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Thread: Safety over-kill...

  1. #1
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Safety over-kill...

    Heh, look at this i found on a website:

    On Sears hair dryer:
    Do not use while sleeping.

    On a bag of Fritos:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

    On a bar of Dial soap:
    Directions: Use like regular soap.

    On some Swanson frozen dinners:
    Serving suggestions: Defrost.

    Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
    Do not turn upside down.

    On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
    Product will be hot after heating.

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    Do not iron clothes on body.

    On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
    Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

    On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    Warning: May cause drowsiness.

    On most brands of Christmas lights:
    For indoor or outdoor use only.

    On a Japanese food processor:
    Not to be used for the other use.

    On Sainsbury's peanuts:
    Warning: Contains nuts.

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

    On a child's Superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

    On a Swedish chain saw:
    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

    On a toboggan:
    Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

    On a knife sharpener:
    Caution: knives are sharp.

    On shin pads for cyclists:
    Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

    On a take away coffee cup:
    Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

    Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
    In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

    In a microwave oven manual:
    Do not use for drying pets.

    On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
    Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.

    On the bottom of a cola bottle:
    Do not open here.

    On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
    This broom does not actually fly.

    On a box of aspirin:
    Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

    On a bottle of laundry detergent:
    Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

    On a muffin packet:
    Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

    In a kettle instruction manual:
    The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.

    On a ketchup bottle:
    Instructions: Put on food.

    On a bottle of rum:
    Open bottle before drinking.

    A car park sign:
    Entrance only. Do not enter.

    A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
    Beware of people.

    Rules on a tram in Prague:
    Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

    Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
    Take care: new non-slip surface.

    On a can of air freshener:
    For use by trained personnel only.

    On a bottle of baby lotion:
    Keep away from children.

    On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
    Do not wash.

    On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
    Some assembly required.

    On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
    May irritate eyes.

    On a Frisbee:
    Warning: may contain small parts.

    In a car handbook:
    In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.

    On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
    Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.

    Directions for mosquito repellant:
    Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.

    On a birthday card for a one year old:
    Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

    In a hotel bedroom:
    Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

    In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
    Push this button in case anything happens.

    On a toilet cleaning brush:
    Do not use orally.

    On a can of Spray paint:
    Do not spray in your face.

    On a TV remote:
    Not Dishwasher safe.

    On a blowtorch:
    Not used for drying hair.

    On a washing machine inn a launderette:
    No small children.

    On a bottle of hair dye:
    Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

    On a push along lawn mower:
    Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

    On a box of fireworks:
    Do not put in mouth.

    On the packaging for a wrist watch:
    Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

    In a dishwasher manual:
    Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

    On a toaster:
    Do not use underwater.

    On a mattress:
    Do not attempt to swallow.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    I've seen that list before but it never ceases to amze me at the stupidity of some manufacturers..

    Regarding the Harry Potter Broom and flying - As the manufacturer, I'd rather put that on there and look stupid worldwide as that email is sent around every 4 months than be sued by a bunch of kids who jumped out of their window breaking both of their legs...

    P.S. I am not the manufacturer.

  3. #3
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    The best one is the TV remote one. Which idiot would put it in the dishwasher in the first place?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  4. #4

    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    i agree sellers are stupid we have a book at skwl that says hot wash on the back and another book that says made out of concentrated orange juice
    "Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
    "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
    —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
    "I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."
    —Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

    how stupid george bush is !

  5. #5
    Standing Up For Rationality Senior Member Ronin's Avatar
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    Wink Re: Safety over-kill...

    it isn´t that the sellers are stupid...it´s more that they´re trying to protect themselfs from dumb lawsuits....that seem to be current news in america.
    "If given the choice to be the shepherd or the sheep... be the wolf"
    -Josh Homme
    "That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"
    - Calvin

  6. #6
    Vermonter and Seperatist Member Uesugi Kenshin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    Yeah, the manufacturers are brilliant, the people are idiots.
    "A man's dying is more his survivor's affair than his own."
    C.S. Lewis

    "So many people tiptoe through life, so carefully, to arrive, safely, at death."
    Jermaine Evans

  7. #7
    Chief Sniffer Senior Member ichi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    TV: So hurry and get your tickets before they sell out then in low quiet lawyer-approved warning voice Tickets are not to be taken internally

    Homer: They have to say that because of me!


    and my other favorite warning from a Krusty Brand Pregnancy Test Kit Warning - May cause birth defects

    ichi
    Stay Calm, Be Alert, Think Clearly, Act Decisively

    CoH

  8. #8
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    Ha, the pregnancy test one is just great. And i finally found a packet of nuts that does actually say that stupid nuts warning on. I had a nut craving so i went on an expedition to my kitchen for them. I found the packet, and on the back it said: Warning - Contains Nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  9. #9
    Arena Senior Member Crazed Rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    I once had a clear plastic bag with one pickle in it. The pickle was pretty big, and there was only one pickle inside.

    On the side it side
    Contents: One Pickle

    Crazed Rabbit
    Ja Mata, Tosa.

    The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to all the forces of the Crown. It may be frail; its roof may shake; the wind may blow through it; the storm may enter; the rain may enter; but the King of England cannot enter – all his force dares not cross the threshold of the ruined tenement! - William Pitt the Elder

  10. #10
    Chieftain of the Pudding Race Member Evil_Maniac From Mars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    Kitchen Knife (from a far east place)- Keep out of children
    Road Sign- Turn left to Secret Base

  11. #11

    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    You know KFC's slogan - "Finger lickin' good" ??
    When translated to chinese/japanese (i don't remember) it came out as "Bite your fingers off." lol

  12. #12
    Member Member *Ringo*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar
    On a child's Superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
    Your kidding right? I was just about to go and get one! I've been saving up for weeks!
    Denuone Latine Loquebar?

  13. #13

    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    If there's one thing I've learned as a safety advisor it's that you can't rely on people having common sense.

    Some of the most common mundane things seem beyond people, for example I have had numerous people complain to me that the sun gets in their eye's when they are in the office, when asked if they'd tried shutting the blinds............... "oh, do you think that would help?"

    Once I had to send aout a department wide e-mail warning of the danger of standing on map/drawing pins because my boss stood on one that morning.

    That's just in the office, don't get me started on the weapons systems for the troops.

  14. #14
    Vermonter and Seperatist Member Uesugi Kenshin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    That job must be really tough, I would feel like wringing people's necks almost every second of the day. You must have a lot of patience.
    "A man's dying is more his survivor's affair than his own."
    C.S. Lewis

    "So many people tiptoe through life, so carefully, to arrive, safely, at death."
    Jermaine Evans

  15. #15
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    weapons systems for the troops
    I've heard this somewhere, but don't know if it's true, that U.S army rocket launchers say which way you should point them on the side.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  16. #16
    Resident Northern Irishman Member ShadesPanther's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    I've heard this somewhere, but don't know if it's true, that U.S army rocket launchers say which way you should point them on the side.
    Aim towards the enemy

    "A man may fight for many things: his country, his principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mudwrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a stack of French porn."
    - Edmund Blackadder

  17. #17
    1000 post member club Member Quid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Safety over-kill...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar
    I've heard this somewhere, but don't know if it's true, that U.S army rocket launchers say which way you should point them on the side.
    You see that on almost all army equipment. People put cats to dry in the microwave...people will also hold the weapon the wrong way round...in my time in the army, a corporal shot himself in the foot (quite amusing at the time) but the hassle the army had to go through just because of one idiot...it's amazing.

    Quid
    ...for it is revenge I seek...


    Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war
    Juleus Ceasar, Shakespear

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