A Rant on Life

[Kaiser of Arabia]

There are some people in this world, that I cannot say what I think of them, I cannot do anything around them, because, well, I don't need to explain why, I'll just say it would be best if I didn't say it.
Here is a message to one of these of these people.

[CENSORED].

Maybe once I get this out, I'll feel alittle better. Maybe not. I really don't know. I just hope that one day, I will be able to have my vengance. One day. That day is not today.

A man can only put up with so much. The amount differs from person to person, but I'm going to say this, I put up with alot. It may not seem that way to people on the outside, the people I see everyday in school and shit like that, it may seem that I am a nasty prick or somthing like that. Let me explain somthing, people are not born mean or nice, caring or uncaring, smart or stupid. At birth, for the most part, we're all equal. We get the way we are because of what happens to us, because of what we go through. Some of us can get through life without a care in the world, others need to be smart, and mean, to survive. I'm of the latter of the two. If I wasn't the way I am, ruthless and cynical, I would have gone crazy long ago, maybe I would even have died. I don't know, and I don't want to find out. I really don't care what other people think of me, I never did, all I know is that I have to watch out for myself, and sofar, I've done that very well.
For everything in life, there are consequences, not only from others, but to ourselves as well. Everything we do for someone, everything we do to someone, will effect us in several different ways. It will have an effect externally, what other people will do, and internally. What most people do not know is, the more we do that's bad, the deeper the problem gets buried, while the more we do that is good, the more at peace with ourselves we are. I, personally, will only find peace on the day I die, and if that be soon, so be it. Death smiles at us all, and all a man can do is smile back.
I post this here because you guys at the .org have always been here when I needed to get away, or when I needed help. I wish I could say that about my family but I can't. I thank you all for your support over the months that I've been here.

[TonkaToys]

Capo, very poignant. I hope you don't mind me speaking up, and tell me to f*** right off if you do.

Things change in life. You will move on. You are an intelligent person, judging by your posts, and should do well in life.

The situation you find yourself in now will probably not last. Either you will be able to change jobs, or leave school, or move away; perhaps not immediately but eventually.

People enter and leave your life, either for the good or the bad. The person you hate now may seem like a distant memory in a few years. Don't let their behaviour colour your judgement of everyone else - there are good people out there. Reserve your wrath for those that deserve it, but don't seek revenge; the act of revenge in some way validates their behaviour.

Sorry mate for intruding into your rant, but you are among friends here.

[LittleGrizzly]

well apologys in advace capo if this was just a rant you wanted to give out without feedback on....

all I know is that I have to watch out for myself, and sofar, I've done that very well.

I agree with you to a point there, ive learnt what i can trust people with and what i can't, for example one of my friends i can trust to be generous and help me out with cigs/money if i need it, but he cannot at all be trusted with a secret.

I just hope that one day, I will be able to have my vengance. One day. That day is not today.

revenge is a dish best served cold and without repurcussions, my ex boss who sacked me then refused to pay me, then said hes having my money is getting it, been almost 2 years now so when it comes ill be a distant memory, so save up that anger and unleash it in a controlled way by getting him back.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Thanks Grizz and Tonka.
BTW *&^&( wasn't directed at anyone here.
But one thing though, that person will not be out of my life soon. He's a relative, and one that everyone in my family loves. I just gotta wait till the drugs or $5 whores kill him.
Anyway, I do feel better now that I got that out. Thanks for your support guys

[ichi]

The best revenge is living well.

Too often we caught up in the here and now. If where you are is not a place that you enjoy, then make plans and take steps to move on, maybe move away. THere is no place in the world you cannot go, nothing you cannot do, unless you restrict yourself.

The most satisfying things in the world are friendship and success. A man cannot have friends unless he trusts and allows himself to be a friend. One cannot succeed until plans are made and carried out.

When I was a teenager my life was, well, less than pleasant at times. I moved away, moved on, moved up. My victory was not in beating down those that made me miserable, my joy came from achieving those things that everyone tried to deny me.

It's not about them, its about you. Toughness is one thing, but patience is the true key. Once you know what you want, and once you resolve to have that which you want, then patience comes easy, and the tasks fall into place, and then one day you win. The harder it is the better it feels when that day comes.

ichi

[Devastatin Dave]

Dude, sorry you're kinda feeling like shit and all. Its unfortunate that you have to go through this. My aunt's a crack head. It sucks but all you can do for them is love them and let them know you care. She finally got help but the bitch sure did f### things up with the whole family. Try not to let this stuff dictate your feelings so much. When you start thinking about death and stuff like that it does no one any good. You'd be surprised at how many people are affected when someone dies. So its best not to even say such things. I've seen what suicide can do to a family and I've seen how the threat of suicide to someone like your Uncle doesn't help them, it will sometimes make the situation worse. The guy has enough to worry about, help him by letting him know you care about him and give him assurance that you would never hurt yourself in spite of his situation. Get off the death thing, life's a great gift, keep living.
I've seen it man, death don't smile at shit, death's a mutha that no one should mess with. Again man, as a friend, it concerns me when someone that's intelligent and young concerns themselves with such grief.

[Devastatin Dave]

Man, when I wrote what I wrote ichi wrote one of the most kick ass posts I've read in a while. Take his advice Capo, take revenge by living good and enjoying life... ###k death and anyone making you think that would be any solution.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

I can sympathise utterly with you man. When I was your age, my life wasn't too cool, for reasons I'm not going to go into right now. But every day was a struggle, and there were numerous times when I thought "what the hell's the point? This is all just a waste of time, there's no point"

But then I realised, via a few experiences that I'm again not going to go in to, that if you do that, you've let your problems win. If you give up, lose hope totally, then they've beaten you. And once I realised that, I came to understand that whatever happened to me didn't matter-whatever shite life threw in my face-because I was never going to give up. They could do whatever they wanted to me, and I would have the last laugh, because my back would be straight, and I would be smiling, because I had won.

Once I had this revelation, my self-esteem rose immeasurably. People giving you problems? It's transistory, and so long as you're armed with the knowledge that they can't beat you-which they can't-it doesn't matter. Stick two fingers in the air, and walk on by, It doesn't matter. If you keep your head up high, laugh and enjoy yourself. As Ichi says, spite the wankers by having a life in the long run.

So, I suppose what I'm trying to stay, is that you have to realised that your problems-whatever they may be-can't beat you unless you let them. And I've seen a fair bit of your posting Capo, and I don't reckon you're the kind of bloke that'll allow that to happen. So have faith man. You're in control, if you want to be, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you remain true to yourself, you'll be unstoppable.

[NagatsukaShumi]

Life can be a b*tch at times Capo, but then again at times it can be an absolute joy to live.

Things have happened in my life that haven't made things easy. People have left me alone, people have picked on me and to be honest I've just had stress most days of my life. I've though of all kinds of ways out, I have the scars to prove it sadly but you shouldn't ever give up, I learnt that.

Life can get on top of you and I know that is tough to live with, but thats what lifes like sometimes. I've finally started to pull away from the dark days of my past, those who made fun can choke on their words, because they were proved false by last years events. I was told numerous times nobody wanted me, now I've got a girlfriend who means the world to me, something I never though could happen, but did. Point been, even if things seem impossible just don't give up, you can achieve them in the end.

I know I've probably never even spoken to you before but, I don't like to see any member of this forum go through this sort of thing without atleast trying to lend some helpful words.

Regards
Nag

[Byzantine Prince]

People make my life hard as well. You're definetly not alone Capo. People used to put me down a lot when I was younger and I learned to take it most of the time. It has come at a price though. I now feel very violent towards others(verbally and pysically) who piss me off. I can't say I like it, but that was to be expected after all that humiliation. This started really early on although it wasn't as bad as when I became a teenager. I like Ichi's opinion on the subject a lot. Living and doing well in your life is much much more satisfying then taking revenge. Although if you ever get the chance to don't turn it down completely. You shouldn't go out of your way to get it though. We are all gonna die one day so what's better then living that whole time as well and confortable as possible. Life is all about a frame of mind rother then anything else.

[CrackedAxe]

I dont mean to patronise or demean your plight, Capo, but have you any idea how strong you will emerge from this?

You sometimes meet rare people in life, those with an uncommon strength and dignity, people who you can tell from their eyes and the way they carry themselves, that they've been through it and back out the other side. These people can take whatever shit life can throw at them, and still come up smiling, and greater still, still willing to help others through the same sort of crap.

See it like this: these times can be rare gifts, they can invest your spirit with a strength, wisdom and depth that you just don't find in the majority of shallow, self absorbed people. They can make you proud of yourself in years to come, when you have a strength of humanity that your friends, family, children etc, will admire you for. Take that strength of insight and intelligence that we can see you have already, and let this make you stronger and nobler still.

[Beirut]

My dearest Capo,

You are allowing too much authority over yourself by putting your own happiness in other people's hands. Keep that power unto yourself. If you are happy it's to your credit and if you are unhappy, likewise it is your fault.

I could never give up that much power over my life by letting someone else decide my emotional state. Even if something they did made me unhappy, the unhappiness is mine and I will deal with it the way I see fit, I will not become a slave to their emotions (mine are enough of a problem thank you) and existence and live according to an anger I feel towards them. That is handing over way too much power.

Take your existence by the reigns as much as you can. Take the responsibility of your mental state. Do not sacrifice your independence by letting others tell you how to feel and how to think. If your unhappy, well that's too bad, but it's you who are unhappy and you own that unhappiness. No one else does. Keep the authority, keep the self respect, keep yourself yours. When you put your unhappiness into another person's hands you are putting your happiness into their hands as well. Do not become a mirror for other people to comb their hair with. Just be yourself and deal with it.

[PanzerJaeger]

What supportive and insightful responses to someone who is obviously feeling down.

A wonderful group of people we have here, or mabey most people are this wonderful, but the competetive and clique-ish atmosphere we live in prevents us from being so supportive to to eachother in person.

Life will get better Cap, then worse again, and then better. Just live it the best way you can and you'll get what you deserve.

[LittleGrizzly]

Life will get better Cap, then worse again, and then better. Just live it the best way you can and you'll get what you deserve.

and remember when you hit rock bottom the only way is up!

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Thanks guys, it means alot to me.

[Devastatin Dave]

The greatest part of this forum is the genuine kindness that many of the posters have for each other, no matter their political, religious, racial, or belief make-up. Yes, we often fight tooth and nail about our beliefs and even our own demons, but I know that I can always talk to you guys about things in my life. Capo, thank you for sharing a little piece of your world with the rest of us. God Bless you all.

[ah_dut]

I can sympathise utterly with you man. When I was your age, my life wasn't too cool, for reasons I'm not going to go into right now. But every day was a struggle, and there were numerous times when I thought "what the hell's the point? This is all just a waste of time, there's no point"

But then I realised, via a few experiences that I'm again not going to go in to, that if you do that, you've let your problems win. If you give up, lose hope totally, then they've beaten you. And once I realised that, I came to understand that whatever happened to me didn't matter-whatever shite life threw in my face-because I was never going to give up. They could do whatever they wanted to me, and I would have the last laugh, because my back would be straight, and I would be smiling, because I had won.

Once I had this revelation, my self-esteem rose immeasurably. People giving you problems? It's transistory, and so long as you're armed with the knowledge that they can't beat you-which they can't-it doesn't matter. Stick two fingers in the air, and walk on by, It doesn't matter. If you keep your head up high, laugh and enjoy yourself. As Ichi says, spite the wankers by having a life in the long run.

So, I suppose what I'm trying to stay, is that you have to realised that your problems-whatever they may be-can't beat you unless you let them. And I've seen a fair bit of your posting Capo, and I don't reckon you're the kind of bloke that'll allow that to happen. So have faith man. You're in control, if you want to be, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you remain true to yourself, you'll be unstoppable.

Sorry if this is off topic but what picked you up? Floyd I guess....
I dunno, life sucks at times, I hate having to take exams early and doing more work than I could possibly think about a couple of years back (I'm not that old honest...) but life usually ends up picking up. I've never hit rock bottom as such but life will pick up, it always does.

[frogbeastegg]

Speaking as someone who survived years of extreme unpleasantness from other people I'd add my own two pence on the revenge front: let it go. Trust me on this; there is nothing so blissfully sweet as realising you have entirely moved on and that you have not only survived but thrived. I won in the end, though they will never know it. I know it, and that is what matters to me. The people who tried to kill me, beat me up, insulted me, mocked me and generally made my life hell for years lost. I'm still here and I am happy; I feel once again instead of being trapped in the emotionless void they sent me to. I'm loved and I love. If I held on to any part of those years, remembering and wishing for revenge, well I would have lost because those people would still be in my life in some way, tainting it.

When things are bad, and have been bad for a long time, it is easy to feel that life will never improve. I even forgot what it felt like to be happy. I did not believe life could and would get better - after years and years of exactly the same crap day in and day out at school I could not even imagine what life would be like without the gangs hunting me and tormenting me. Now, here I am a few years later and I am happy. Life is good. Those long years are now just memories, ones I can sum up at will and ignore the rest of the time. It does get better; it just takes a damned long time sometimes.

[Tribesman]

"....I am happy , Life is good....."fair play to ya Froggy Don't let the buggers get you down .
Edit , heed the words of life Capo , lifes a bitch , make the most of it and don't let people stand in the way of making the most of your life

[derF]

This is a refreshing change from all the usual s**t that gets posted in the forums. I like a good down-to-earth topic every now and then.

Well, im under the impression that this topic is about Life and its ups/downs highs/lows and heres what i think.

I generally love my life. When i see people worse-off than me (like people who have issues and BIG problems) i feel very lucky. The important thing for me is to be happy in life, so if theres something bothering me i tend to tackle it rather stubbornly. Also, there are times (like once a day) where i enjoy thinking deeply so i can be totally honest and truthful with myself. This lets me easily decide how to tackle problems.

Important things i have learnt/been taught:
----------------

1. "Are we to survive or are we to live?" - My uncle.
2. "Clarity of mind, provides clarity of action" - Myself.
3. Set nothing in stone.
4. Everything dies, so theres no need to fear it.
5. Respect all who deserve.
6. We are insignificant specs within the unfathomable vastness of space.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Sorry if this is off topic but what picked you up? Floyd I guess....

Music did play a part, but there were other, rather...unpleasant events which also contributed, upon which I'd rather not elaborate. I don't want to steal Capo's thunder, anyway.

[Byzantine Prince]

I am actually quite surprised to see people have had similar unpleasantness like I did. That's really refreshing. Usually people can't relate to this. I guess people who play this game are more intelligent then the average populace though so I quess it makes some sense.

[LittleGrizzly]

I am actually quite surprised to see people have had similar unpleasantness like I did.

same here, upon hearing froggys story the first time (which was quite a while back now i think) it made me realise my experience wasn't so bad in comparison, the difference is the friend who betrayed me and got almost all my year to sign a shall we say special certificate for me, he is the reason i have the great friends i have now and i got to see my revenge played out in school. It was worringly satisfying.

[Shottie]

Ive gone through very tuff times, Im only 15 and last year my dad took his life. All I have to say is just move on, everyone here has said the samething about moving on and Im touched that alot of people have gone throught stuff like me, I used to be picked on and beat up, until one year I grew tired of it and hurt that kid very badly, I never felt better. Violence is not the key, but it does help. My English teacher told me this qoute last year, it may not apply to anything here, but it is a very good qoute to live on. "No one has to do anything in life but die" It is very true, one of the truest things Ive ever heard.

(I dont think truest is a word lol)

[discovery1]

Perservere Capo. Just try to ignore the source of irritation. Avoid when possible. Evetually you will fell less bad and by that time perhaps you or he will have changed. And even if you don't in taht time frame, you will adapt such that he will no longer bother you. And don't let this problem destroy you.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Shottie- I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You are right, moving on is the key. And that's what I do. However, there are times, such as these, where you cannot move on yet. However, these are my problems. Sometimes, I wish I could just let it all out, just take it out on the next person to screw with me. But I can't. I know, my life isn't the worst, there are many people who have gone through more horrid situations than I can imagine, and made it through. God bless them. I can't. Perhaps you all have heard of the philosipy, the weak must rule the strong, well, I am the weak, and the people I must rid myself of are the strong. And, the only thing I can do is become stronger than them. And I swear, right now before you all, that I will.
God bless you all. You have been a great help to me.
-Capo