Cool pre-battle speaches:

**PseRamesses** · 03-18-2005, 10:25

"At least where they are standing won´t need manure this year"

It seems that non-general units deliver the shortest and funniest pre-battle speaches. Any other examples?

**Oaty** · 03-18-2005, 18:18

Forget the exact text but here goes

Only cowards and sheep are afraid of these men........ for very different reasons

**Es Arkajae** · 03-18-2005, 23:11

LOL!

I always liked the Carthaginian "The Roman Eagle is a Roman chicken, the enemy flees the field!" or something like that when a battle is won.

Always gives me a good chuckle, especially since when empty the icon above Rome does indeed look like a chicken.

**Musashi** · 03-19-2005, 01:28

I like "The enemy greatly outnumbers us, but that just means they were afraid to meet us in a fair fight!"

I was laughing my ass off, thinking that was an interesting way to spin it lol.

**Kraxis** · 03-19-2005, 02:29

Hmmm... The Greek speeches are boring. Not that they aren't varied, but is it every single time a two-liner. "Great sons of Zeus..." "A battle is never easy..." Gah...
And seemingly there is no difference between captains and family members. I guess I have to create a depraved lunatic to get some funny lines from those Seleucids.

**Uesugi Kenshin** · 03-19-2005, 03:09

Just as a side note the human body is actually not very good for fertilizer....

The captain speeches are the best ones, except for the one that bloody generals always use. First time I heard that one I did a double take and almost fell out of my chair.

**Magraev** · 03-19-2005, 11:52

I had a sneaky roman general who alway assured his men that he wouldn't fight fair, but instead give the enemy a quick kick up the toga.

**Beefy** · 03-19-2005, 11:57

I just had one where he said

"Kill these Greeks" and that was it

and another one

"Today we fight, tonight we sleep"

So funny when non generals give speeches

**aw89** · 03-19-2005, 12:02

"And take hearth men! For we have sharper pointy thingys then they do! Ah yes, much sharper..."

**Es Arkajae** · 03-19-2005, 13:17

Now I remember another one

"The enemy will be angry, because I ate all their bees and they have been without honey for a long time!"

Or something like that, the guy was insane of course

**Brutus** · 03-19-2005, 22:44

"I want to see blood! I want to bathe in their blood! I want to bathe in their blood for a week!"

But on the whole my generals seem to be very genorous, offering jugs of wine and appreciative camp women to their men all the time...

**Mikeus Caesar** · 03-19-2005, 23:10

'They may have the moon people on their side, but we have our hats!! And with our lovely hats, we can protect ourselves from their fearsome stare!!'

The trait for that speech? 'Fears Moon People'. When i first heard that speech, i almost died. Literally. I ended up falling off my chair, and my head came within inches of hitting my computer tower.

**PseRamesses** · 03-21-2005, 10:13

"Straighten the ranks... and kill the bastards!"

**Atreides** · 03-21-2005, 14:37

The Romans tend to say something like:

And now we face the Gauls, worthy enemies and hairy beyond reason.

Which I also like is when playing with the local mercs your general/captain say something about the people.

**Craterus** · 03-21-2005, 20:48

i always listen to the speeches just in case they say something funny...
i can't remember any really funny ones off hand... sorry

**vastator** · 03-30-2005, 13:26

My personal favourites are:

"Now lads, after the battle; please, no skipping with the entrails this time."

and:

"Attack the elephants, men! Go for the pink trunky beggars!" (Needless to say, this general had the "drunken lout" trait.)

**PseRamesses** · 04-06-2005, 17:27

"...and I promise a bale of hay to the bravest horse in the field"

**imdWALRU5** · 04-06-2005, 18:09

The Selucids also have some boring speaches.
I like the Roman and Carthagenian speeches

**PseRamesses** · 04-08-2005, 00:39

I just remembered a speach that I hear quite often, it goes something like this:

"...sometimes one have to do something they don´t want to do. I didn´t want to be here but my mother told me to go, so here I am..."

**katank** · 04-08-2005, 01:51

Yeah, my best 10 star general suddenly started making this kind of speech and I think he got a coward vice or something??? He was 2 gold chevrons from all the battles and personally routed about half the enemy units every battle.

I also love the bee speech. Another of my good generals spoke for a while and then said, "Beware, for the enemy are mad. They are mad for they have eaten all their bees and have not had honey for many a moon" Hilarious but I think he was a loony too.

Apparently all the greatest heroes of my Brutii empires are loopy. "Charge, my pretties"

**Viking** · 04-08-2005, 13:53

One of my roman generals had some really bad traits.

Once he was leading an army against the egyptians, and his speech began like an ordinary one. But in the middle of the speech:
- Ehh. Oh were was I?......there was something......nevermind!

Not any good general!

**Siris** · 04-08-2005, 14:51

Mine I thought was funny yet not, was this from one of my Roman Captians:

"Today we face the Gauls, & tonight, their wives will voluntarily (forgot exact word right here, but basically voluntaryly do it with them)", then he kind of clears his throat some, then says, "well... mostly... but still! We still win this battle & sleep with them tonight!"

Not exact, its been a few months, but somthing like that, you get the idea lol!

**Craterus** · 04-08-2005, 21:06

In a battle I had today, my Spanish warlord said "Now is a good time to pray to the Gods, but a better time to sharpen your swords, in case the Gods are deaf.

Gut your enemy like fish!!"

**Beefy** · 04-08-2005, 22:50

We now must eliminate these baby killing carthagians!

**tibilicus** · 04-08-2005, 23:24

I never ever ever get funny speaches........ My generels dont know how to have a good time. Oh ye great sig beefy!

**Beefy** · 04-09-2005, 00:19

lol thanks i have to take it off though! im upset! lets do a petition! keep my sig!

**tibilicus** · 04-09-2005, 13:40

I got a good one just now after loading my generel didnt say anything. He just went quite.....

**Brysk** · 04-09-2005, 16:10

And the first man to the enemy gets a jug of my finest wine!

**Uesugi Kenshin** · 04-10-2005, 03:28

I do not know if this one has been mentioned yet, but today while playing a custom battle I got the speech: "Ha I have seen more frighteneing mother in laws!" or something to that effect.