Men of honour

**Monk** · 05-27-2005, 20:58

these are imho of course

Berserker! You should work on describing things in more detail.

For example, Since you are doing a writing based loosely on WWII you should try to be historic. The Invasion of Normandy was a closely guarded secret by the Allies, so to have the commander just walk in and say a few lines isn't really enough. He'd have to outline everything in great detail, but at the same time would be telling his men to keep their mouth shut about it so the Germans wouldn't find out.

you don't describe sounds hardly at all. You should work on that (if you want)

In part 4 you say the plane is hit by AA fire, but you don't describe anything. It comes off empty and without substance. A big challenge for any writer is immersing the reader into the story, that includes not only sights but smells, sounds and that sort of thing. Try to focus not on what type of sound is made, but how it is created and how it sounded.

What i mean by this is; in part 4 you describe gunshots by "pow pow". well, that is the type of sound a gun makes, but it gives little description. Try telling the reader how the sound was made, was it a loud noise? (ect. ect.)

If i'm not being clear please tell me.