Military Joke Thread

**Marshal Murat** · 03-17-2005, 01:03

In the Pentagon, they recite every hour over the inercom when the clock strikes the hour. At three o'clock...
Army:Fifteen Hundred
Navy:Three Bells
Marines:Big hands on the twelve, short hand's on the three.

**Kongamato** · 03-17-2005, 01:17

A platoon of Army Rangers are conducting war games when one of the enemies, a Marine, calls to them from the hilltop "Hey Rangers, come get some!!!" The Rangers, smelling an easy kill, charge the hill. Thirty minutes later, after much simulated combat, the Rangers walk down the hill, defeated and angered. Their report states "The damned cowards tricked us! There were two Marines up there!!!"

**Somebody Else** · 03-17-2005, 01:55

Three admirals - British, French and Spanish. Discussing courage.
Spaniard says to one of his men: "Diego, climb up to the top of the mainmast, and dive off into the sea." Diego does this. "That, amigos, is courage!"
Frenchman says to one of his men: "Pierre, climb up to the top of the mainmast, and dive into this bucket of water." Pierre does this, the logical conclusion occurs. "That, mes amis, is courage."
British admiral sighs, and says: "John, up to the top of the mast with you, jump down, - on your way, set fire to the sails, and land in this bucket of sand." John replies "You must be bloody joking!"
"That, my friends, is courage."

*

Sea captain, sailing along - spots a pirate ship on intercept course. Calls to his cabin boy, "Roger, bring me my red shirt!"
The ships meet, much fighting occurs, the captain and his crew emerge victorious.
Carry on sailing.
Two pirate ships sighted. "Roger, my red shirt!"
Boarding party, fighting, captain and crew win.
Roger asks the captain, "Sir, why the red shirt?" "Roger, my boy, I wear the red shirt so that if I'm wounded, the sight of my blood won't demoralise my faithful crew."
Sailing on.
Three pirate ships sighted.

"Roger, bring me my brown trousers!"

**SwordsMaster** · 03-17-2005, 03:15

A US Army officer and an Aussie Ranger walk into the toilets, after answering the call of nature, the american notices that the aussie didnt wash his hands.
He washes his hands, walks out, stops the aussie and says in disgust:
"In the US Army they teach us to wash our hands after peeing" - The australian watches him with a humorous expression:
"Well, in the Australian Army they teach us not to pee on our hands"

**Degtyarev14.5** · 03-18-2005, 04:12

I believe this dates from WWI...

When the German artillery fires, the French run for cover.
When the British artillery fires, the Germans run for cover.
When the French artillery fires, everyone runs for cover.

Why do Italian tanks have such large rear-vision mirrors?
So the crew can see the battle.

How do you stop a Romanian tank?
Shoot the people pushing it.

A.

**Zalmoxis** · 03-18-2005, 06:40

Originally Posted by Degtyarev14.5

How do you stop a Romanian tank?
Shoot the people pushing it.

A.

Make fun of France, at least Romanians imediately start running when the enemy statrts attacking, they switch sides.

**The Stranger** · 03-18-2005, 08:58

ah you're pushing it

**el_slapper** · 03-18-2005, 12:12

Originally Posted by Degtyarev14.5

I believe this dates from WWI...

When the German artillery fires, the French run for cover.
When the British artillery fires, the Germans run for cover.
When the French artillery fires, everyone runs for cover.
(.../...)

Duh. Might have been true in other wars(especially 1870 one, where all forces went wrong), but in WWI, french artillery was mostly made of accurate 75mm pieces. The lack of high-caliber systems did prevent that kind of things(and was a real lack in our order of battle, by the way).

But hell, I wouldn't trust french artillery, this has never been our strong point, by far, & that joke is nevertheless rather accurate