The Collosal empire by Berserker!

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

This my first and perhaps only time I will spell and use grammer better (look, it's showing the now!!!)

Anyway let's get on with the story:


PART 1: THE START
It was 110bc, the mighty Roman empire was flourishing quickly and conquered many provinces. They conquered almost the whole west, and learned so much that they knew about the whole world. Most of this knowledge was learnt from the conquered lands. The Carthaginians for example showed the Romans how trade and flourish with their trading skills and showed the Romans the power of elephants and....... well, you get the idea.Anyway I could talk about the expertise of the Roman empire all night long but no, I shall get to the point.
Most of this fame and glory wouldn't have been so great if it was not for a great soldier which I shall tell you now.

PART 2: THE HERO
The person I shall tell you about is Manius, a street rat. He was tall and had a body built like a tank and had a roar so loud it was like having 50 voices screaming extremely loudly in your eardrum. his claim to fame was when the roman army was needing a sneaky fellow to spy on Eygpt. The street rat signed up instantly. He was sent to a general who interviewed him.
"Now, what's your name and where do you live?"
Asked the general in a rough voice. "Sire, I am called Manius and I have no home, I am a street rat." Answered Manius.Manius gulped hoping that the general wouldn't dismiss him because he was a street rat. "Street rat,you say?" said the general. "Yes." said Manius. "Do you want to know a secret?" "Yes." "I am a street rat as well as you. Did you know that?" "No" "I'll let you in but don't mess about, the army will be all over me because I was meant to train you." "Ok"

Manius left the room. He was sent to Eygpt and was brilliant at the mission, Manius brought back a wealth of information. He was then sent to Legion XI and fought his first battle which I will tell you now.


Right, that is enough,More tomorrow.What do you think?

Berserker!

[Craterus]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's good, I look forward to the next installment.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Right, another part!



PART 3:BATTLE

The battle was nearing, the sun scorching the troops, their armour made it worse."Men, the Egyptians have many elephants, remember the tactic I told you about earlier, clear?" The general finished and then his senetence was replied by a chant of "Aye!"s. The general went up to Manius and said:"Hello, street rat!" The other soldiers jeered at Manius. "Stop it!" screamed Manius who then bashed the general's head off Manius's shield boss.Bang!."Agrhhhhh!"Screamed the general.
Just then, a arrow gone right into the general's eye."Oh no!Oh no! Our leader's dead!!"Said a young soldier. And so, the soldier took out his sword and stabbed hisself in the heart. "Stupid, cowering soldier!" cried a laughing officer."Right we need to battle, stop going on about the general! I'll replace his role." said Manius. "Ok sire!" said the bodyguards who hated the previous general."Right, march!"so the troops marched up a dune and stopped there." Right,charge! Hurry up,go!Go!" "Charge!"cried the soldiers.

like it?i'm doing more parts.

[Craterus]

Sounds good, you could slow it down a bit though and maybe make more of a fuss abouth the death of the general, I felt that it moved quite fast..

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

the general was sersiorly hated that's why it was rushed. only a few liked him, like that soldier who killed hiself, stupis idiot

[Craterus]

lol, I laughed at that bit..

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

one thing that is strange that i'm got only 20 posts and doing a story like the one on the title(well,duh! )