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Thread: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

  1. 02-10-2005, 15:59 #1
    Ronin
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    Wink Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    METAL!!!

    HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and ****s the princess.

    GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

    POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest.

    TRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and ****s her....... easy and quick.

    FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
    accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the
    dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess.

    VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty mighty axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, loots the castle and burns it down before he leaves.

    DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, ****s the
    princess and kills her, then leaves.

    BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess.

    GORE METAL: CENSORED (see Cannibal Corpse lyrics for details)

    DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well.

    PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist goes to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist.

    GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

    INDUSTRIAL METAL: The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

    CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

    TECH METAL: The protagonist plays a whole tone riff switching between 11/16 and 23/16 with his left hand, while he taps a descending chromatic pattern with his right hand. The dragon suffers a massive brain aneurysm and dies, and the princess runs off to music school so she can understand what the protagonist was playing.


    Last edited by A.Saturnus; 02-10-2005 at 17:58. Reason: objectional content
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  2. 02-10-2005, 16:07 #2
    JAG
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    Heavy Metal everytime!
    GARCIN: I "dreamt," you say. It was no dream. When I chose the hardest path, I made my choice deliberately. A man is what he wills himself to be.
    INEZ: Prove it. Prove it was no dream. It's what one does, and nothing else, that shows the stuff one's made of.
    GARCIN: I died too soon. I wasn't allowed time to - to do my deeds.
    INEZ: One always dies too soon - or too late. And yet one's whole life is complete at that moment, with a line drawn neatly under it, ready for the summing up. You are - your life, and nothing else.
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  3. 02-10-2005, 17:32 #3
    Beirut
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    ROFLMAO!

    My Norweigen blood is calling to me.

    Viking Metal!
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  4. 02-10-2005, 18:02 #4
    Big King Sanctaphrax
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    TECH METAL: The protagonist plays a whole tone riff switching between 11/16 and 23/16 with his left hand, while he taps a descending chromatic pattern with his right hand. The dragon suffers a massive brain aneurysm and dies, and the princess runs off to music school so she can understand what the protagonist was playing.
    Ahahaha! That's good.
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  5. 02-10-2005, 18:36 #5
    SwordsMaster
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    Concur with JAG!!!
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  6. 02-10-2005, 18:55 #6
    lars573
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    For me it would be,
    Thrash metal
    Heavy metal
    Viking metal
    In that order.
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  7. 02-10-2005, 18:57 #7
    frogbeastegg
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    I pity the poor princess The dragon too
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  8. 02-10-2005, 20:31 #8
    Mount Suribachi
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    Surely this can provide inspiration for more adventures for Princess Eleanor froggy?


    And what the hell is Folk Metal????
    "I request permanent reassignment to the Gallic frontier. Nay, I demand reassignment. Perhaps it is improper to say so, but I refuse to fight against the Greeks or Macedonians any more. Give my command to another, for I cannot, I will not, lead an army into battle against a civilized nation so long as the Gauls survive. I am not the young man I once was, but I swear before Jupiter Optimus Maximus that I shall see a world without Gauls before I take my final breath."

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  9. 02-10-2005, 21:19 #9
    Somebody Else
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    Come to Beijing, we have Dess Maitou here...
    Don't have any aspirations - they're doomed to fail.

    Rumours...
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  10. 02-10-2005, 23:50 #10
    frogbeastegg
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    Quote Originally Posted by Mount Suribachi
    Surely this can provide inspiration for more adventures for Princess Eleanor froggy?
    That depends on whether you mean the original Eleanor from my first attempt at the story around a year ago or the new version of the character in the second attempt I'm currently posting in the mead hall. The first version: given the princess's fate in most of those little clips, no not a chance in hell. The current Eleanor: ... well, there are no dragons and no metal music in her world and her fate is already carefully planned in most respects.

    EDIT: Actually, you know the main reason I keep the frog princess title thing quiet is the whole dragon thing. Being kidnapped is so inconvenient, it inflates my insurance premiums, and I do get fed up of telling my rescuers to keep all their appendages to themselves unless they want a poisoned geisha hairpin someone eye watering Fortunately most people call me lady frog or something similarly not royal, making me less attractive to dragons.
    Last edited by frogbeastegg; 02-10-2005 at 23:59.
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  11. 02-11-2005, 00:56 #11
    DemonArchangel
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    Default Re: Metal, how to save the princess from the dragon

    My order:

    Gore Metal
    Black Metal
    Tech Metal.
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