Dumb AI competition

[Mikeus Caesar]

After what i recently saw on one of my old campaigns from a few months ago where the entire Western Mediterranean was quite literally blocked up with Julii mini navies, i was wondering, what's the greatest piece of AI stupidity you have ever seen?

[Siris]

Well, I just recently deleted the screen shot, but I had one of the Seleucids with eight stacks of mostly archers seiging Pergamanium, my city, lol!

[Mikeus Caesar]

Wow. Unless they plan to turn you into human pincushions, and then wait for your dead bodies to open the gates, they won't be getting anywhere quickly.

[Conqueror]

Back when I had only 1 of the River Danube's bridges guarded against Scythians, they sent an army to cross the other bridge to the west. Now that was a smart move from them of corse. But then instead of attacking either Bylazora or Tylis, they decide to attack my bridge-guarding army from the south! They took a long route to avoid a bridge battle, just to get the same bridge battle from a different direction And of corse then they were annihilated in that battle.

[Garvanko]

After what i recently saw on one of my old campaigns from a few months ago where the entire Western Mediterranean was quite literally blocked up with Julii mini navies, i was wondering, what's the greatest piece of AI stupidity you have ever seen?

Its a total joke when that happens.

[_Aetius_]

I find the way AI generals charge pointlessly into your infantry usually phalanxes for some daft reason is perhaps the most obvious and consistant stupidity on part of the AI, which is annoying especially since once the general is dead the entire battle is practically over as enemy troops flee pretty soon after their general is dead.

It didnt do it so much on Medieval but on Rome for some reason the AI is 10 times dumber, I just hope on the expansion they remedy this somehow.

[Mikeus Caesar]

The AI of RTW has all the intelligence and charm of something i would peel off the bottom of my shoe.

[professorspatula]

There's so much stupidity to mention! You could get all the stupid moments and put them in a 30 minute 'When AI in Games is STUPID' TV type show, and still have days worth of unused footage.

On the strategic map: the Carthaginians always leaving their cities unprotected with their armies lazing around on the border to neighbouring and non-hostile Numidia, all whilst Scipii land in Africa and take city after city virtually unchecked. Poor old Carthies, extinct from stupidity.

On the battlemap: the worst AI I saw was in a 12,500 man siege battle. Four German armies (3 controlled by AI), and one 1900 man Scipii army defending the walls. The 3 AI controlled German armies failed to utilise their siege equipment, and merely stood in front of the towers dying. Some spent the entire battle dropping and picking up ladders, others crashed siege towers into those dropping the ladders, and a few managed to finally scale the wall, only to then stand upon the battlements doing nothing for most of the battle. At the end of the battle, time defeated the Germans, although utter stupid AI caused most of their 7,000 deaths. I don't think I've ever tried to play another stone-wall siege battle in a campaign since. What's the point when the only skill the AI has on such occasions is dying in a spectacularly stupid manner.

Ah I just remembered possibily something even stupider! Peasants in a siege tower and stuck in 'Fighting to the death mode', randomly deciding five minutes later to leap out of the tower and then jump off the edge of the wall to their death, whilst crying, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!'. I couldn't believe it when I saw it.

[Azi Tohak]

Me: Using horse archers/cat archers as Armenia (and does it really matter what else I use?)

Egypt (well...RTR Ptolemaics): "Hey look at all the pretty horseys! I wonder if maybe I can get my phalanaxes to pet them, one unit at a time!"

Me (after 15 minutes of gunning and running down unit after unit): Dammit! Why do they keep doing this! This is the 5th army I have broken in front of Susa this morning!

Azi

[Mongoose]

Julinas the orator rallied his man for an all out attack. With his body guard he bravely charged into the entire enemy army by himself while sendind his entire army to try to walk through the walls of the enemy city. sadly, he forgot that walls are solid... and that the enemy had many arrow towers... and that he was not a jedi...

His army: 2000 his kills: 100 men remaining: 190

[pezhetairoi]

the AI is amazing. The AI doesn't use troops for the purpose they are meant. Hoplites get out of phalanx formation. Archers charge. Horse archers charge. Hastati seemingly on skirmish mode. I don't know what's wrong with the AI. *shakes head*

[sapi]

Using the general as a pincushion has to be the worst.

[Lord Dazed & Confused]

Yesterday I walked a full stack of Julii into three full stacks of Greeks and being of the thinking its easier to defend than attack I ended the turn and awaited to be attacked by about six thousand Greeks. The AI however seemed to think it would be better to send its 3 stacks on a treasure hunt or billberry picking while it sent half a stack from a near by city to be slaughtered

[PseRamesses]

Once the last Greek king marched his entire army up to mine and parked them there, doing nothing while he marched up to my line and stopped some 20 yards from me and said: "You have obliterated my kingdom, killed all my kinsmen and now I want you to finish this and kill me"
Said and done, my 6 archers launched two volleys and he was sent to Hades. after yet another couple of volleys at the Macedonian hoplite army they turned tails and ran. I didn´t even bother to chase them. "Bah, leaderless infantry, poor beggars!"

[mfberg]

I was on bridge duty with one equite guarding the bridge to Carthage. AI decides to attack with 2 gold armoured peasants and a town guard. His first unit of peasants cross the bridge, turn right, right again and walk to the edge of the water to drown their sorrows (and quite a few of their men). His second unit walks across, but doesn't wait for any support and walks up to the equites to be slaughtered. The town guard marches with the half unit of baptised peasants and gets hit on the flank by a frontal charge by my single unit.

mfberg

[lismore]

hi

I once saw about 10 units of phalanx pikemen stop and turn around. Hit em in the back with horsemen and no more phalanx. Bizarre.

[DragonIce84]

Not sure if this is dumb but... it was funny at the time, hehe. I was playing as egypt and this occoured quite early on. Unless one of us sailed along way we wouldn't be able to attack each other.

House of Scipii Offers:
Accept or we Attack

House of Scipii Demands
Please do not attack

[Mongoose]

I got that once...needless to say the attacked as soon as it was their turn

[Spartiate]

Anyone ever been to the great Eygptian tea party in the desert below Cyrene?About 6 full stacks all with heirs in charge of them just standing around and doing nothing.

[Mikeus Caesar]

All of the factions love having tea parties in the middle of nowhere with thousands of people.

[Craterus]

Including me, when I'm playing.

"More tea, Kleidemos?"

[Conqueror]

Tea parties? I always thought that they had been and too much and got and and then next morning they woke up in the desert/forest/cornfield all as they had no idea how they got there...

[Mikeus Caesar]

Obviously either the corn is too high, so they can't see teh way home, and walk around in circles forever...

Soldier: Are we there yet?
General: No.
Soldier: Are we there yet?
General: No.
Soldier: Are we there yet?
General: NO, for the love of Neptune, we are not there yet!!
Soldier: Erm...are we there yet?

Or, all of the alcohol, tea and biscuits went to their heads, and killed off the few working brain cells they had...

Soldier: Duuur....how do we get home boss?
General: Errrr....i'm not too sure of that. Oh look, a butterfly.
Soldier: Eher, pretty colours...

[Spino]

Ah the AI, my favorite topic! I'd gladly trade some of RTW's eye candy and multimedia 'flash' for substance in the form of a competent AI opponent. No matter which mod I play or how I restrain myself the end result is I lose interest so damn quickly because the AI is so bloody awful.

Anyone ever been to the great Eygptian tea party in the desert below Cyrene?About 6 full stacks all with heirs in charge of them just standing around and doing nothing.

I've seen stacks of Brutii troops doing the exact same thing in Greece. Once they secured the region they sat around doing squat for decades even though the Brutii were at war with several other factions. Those stacks would move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Great, you came, you saw, you conquered... now move those damn stacks out of Greece and conquer some more you fools!

And modders wonder why people tell them not to include backwater provinces and regions that historically speaking, were worth squat. It's because we know the AI is going to do something stupid like send several stacks to seize some worthless stretch of sand while a rival faction sends half strength armies to besiege its major population centers that are defended by a few gimpy militia units armed with sticks!

The expansion pack will supposedly allow light troops (cavalry and elephants too?) to cross rivers. Can you imagine what the AI is going to do with that kind of feature? More lambs for the slaughter!

[Mikeus Caesar]

Considering most AI armies are made up of light units, the rivers will run red with blood, as the bodies of the human pincushions float along the rivers....anyways, i'm tempted to start a new campaign right now and record all of my casualties and all the enemy casualties just for the pure novelty of finding out how many men i sacrifice and murder for the aim of world domination.

[professorspatula]

Anyone ever been to the great Eygptian tea party in the desert below Cyrene?About 6 full stacks all with heirs in charge of them just standing around and doing nothing.

This is one of the worst affected areas of atrocious campaign AI in my experience. Often you get Scipii or Carthage on the other side of Africa, Egypt at Cyrene on the other. The two armies are typically loath to move across the border to engage in battle. Even if Cyrene is rebel, Scipii or Carthage won't move to take it because it means travelling through Libya first, which is an area they don't control and probably the Egyptian's. The trek across from Lecpis Magna to Siwa (Libyan settlement) is huge, and therefore neither force seems very interested in trying to take it. Often a stalemate ensues, and you get large stacks of armies on the borders doing nothing. Meanwhile, whilst their armies sit around drinking beer and frequenting brothels, their empires fade away elsewhere.

Another area where AI is seemingly poor is the Steppes. The AI has no idea how to properly co-ordinate its armies over small spaces, let alone large expanses.

[Colovion]

my army was doomed, I was sure - a large line of phalanxes outnumbering my men 3 to 1 - and my men being mostly cavalry at that

about 50 feet away they decide to break formation and chase after my cavalry skirmishers on the flanks

once they lost formation, they were done; my cavalry trounced them. They wouldn't even just sit in formation and wait for a charge (which they would have destroyed me in) but instead they just bacame no more than headless chickens chasing after units unable to catch

[parrrrk]

Same as Colovion.
I usually position phalanx on center and cavalry on both wings. And full stack of enemy pikeman...they march in strict order and we are about to charge each other. Then what? enemy line suddenly break up and they are after my cavalry!! Then goes frantic clicking. I feel as if I have only horse archers(of course they are heavy cavalry, sadly). Hit and run. What about my phalanx which I have so carefully raised and trained? They just march for some time in order not to break line, but eventually they have to break and mop up enemy units.

I think AI is so obsessed about using counter units. Pikeman against cavalry, cavalry against skirmishers and so on.

And besides, AI in siege battle is so terrible so I don't want to talk about it.