Capo, I know you can't serve, but they're not trying to piss you off. Give them a break, they must look and you and see 'a guy who can carry two bazookas!"

As far as the name thing goes, George Carlin said "To be an American and not a WASP is to have your name mispronounced your entire life by your teachers".

Not sure why the religion thing bothers you, but if it makes you feel any better, Jesus was a Jew.