Shakespeares Kingdom of Heaven Script

**AtorianPaladin** · 05-24-2005, 22:12

Shakespeare’s version of Kingdom of Heaven, during the siege of Jerusalem.

*Know that as this is happening, it is a raging battle, but yet the characters have time for very very long lines, because obviously the rules of time and relativity don’t apply.

Lord Balian: Here I stand, on the walls of this holy city, awaiting the mighty foes to disembark from there foul siege towers. Hear me Saladin! We will defend this citadel to the last, and never shall so many owe so much to so few!

Soldier: Lo! What infidels from yonder tower disembark! Let us prepare our manly readiness, for we shall match steel with these women born heathens!

Lord Balian: Ay, prepare ourselves, and ready the bottles of Naptha that have been issued ye. Know ye mighty warriors, it says in the footnote that Naptha is a substance of benzene and coal dust, which goes boom! Hold out ye’r Naptha and prepare to cast it forth when the drawbridges drop.

Soldier: Wait my lord, how long must we wait before we cast the bottles forth?

Lord Balian: Know this all! Ye must wait exactly three seconds before throwing the Naptha forth, no more, no less, not two, not four, but three. Prepare your mighty arms for throwing, the drawbridges drop! Cast your vile liquids at the enemy, but hurry, because my lines take a lot of time!

Soldier: Lord Balian, be on thy guard! A most vile infidel approaches ye! He will skewer ye on his scimitar if you are not careful! Oh Snap! He just did, sorry!

Soldier 2: Why couldn’t you have just said heads up! Gosh, Idiot!

Lord Balian: I look in the eyes of my foe, and he looks in mine. I shall say as I gasp for air: Et tu Mohammed? Ohh, I am dieing, the blade must be wedged deep in my spinal column, yet I can still deliver my soliloquy. Deliver it I must, but lo! I am falling from the wall, Oww! I have fallen, and driven the blade deeper into me. I feel the blood gushing forth from me, and know the end is near. AHHHHH! I AM DIED!

**master of the puppets** · 05-24-2005, 23:38

lol, very nice
oh and also welcome to da mead hall (monk should be sayin that but...watever)

**Uesugi Kenshin** · 05-25-2005, 02:51

Amazing! Somone took my advice!

Still a great little tale. Enjoy your time in the hall of mead.

**The Stranger** · 05-25-2005, 19:42

look at my sig, that must say enough

**Uesugi Kenshin** · 05-25-2005, 20:36

This tale has also gotten me feeling guilty, I haven't written a short story in a while. I am going to try to do one tonight though...

**Monk** · 05-25-2005, 21:21

I like the humour in this

The one thing that must be said though, is since there are no scene descriptions the characters will have to describe their surroundings in their words. Otherwise we as the readers get no visual of what is going on...but maybe that's because i never saw the movie

BUT, having said that. i still found it enjoyable

MotP did the welcome for me, but in anycase....

welcome to the Mead Hall!

**master of the puppets** · 05-26-2005, 01:57

i believe monk, that there was not supposed to be any scene description. its like a shakspear play, just the talkin. or so i percieve, mabey i'm just dumb

**Monk** · 05-26-2005, 02:32

well MotP, there are numerous ways to subtly describe your surroundings through dialogue. Shakespeare himself does this once or twice.

**AtorianPaladin** · 05-26-2005, 03:31

Realy, it doesnt matter, i wrote it in 5 minutes, and laughed my ass off the whole time writing it. I wrote it specifically for a group of friends who saw the movie with me, so it doesnt especially need the subtle clues as to where the loacation is. Trust me if I felt they needed to be in there they would be in there.

**AntiochusIII** · 05-26-2005, 04:42

This thing reminds me of why Romeo should give a much longer death speech so that Juliet would just wake up before he kills himself. Poor, poor boy. I am certain he is capable of a one-hour soliloquy, thus, an even longer death speech.