reminded of how painfully embarrassing Time Commanders was for certain teams who volunteered to take part. The team last night consisted of two officers and two NCO's from the Army Cadet Force and watching them fall apart under pressure set your teeth on edge. The senior officer seemed to literally go to pieces under the pressure and became unable to form a coherent sentence let alone a clear instruction by the time the battle reached its peak. The two NCO's were clearly less than inspired by his leadership, one (Pat) began acting completely without orders and left the troops controlled by the other (Chris) to stand and get massacred without support whilst (Chris) seemed to be unwilling to use his initiative at all, or to explain to his battle shocked commander exactly what was happening to his men.

The other memorable team were a bunch of Local Politicians from a strategic planning committee in Milton Keynes who seemed completely unable to plan anything and considered the distaster they created to be highly amusing. Not good news for Milton Keynes and small wonder the city practically went bankrupt last year.

The best team I recall was a team of female netball players who knew nothing about ancient warfare but actually managed to communicate so well they won.

My motto is if you are judged in anyway upon your ability to lead, manage or work as a team, avoid going on Time Commanders like the plague, because if you have any weaknesses in your abilities you can be sure the entire country is going to witness them ably demonstrated on national TV during the course of the game.

[MAsta_KFC]

Damn, I wish there time commanders here in Australia. I watched a *coughdownloadedcough* episode once and it was quite amusing to say the least. All the other episodes sound interesting too.

[Mikeus Caesar]

Time Commanders is quite funny. It just goes to show, good things do happen to the british peoples.

[Didz]

I heard that participants were screened to elminate anyone with an interest in wargaming or military history (so how a team of Army Cadet Officers got through is anybodies guess) but some of the idea's the teams come up with a really amusing.

One guy based his entire strategy on the film 'Ben Hur', not surprisingly he lost. Another came up with the idea that Romans fought best in thin red lines, as per Waterloo, he lost.

Then there was the team who thought it made sense to sort their army into troops classes. All the archers on one hill, all the infantry on another and all the cavalry on a third. They Lost.

There was the team who thought if they concentrated their entire Roman army on the task of killing Boudicca then the Brits would turn tail and run. They did kill Boudicca but the Brits didn't run.

Last night we were treated to the spectacle of Hun Horse Archers being used in static defense and accepting close quarter battle with Roman Infantry Cohorts, whilst Gallic Infantry were shot to pieces by Roman Archers elsewhere on the field.

Then there was the team who were so obsessed with the Roman ability to form what they called 'Turtles' that they insisted on all their infantry fighting the entire battle in testudo formation, even making them reform it when the formation was auto-overridden by the AI in order to enable the unit to fight back.

There was the team of school children led by their history teacher, who bascially rebelled against their self-appointed leader as soon as the battle began and won despite his crap strategy. That one was fun to watch becuase being younger they didn't feel the need to suppress their emotions in front of the camera's so there was loads of shouting and cheering and the teacher just got told to shut-up.

To be honest the battles aren't that interesting but the effect they have on the teams playing them is the real entertainment, you can see the stress levels rising as the battle progresses and like last night the affect on some people is amazing. I would hate to be under command of the Army Officer in charge of the Hun Army in that battle, the bottom line was that when the sh*t hit the fan he quite literally went to pieces and couldn't even articulate properly. In a real battle it would have been a bullet in the back of the head job and let the NCO's take over.

[Mikeus Caesar]

There was the team of school children led by their history teacher, who bascially rebelled against their self-appointed leader as soon as the battle began and won despite his crap strategy.

What was the teachers supposedly crap strategy?

That one was fun to watch becuase being younger they didn't feel the need to suppress their emotions in front of the camera's so there was loads of shouting and cheering and the teacher just got told to shut-up.

I'd hate to think how much detention they got after that.....i told a teacher to shut up and nearly got permanent detention.

[Didz]

What was the teachers supposedly crap strategy?

I can't recall, to be honest, I remember him making a decent job of briefing the childen prior to the battle starting but as soon as the first arrow flew the children just went for it. If I remember rightly his second in command was a girl and she basically took over and starting shouting orders to the guys on the ground and he could hardly get a word in edgeways.

I think the problem a lot of the teams have is that they assume the battle will be something like chess, where there will be time to sit and think and discuss things but as soon the the AI begins moving it just keeps going and that catches a lot of the teams totally offguard.

Amazingly this seems to catch the more professional players, like the Army Officers and Strategic Planners out the most perhaps because they seem to need time to think before acting. Children and sports teams seem to do better because they are used to interacting with each other and responding quickly to events.

[Didz]

I can remember the strategy from last nights battle Huns v Romans.

Attilla's army was mostly Hun Horse Archers with a few Gallic Warbands and two units of heavy cavalry. The Late Roman army it faced was about equal in numbers but mainly infantry cohorts supported by Alan Mercenary Cavalry.

The battlefield was open rolling countryside with a small hill to the right centre about mid-way between the two armies and a large wood running down the right hand side.

The ACF Officer (Neil) decided that the hill was the key to victory and
that it had to be taken and held by his Hun army. When battle opened the Huns ran for the hilltop expecting to be racing the Romans to get there, but they arrived to find the Romans hadn't moved.

The Gallic Infantry were deployed on the hilltop with the horse archers behind them in support and everyone sat back and waited for the Romans to attack. Pat, (one of the NCO's) got impatient and requested permission to move the Heavy Cavalry through the woods on the right and to attack the Roman Army in the flank. He got permission and the HC moved off into the woods.

Meanwhile the Romans realising they were not going to be attacked decided to move their archers forward and start picking off the lightly armoured gauls on the top of the hill. The Gauls began dying very quickly whilst the Hun horse archers sat on their horses and watched. Chris the NCO in charge of the Gauls ordered his own gallic archers to advance and return fire and got his wrist slapped by Niel for exposing his men to undue risk.

Pat said 'Don't worry sir my cavalry will charge into their flank and roll them up.' Which was actually rubbish as his cavalry were now behind the Roman left flank and the Roman archers were miles away on the forward slope of the hill. But it was what Neil wanted to hear so he got approval and Neil decided that nothing further needed to be done and so the Gauls continued to die pointlessly on top of the small hill.

Pat's heavy cavalry charged out of the woods into the Roman left flank routing a unit of Roman cavalry and causing considerable confusion but being completely unsupported soon found itself surrounded by Roman Infantry and driven off back into the woods with heavy losses.

Now, the Roman General having probably run out of arrows and with very little left alive on the hill anyway decided to advance his infantry up the slope in two lines. The Roman first line easily drove the Gauls off the hilltop much to Neils confusion as he thought he had ordered the hilltop to be held. Chris tried to point out that this was because all his infantry were dead or routed but Neil merely told him to regroup and retake it, observing a few minutes later that the Roman's still held it, to be told once again that this was because the Gallic infantry were dead and routed.

Neil "The Romans have taken the hill."
Chris "Yes Sir, the Gallic infantry are dead or routing."
Niel "We must retake the hill."
Chris "I have no men left."
Neil "Regroup, and attack."
Chris "My men are routing, Sir."
Neil "We must retake the hill."

This nonesense went on for some time whilst the Romans reformed on the hilltop unopposed. Then Chris clearly fed up with Neils total inability to grasp the tactical situation committed two units of horse archers to charge one of the units of Roman Heavy Infantry. They got slaughtered and were then chased off the map by the Alan Cavalry. The only effect was to glavanise the Romans into further action and they now advanced en-masse down the reverse slope of the hill towards the remaining Hunnic Horse Archers.

Neil "We must retake the hill."
Chris gritted his teeth and did nothing.

The Roman infantry walk over the Hun Horse Archers and destroy them in detail. The Alan cavalry notice Attilla standing about on his own with dazed look on his face muttering about a hill and kill him.

Neil "We must retake the hill."
Chris "I have no men left"
Neil "Regroup and attack."
Chris [silence]

Pat "Don't worry sir! I have 40 cavalry left I will charge and retake the hill."
Neil "Yes. We must retake the hill." [dazed look on face]

Pat's 40 surviving Heavy Cavalry charge out of the wood into the middle of the Roman infantry and die.

Neil "We must retake the hill."

The Alan cavalry are now chasing fleeing Huns off the field and massacring them like rabbits.

Neil "We must retake the hill."
Silence.
Neil "Regroup quickly and attack."
Silence.
Neil "The Romans have captured the hill."

Defeat: End of Game

Presenter: "What do you think went wrong?"
Neil "The Romans took the hill."

[Ar7]

I heard that participants were screened to elminate anyone with an interest in wargaming or military history (so how a team of Army Cadet Officers got through is anybodies guess) but some of the idea's the teams come up with a really amusing.

One guy based his entire strategy on the film 'Ben Hur', not surprisingly he lost. Another came up with the idea that Romans fought best in thin red lines, as per Waterloo, he lost.

Then there was the team who thought it made sense to sort their army into troops classes. All the archers on one hill, all the infantry on another and all the cavalry on a third. They Lost.

There was the team who thought if they concentrated their entire Roman army on the task of killing Boudicca then the Brits would turn tail and run. They did kill Boudicca but the Brits didn't run.

Last night we were treated to the spectacle of Hun Horse Archers being used in static defense and accepting close quarter battle with Roman Infantry Cohorts, whilst Gallic Infantry were shot to pieces by Roman Archers elsewhere on the field.

Then there was the team who were so obsessed with the Roman ability to form what they called 'Turtles' that they insisted on all their infantry fighting the entire battle in testudo formation, even making them reform it when the formation was auto-overridden by the AI in order to enable the unit to fight back.

There was the team of school children led by their history teacher, who bascially rebelled against their self-appointed leader as soon as the battle began and won despite his crap strategy. That one was fun to watch becuase being younger they didn't feel the need to suppress their emotions in front of the camera's so there was loads of shouting and cheering and the teacher just got told to shut-up.

To be honest the battles aren't that interesting but the effect they have on the teams playing them is the real entertainment, you can see the stress levels rising as the battle progresses and like last night the affect on some people is amazing. I would hate to be under command of the Army Officer in charge of the Hun Army in that battle, the bottom line was that when the sh*t hit the fan he quite literally went to pieces and couldn't even articulate properly. In a real battle it would have been a bullet in the back of the head job and let the NCO's take over.

think if they were real generals.....

[Kommodus]

I heard that participants were screened to elminate anyone with an interest in wargaming or military history (so how a team of Army Cadet Officers got through is anybodies guess) but some of the idea's the teams come up with a really amusing.

Not exactly. At the battle of Gaugamela, the team of friends had all been interested in wargaming in the past, and even had some knowledge of Alexander's battles. They formed a good strategy, and in spite of some problems in its execution, won quite convincingly.

One guy based his entire strategy on the film 'Ben Hur', not surprisingly he lost.

I'm not sure which episode this one is; I seem to remember seeing it, but I can't remember which battle they were fighting.

Another came up with the idea that Romans fought best in thin red lines, as per Waterloo, he lost.

This was the battle of Watling Street (Romans versus Boudicea's revolt). The team did the opposite of the right thing at every opportunity, and to top it off, was incapable of effective communication due to constant arguing. The thin Roman lines were shattered by British chariots.

Then there was the team who thought it made sense to sort their army into troops classes. All the archers on one hill, all the infantry on another and all the cavalry on a third. They Lost.

I think you're referring to Bibracte, in which the team divided their army according to which troops each lieutenant commanded. Incidentally, this resulted in most of the heavy infantry in one location, while the light infantry and cavalry were in a separate location. The massive Helvetii army went straight for the weaker section, with the light infantry, and smashed it completely. However, when they advanced on the Roman heavy infantry, the team's defensive formation repelled them and routed them completely. The team won.

There was the team who thought if they concentrated their entire Roman army on the task of killing Boudicca then the Brits would turn tail and run. They did kill Boudicca but the Brits didn't run.

This was another event in the battle of Watling Street. They fixated on this strategy as a last-ditch attempt, when their other units were being isolated, surrounded, and destroyed. They sent their General's cavalry to attack Boudicea's chariots, but even this attack failed. Aided by some of her infantry, Boudicea survived.

Then there was the team who were so obsessed with the Roman ability to form what they called 'Turtles' that they insisted on all their infantry fighting the entire battle in testudo formation, even making them reform it when the formation was auto-overridden by the AI in order to enable the unit to fight back.

Once again, this was from the battle of Watling Street. They thought the testudo was intended for close-quarters combat, instead of for repelling missile weapons (of which the British had none).

Some teams actually executed good strategies, and managed to fight entertaining battles. Battles such as Raphia, Gaugamela, and Trebia are examples of this. Even some defeated teams showed some ability, such as those who fought at Adrianople and Mons Grapius (both tough fights to begin with). Then there were the teams that won desperate battles by discovering the one key concept and sticking to it, such as at Leuctra, Tigranocerta, and Bibracte. Finally, there were the teams that were clueless in defeat, which are the most-often mentioned; these battles include Chalon, Watling Street, Marathon, and Telamon.

[Didz]

Not exactly. At the battle of Gaugamela, the team of friends had all been interested in wargaming in the past, and even had some knowledge of Alexander's battles. They formed a good strategy, and in spite of some problems in its execution, won quite convincingly.

Crumbs! You remember things a lot more clearly than I can, anyone would think you were on the Time commanders production team or something

I can never remember the names of the battles as I'm more interested in watching the team dynamic's under pressure.