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Thread: Diaries

  1. 02-28-2005, 01:10 #1
    octavian
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    Default Diaries

    donno if this has been posted b4, if so, my apoligies.

    EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
    Day number 180
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
    Day number 181
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
    Day number 182
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
    1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

    EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking. Almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed.
    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
    DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
    DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
    DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... "

    60+ new units – including the mighty Indian War Elephants, Persian immortals and Indian naked female archers.
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  2. 02-28-2005, 01:27 #2
    Sasaki Kojiro
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    Default Re: Diaries

    excellent
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  3. 02-28-2005, 01:42 #3
    TheSilverKnight
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    Default Re: Diaries

    hehe...the kitty is evil I like him
    "I'm like the Vikings -- I come here, I steal your women, your booze, your dough, and then I go back home." ~ Wiz
    "Play RTW and wait till 1,000 people die and look at them from above. Then tell me it was worth the oil." - Byzantine Prince
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  4. 02-28-2005, 02:33 #4
    JAG
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    Default Re: Diaries

    Probably close to the truth as well.
    GARCIN: I "dreamt," you say. It was no dream. When I chose the hardest path, I made my choice deliberately. A man is what he wills himself to be.
    INEZ: Prove it. Prove it was no dream. It's what one does, and nothing else, that shows the stuff one's made of.
    GARCIN: I died too soon. I wasn't allowed time to - to do my deeds.
    INEZ: One always dies too soon - or too late. And yet one's whole life is complete at that moment, with a line drawn neatly under it, ready for the summing up. You are - your life, and nothing else.
    Jean Paul Sartre - No Exit 1944
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  5. 02-28-2005, 02:50 #5
    Zalmoxis
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    Default Re: Diaries

    Post more for the cat.
    "Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite." - John Kenneth Galbraith
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  6. 02-28-2005, 08:36 #6
    Mouzafphaerre
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    Default Re: Diaries

    -
    LOL! Excellent. There's great humour seeded into Emperor RotMK. Especially the words of the captured (tamed) animals are a treat:
    Quote Originally Posted by Panda
    I hope the ugly two legged creatures at the palace grow envious interest on my beauty.

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    Ja mata Tosa Inu-sama, Hore Tore, Adrian II, Sigurd, Fragony

    Mouzafphaerre is known elsewhere as Urwendil/Urwendur/Kibilturg...
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  7. 02-28-2005, 16:42 #7
    LittleGrizzly
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    Default Re: Diaries

    rofl,l seems somewhat realistic too.
    In remembrance of our great Admin Tosa Inu, A tireless worker with the patience of a saint. As long as I live I will not forget you. Thank you for everything!
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  8. 02-28-2005, 22:18 #8
    AggonyKing
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    Default Re: Diaries

    lmao I didn't know cats had diaries

    "Cuiusvis hominis est errare; nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare."
    Any man can make a mistake; only a fool keeps making the same one.
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  9. 02-28-2005, 22:35 #9
    Ronin
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    Wink Re: Diaries

    i knew i had good reason to hate cats.....

    their insidious toughs will not go unpunished
    "If given the choice to be the shepherd or the sheep... be the wolf"
    -Josh Homme
    "That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"
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  10. 02-28-2005, 22:56 #10
    Big King Sanctaphrax
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    Default Re: Diaries

    This is why I'm a cat man.
    Co-Lord of BKS and Beirut's Kingdom of Peace and Love.

    "Handsome features, rugged exteriors, intellectual chick magnets, we're pretty much twins."-Beirut

    "Rhy, where's your helicopter now? Where's your ******* helicopter now?"-Mephistopheles.

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  11. 03-01-2005, 03:19 #11
    Blodrast
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    Default Re: Diaries

    here's a cool (if you're into it) comic strip of cats: www.mows.com
    Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.
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  12. 03-01-2005, 08:36 #12
    Quid
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    Default Re: Diaries

    Years ago I read the dog's diary. Didn't know there was one for cats too. Very funny, and incredibly well written with more than just attempting humour...definitely worth reading people.

    Quid
    ...for it is revenge I seek...


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  13. 03-06-2005, 07:15 #13
    octavian
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    Default Re: Diaries

    *bUMp*
    60+ new units – including the mighty Indian War Elephants, Persian immortals and Indian naked female archers.
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  14. 03-06-2005, 07:28 #14
    Devastatin Dave
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    Default Re: Diaries

    Classic!!! Good work Octavian!!!
    RIP Tosa
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