Have you tried Vietcong? It's PC, but also PS2. I don't play many shooters - I prefer RPGs and strategy games - but this one is the bees knees.
I find it pretty "realistic" - the fighting is chaotic and often you don't see the one who kills you. One shot can kill you although this can be varied with the difficulty level (which I found just right at normal). The weapons are historical and "feel" fairly right. There's a nice variety - all the stuff you'd expect from the conflict.
The game has a lovely mechanical innovation - right click your mouse when behind cover (a tree or log etc) and you aim while taking advantage of that cover. It really makes fighting smart easy to do.
The missions are fairly long and open - you can try to go for a flank while your squad engages at the front - and I never felt boxed in, running down a set track. It does not require stealth per se, although seeing the enemy before they see you helps. There are not waves of enemies - you are fighting realistic squads, often small squads - so Doom it ain't.
There is a nice variety of missions - some tunnel rat stuff and some defending a base missions are particularly stressful. Sometimes you have a squad; sometimes you are lost and scrounging enemy ammo.
The game has something of a story and even one or two "characters" (for some reason, I like "Hornster", the hard'ass machinegunner). It appeals to the RPGer in me.
Politically, I am anti-war regarding Vietnam but found nothing in the game to object to. It's rather like those 1980s US Vietnam war films, if less subtle. It even has Lee Emery (from Full Metal Jack) as the drillmaster in the tutorials, swearing blue murder at you. At the end, you are medivacked out of 'Nam, intoning "It don't mean nuthin' man." I love it.
I think it is a brilliant game that has not done as well in sales or critical acclaim as it deserves. Give it a go!
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