Military Joke Thread

[el_slapper]

I believe this dates from WWI...

When the German artillery fires, the French run for cover.
When the British artillery fires, the Germans run for cover.
When the French artillery fires, everyone runs for cover.
(.../...)

Duh. Might have been true in other wars(especially 1870 one, where all forces went wrong), but in WWI, french artillery was mostly made of accurate 75mm pieces. The lack of high-caliber systems did prevent that kind of things(and was a real lack in our order of battle, by the way).

But hell, I wouldn't trust french artillery, this has never been our strong point, by far, & that joke is nevertheless rather accurate

[Degtyarev14.5]

Oh my God, relax fellas... It's a joke thread...

A.

[Sir Chauncy]

Actually El_Slapper is right, during the 1st WW the French artillery was by far the best on the front, in fact I seem to remember the British Troopers wanting to go to the French for advice and guidance, and their officers refusing to stoop to asking the French for help!.

Now if anything is a joke, that is.

[el_slapper]

I didn't say it was a bad joke, just that the "probably WWI" was probably wrong, that's all.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Did you hear about the new Polish submarine? It sunk.
I guess the screen doors were a bad idea.

[Longshanks]

A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"

The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do you think of, Sergeant?"

"I think somebody stole the damn tent."

[Longshanks]

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The
form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.
The following are actual excerpts taken from people's
"206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his
entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always
spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny;
since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals
from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has
started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the
better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below
250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure



Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):

* Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
* Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
* A room temperature I.Q.....
* Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it
all together.
* A prime candidate for natural deselection.
* Bright as Alaska in December.
* Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but no train in sight
* So dense, light bends around him.
* If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
* If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered
twice a week.
* Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
* Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead