A little RTW humor

[lars573]

Overheard in the ranks before the Roman assault on Alesia (Gaulish Capital)in 240BC:

Hastati: "Oh boy, Alesia! I heard those French chicks are hot man! After we take the place I'm gonna get drunk then get me a couple a Gaulish maidens!"

Principe: "Yeah, the French chicks are ok, I'm going to find a nice restaurant, I hope they don't burn my steak. Maybe after a couple of glasses of wine I'll go find myself a Gaulish maiden, I hear their mothers are pretty hot."

Triari: "Why do we have to attack so early in the morning? Jeez, it's only ten o'clock. And cold outside. Oh well, I hope the food is easy to chew and afterwards I hope I have a good bowel movement. Now where did I put my teeth? Hey Centurion, tell the Quartermaster that we need more Depends over here. You young folk have it easy today, in my day we had to assult Huge Cities through five miles of four foot snowdrifts, against the wind, uphill, against elephants, in the nude. Then all we had to eat was dirt! And we were thankful!!! Not like you kids today with your fancy cars and rap music. Get a haircut already! No kid, these aren't liver spots, they're battle scars smartass, and for the last time, there are no such traits as "cruelly wrinkled", or "cruelly toothless" or "cruelly absent minded" or "cruelly gassy". Someone tell me again what we're doing today? We're not going to the zoo? But we love the zoo don't we fellow Triarii. Triarii? Hey wake up you Triarii. Now somebody get me my wheelchair and blanket. Hey sonny! Did I ever tell you the story about..."

All credit for this gem goes to Sillius_Sodus from RTW heaven

[The Stranger]

ahhahahahahaha

[Ginger]

Equites: Tally-ho Quintus, fancy a spot of Gaul hunting old boy? Last one there's a rotten egg. Charge!!!!

Triarii: There go those flash buggers again. Hope he falls off his sodding horse!

[The Stranger]

gallic defenders of Alesia: Meat, Meat, Meat, Meat

[Ginger]

*grin*

[Arrowhead]

Velites: Wow! We got some bribed equites to fight!
Equites: Now then, now then, stabbing my horse, pulling me to the ground isn't the best idea you have had, we are your own troops you know... arrgh!
Triarii: Now y' wee scunners what happened here?
Equites:(lying through their teeth) He fell off his horse.
Triarii: Now I knew that would happen. Back in MY day we had somthing better than a saddle. They were called Jimmywagons...Or was that my sword...

[Kraxis]

Velite: Hey look at this spiffy new javelin I got down at that new "Ye Olde Spearshoppe".
Hastatus: Quite nice, but you know who the girls will flock to? The one with the highest plume and the shiniest breastplate.
Princeps: Boys, you could need a good time out at my farm to teach you the running of life. And of course there are all those farmgirls. How I miss my farm... What does this war need me for?
Triarius: *slaps Princeps* Young slacker! You are here because I told you to. You have it so easy on your farm... Slaves... Farmanimals... Crops! BAH! I had to work 30 hours a day, pay to go to work, sleep in a river and I got the rocks I removed from the fields to eat.
Merc hoplite: Wee froom Athenai neever wurk the filds, wee go to the odeon, and you twoo young men, wat aboot comin wit mee and mi friends? Whoo neds vimin?
Equite: Oh my... the rabble is rousing up yet another fight. It is getting quite tiresome, it interupts my afternoon hot water. What is that I spot? A scarlet pimpernel! That could come in handy with the ladies, I'm certain it will save me in the near future. Off to another dashing adventure! Yah yah noble Silver Tongue.

[pezhetairoi]

...An Athenian with a German accent? O_O

[Kraxis]

...An Athenian with a German accent? O_O

No then he would say: Vee from Athen never vork ze fields... ect ect.
I just made an accent, as a greek accent is rather hard to write down.

[Chelifer]

Urban Cohort: Sir! Yes, Sir!

[Brutus]

Gaulish swordsman, looking out from Alesia: "Look at those pityfull Romans with their nice uniforms and shiny armour! Why don't they just fight half-naked like normal people?"
Naked fanatic: "Aye, they are just a bunch of puffs!"
Forester: "Still, they are after our wimmin'folk. Yarg! Let them come."
Swordsman: "We'll split them apart from head to toe!"
Naked fanatic: "And if not, our wimmin'folk will laugh and scorn at them nonetheless. They will see our moustaches are not the only large feature we Gauls have!"

[Cheater]

Naked fanatic: "And if not, our wimmin'folk will laugh and scorn at them nonetheless. They will see our moustaches are not the only large feature we Gauls have!"

[Cendre]

-Gauls: "Tasty pigs!... Though I think roasting is preferable to setting alight..."

[Craterus]

"Medium cooked, not charred, you stupid Romans!!!!"

[pezhetairoi]

Speaking of tasty pigs/boars and Gauls, does anyone know if the easter-egg Roman defeat scenario of RTW (where the picture of Asterix appears to crow that the Romans didn't conquer a certain village in Armorica) is true?