Fall of Constantinople

[Ludens]

Nice. The scenes are now a lot less bare, which is a good thing. It may have gone a bit too far to the other side though: you need not give a very detailed description of the surrounding, just enough to set the scene, but that's just my opinion. Also, the introductory paragraphs for both the despot and the duke interrupt the flow. It's better to spread this information a bit, and better still to show this through their actions rather than explicitly telling it to the audience. The latter is very hard to do well, though.

BTW, I get the impression that you haven't proofread the text as there are a number of minor errors of lay-out and grammar. Also, you can use either "Pope Eugenio III" or "Pope Eugenio the Third", but not "Pope Eugenio the III rd".

I hope you find time to finish this story, and good luck with writing.

[edyzmedieval]

Yes, the IIIrd thing I used it deliberately, but since I got feedback, I won't use it any more. Thanks Ludens.

[Prince Cobra]

Well, I was really impressed. The Chapter is excellent and definately the best in the whole novel! Congratulations, edyz!

As always I will not comment your English since I am not very good in this part too. But it seems it has improved .

Well, I think edyz tried to depict the magnificent court of Athens and its ruler by describing the surrounding, Ludens. My personal opinion is that in such a cases there sould be made some exceptions.

But ... ( I know you hate this word) you are just at the very beginning. There are many things to be improved like making your characters more close to the reader. There are many not very connected to each other scenes (btw, I have a common problem). But I see progress so in the process of writing you will overcome it. So go on.

And please avoid phrases like admiring the monuments of the Akropolis for the 100th time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[edyzmedieval]

Yes, I have to agree, that phrase was a bit off.

Thank you Stephen for the comments.
I am continuing to write, especially because it's vacation time.

[melihbek94]

sup guys im new so probably you dont know me nice book man its missing details im a turk so i know a lot about turkish history and warfare also it would be beter if when the armies are fighting if you could include war cries if you need some examples i can give you some

[edyzmedieval]

Thank you for the offer. I aim to make a combination between Historical Accuracy and pleasurable reading, so many of the things arent quite historical.

[edyzmedieval]

My fellow readers, another chapter is almost finished. So, expect some new action soon.

[Prince Cobra]

The fellow readers are waiting! :p

[Gebeleisis]

good going my romanian comrade :)


clujul acia :D

[edyzmedieval]

My friends, this is the last chapter for a quite long period of time. Some might know why, I won't go into details. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and when I will have time, I will continue writing.

Cheers everyone.

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A young man stepped carefully in the big chamber. He was helping the many painters Pope Eugene IV employed for decorating the ceiling of one of his newly built court rooms. The Pope was an admirer of beauty and he wanted the Vatican to be known around the world for its culture. Paradoxally, the Pope was an austere and modest man, trying to help the poor whenever he could, earning him lots of respect from the Catholic world for his actions. He closely inspected the court room every few hours, carefully supervising the decoration process, as it moved on quickly, because of the large and skilled team of workers. His Holiness was increasingly satisfied of the work being done, as he felt that this truly represented the grandeur of the city on the 7 hills.
The painters worked frantically to complete the decoration in time for the upcoming festivities. Even they were enthusiastic about their own work, and they were promised even substantial bonuses so they could finish it faster. Unobserved, The Pope let a tear drop on the floor. The doctors who recently consulted him didn’t give him too many chances to live on for long. He was very ill, and he could barely walk without help, or even talk, and the fact that he could not see this masterpiece complete overwhelmed him with sorrow. Slowly, he turned rounded and exited the court building and went slowly to the Basilica San Pietro, with a specific purpose in his mind. Outside, a clear blue sky with a glowing sun cheered the Pope, as he always loved to be in touch with Mother Nature. The bright rays bounced off the cupola of the cathedral right into the eyes of the prelate, but it did not bother him too much, as he was about to enter the old building.
He went down a spiral staircase, into the cold underground burial chambers. Eugene glanced at the door of the Vatican archives but decided it was not the case and cast aside a big door which led to a dark and humid chamber. The Burial Chamber. The place where all of his predecessors on the Papal Throne were buried. He looked closely at every tomb, paying homage to those he considered they deserved respect. When he reached the tomb of Eugenio the Third, he kneeled but was interrupted by an aide who sneaked inside without a sound.
“Excuse me your Highness, but Messer Filarete told me to come to you. He has something urgent to show you.”
“Very well. I shall come.”
He let out a short prayer in the memory of Eugenio the Third and slowly left the chamber with the aid. Once back in the cathedral, the former cardinal was greeted by a tall and skinny man with a bushy moustache, dressed in typical Italian mercantile clothes.
“You wished to see me, Messer?”
“Your Holiness, the carved bronze doors you have ordered for the place of God are finally finished. They are outside waiting for your final approval.”
Gabriele Condulmer (The Pope), flanked by the artist, exited the Basilica and went over to a small group of people who were manning the huge pieces of bronze. The design was absolutely breathtaking and deeply impressed the Pope, who let another tear drop to his feet. Finely carved bronze shined in front of those present, and without further ado, the prelate smiled and said:
“They get my full approval, Messer. A splendid job by you and your workers.”
Filarete was extremely happy. Another satisfied customer meant more money. Time is money to him, so he ordered the workers to move on and install the doors.
After this event, Pope Eugenio the Fourth slowly but surely started to lose life. He tried to do a few more projects but Death caught up with him. Gabriele died shortly after the treaty of Konstanz, and after 2 days of voting, the Council of Cardinals voted on his successor: Pope Niccolo the Fifth. Under his reign, the New Rome fell under the attacks of the Ottoman Turks…

*** - Islamic Rising, 1444

The Janissary uprising grew in its importance quite fast enough to get out of control. Things started to degenerate, especially when not only the soldiers revolted. A large portion of the Muslim population in Brussa became restless when information about Mehmed’s sexual orientation is not a normal one. Ironically, Bayazid, great grandfather of Mehmed and even Mehmed’s grandfather had the same tastes, even if Murad, Mehmed’s father, totally banned these sodomic practices, as he called them. These things had an impact of the morality of the population, who now felt the ruler of the empire is an unworthy one.
To add to the unrest, the Janissaries created serious problems themselves. They started to pillage the buildings near the Barracks, and this clearly infuriated the Sultan, and even Khalil, the Grand Vizier, who had not expected such rash attacks, especially in this moment, when Albania, led by a former Ottoman general, Skanderbeg Kastrioti, declared independence and killed the entire Ottoman garrison, along with the capture of the Kruje castle, a very powerful stronghold. Mehmed immediately summoned the High Council, and this included Kurci Doghan, the Aga of the Janissaries. Once everyone was seated, Khalil shouted:
“Explain this situation, Aga Kurci!”
“What is there that should be explained, Khalil? The Janissaries want more money. That’s all they want.”
“And why could they not ask for it?” replied Sehab-ed-Din, the Great Chamberlain
“Who should they believe actually? The Sultan of course. But who? Murad or Mehmed?”
“It does not matter who should they believe. It matters that they caused total chaos in the city!” shouted Khalil.
“Calm down Khalil, we have come here to find a solution. What do you propose Aga Kurci?” replied calmly Sehab.
“Raising the pay for the soldiers. If not, they will cause havoc within the capital.”
“Perhaps we should arrest and kill you right now, Aga Kurci. How do we know you are not behind this uprising, trying to seize power with the help of the Janissaries, like the Praetorian Guard in the old Rome?” said Sehab.
“Then suffer the consequences of a total pillaging of Brussa!”
“Very well. You propose a pay rise. What does the Minister of Finance say about this?”
“The treasury cannot suffer a serious alteration or we will have another crisis on our hands.”
“But there has to be a solution to get out of this. The Janissary army in Brussa has about 7000 soldiers. Rising the pay would not have a serious impact on our treasury, and it will have, if we rise the pay for all of the Janissary corps.” said Khalil.
“And bow down to their demands? Are you afraid Khalil? said Sehab.
“I would want to die happily Sehab, not in a Janissary pike.”
“What about the rest of us? We might all die if this is a scam.” said Zaganos Pasha.
“And you want the troops to surely revolt if we kill Aga Kurci?” intervened Orkhan Pasa.
“You have a point, but I still believe it is a trick.”
“Believe want you want Sehab.” said Khalil bitterly.
Most of the high-ranked officials agreed with the result of the discussion, except Zaganos Pasha and Sehab-ed-Din. They could not do anything about it, except to watch Khalil a message to Mehmed about the result of this meeting.
“Zaganos, make sure you keep a watch on Aga Kurci, we don’t quite know what is he up to.” whispered Sehab.
“That is exactly what I intend to do…”

================================================================

Thank you for reading.

[Warmaster Horus]

A good read, as always.

Oh, and enjoy yourself where you're going. It's gonna be different, not having you 'round here...

[edyzmedieval]

Guys, I'm giving you a heads up. Since I finish the work when I have "Study Hall" a lot earlier than the hall finishes, I have time to work on the novel. So, expect a new one soon.

[edyzmedieval]

A very short one before I will release something really nice soon. I've compiled every chapter in just one document, and now I am editing and adding to the previous chapters and I will release the updated stuff.

Have fun on this one.


========================================================

Lezhe, Albania, March 1444

Everyone was gathered in the hall. Every noble family of the surroundings was in this confined space. The Gojcins, Dukagjin, Arianitis, Muzakas… It did not matter who was more powerful right now, because they were all equal under the command of a single man. Dominating everyone was Gjergj Kastrioti, otherwise known as Skanderbeg or Iskander Bey. Most of the people present were dressed in armour and with heavy guarding with them, since this was a clandestine and very secret meeting. Nobody had to know about it, except them. They were all gathered for a very special meeting, and it all depended on them to get it to the end, and to do it properly too. Most nobles refused to meet, but Skanderbeg’s influence and power convinced them to come and do this thing. Now nobody could back up. They started it, they had to finish it, and so far, nobody did want to back up. Fight to the end, that was the general spirit.

Skanderbeg ordered silence and everyone seated at the table and looked to this imposing man. He was fairly tall, bearded and always wore his trusty sword encrusted with his personal motto - “It wasn’t me who brought you freedom, I found it here, among you”. His military brilliance was recognized even by the Ottoman Turks, who compared him with the great Alexander, conqueror of the entire known world. His imposing figure coupled with legendary chivalry, to die for his country and with his skill and prowess in battle made him a very popular figure even between the ranks of his enemies. But this popularity had it’s fair share of unwanted things too. Skanderbeg became one of the Ottoman Empire’s most hated enemies, and they were sending thousands and thousands of troops onto him, but he managed to repel them every time. As all things have a start and an end, it was about time Skanderbeg needed help. His troops were highly skilled, but their numbers declined rapidly, and they were hungry and tired. He needed a lot of help, and by uniting the noble families of Albania and the surroundings, he could finally get much needed help to continue the Late Crusade against the Turks, and this was the specific purpose of the League of Lezhe.

Once everyone was gathered, they were invited to sit down. Skanderbeg looked at everyone present and examined them carefully. Some of them were clear supporters of him, some were neutral and some were supporting the Ottoman Turks. It did not matter right now. They were all here, and with a specific purpose. History remained history. At least now they understood the danger these barbarians meant, Skanderbeg thought.
The gathering was about to begin, but still the representative on the noble Gojcin family, Stefanica. This had no importance to Skanderbeg, as he was very eager to begin and to end it very fast, as he needed action, not words.

“My friends! The time has come! The time to rebel against those Turkish infidels! When I assumed leadership of the resistance, I did it with passion, honour and dearest love for my country, the place where I was born, and now I swear to defend it with my life. They cannot take it from us, and I am asking you, my dear nobles, to fight yourselves with the same passion that I have and with the greatest pride that you can have. Defend your land! Defend and protect what is yours! Women, your dear children, your land, your homeland…Defend it. But we must do it together. United we stand, united we win, united we will succeed in this war! Are you with me?”

A great cheer and uproar came from the entire room. Skanderbeg was a great military leader, but he proved that he had some Cicero blood in him too. The next thing, they put down the technical details. Every greater noble was to supply with at least 5000 men the resistance, while the mountain tribes were required just 500 men to aid the Lezhe cause. Apart from the supplying the league with men, all noble houses and tribes were required to pay taxes in order to help the league even further, not just by aiding it with men. Without any doubt, Skanderbeg was voted leader, and everyone bowed to him. Even if they were under his command, every house and tribe kept its total sovereignty, the League of Lezhe clearly stating these rules, which was a major factor in the forming of this united group. The Sicilian Kingdom of Naples, The Kingdom of Hungary and the former enemy, the Serenissima Republica of Venezia provided the financial backbone and was the major support for the league.

Once the gathering was disbanded, everyone returned to their fiefs, and starting preparing for the upcoming fierce battles against the Ottoman rule. Now it was all up to Skanderbeg and his army to win or die fighting…

=====================================================================

[edyzmedieval]

Guys, just a heads up, in the past month I have been working seriously on my book. I extended it from about 15000 words to 20000, and I am just on the chapter after the siege in 1422!

So, be excited guys, you shall have a really superb read!

[Ayachuco]

Yay! I will be waiting eagerly for the next installment. One question; is your book going to be a hardcover or a paperback?

[edyzmedieval]

Lol. I dont know, its up to my editor. He will decide. Talk to him and tell me.

0800-IAMEDITOR

[edyzmedieval]

Guys a quick update. Holidays are approaching and I hope that immediately after Christmas I can give you the full revamping of my book.

[Ayachuco]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Inhumanity!!!
WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Next Chapter will never come and it leaves me with one choice...SUICIDE!!!
My avatar will now slit his wrists and die.

*DISCLAIMER*

[edyzmedieval]

Don't worry Draco, it will come, even if it will take a LOT of time.

[edyzmedieval]

This weekend you will have the first five chapters fully edited. I had no choice but to restart the editing, and hopefully everyone will enjoy it.

[edyzmedieval]

As I have promised, here are the first 5 chapters of my book.
Fully edited.

Old version had 6 pages and about 3300 words, new version has 12 pages and around 5300 words.

Download links below.

http://rapidshare.de/files/38665125/...pters.pdf.html
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XADM1UO9

Please comment on my book, I wish feedback in order to improve it.

[edyzmedieval]

Feedback on the first chapters anyone?

[Ludens]

My apologies for taking so long to respond. I'd printed out your story and put it on my to-read stack, but it got buried under a heap of other things (I am in the final weeks of my graduation project, and there is so much that has yet to be added ).

Anyway, it's very well written. There is a couple of style issues, but on the whole your English is very good. The dialogue has improved too, however my main critique is that the story itself is bare. It seems like you are trying to give a brief overview of events leading up to the fall of Constantinople. It doesn't have to be as complex as Stephen Asen's story, but at it is, it's too simple and too short. I for one imagine there was far more intrigue going on in the Byzantine camp. I also think there is rather little attention for the characters: we only see them as rulers, not as humans. Perhaps you could show a bit more of their characters and personal lives.

Good luck writing the next chapters!

[edyzmedieval]

Much appreciated Ludens.
Holiday came, so plenty of time for writing.

[Monk]

Hello edyzmedieval. How are you?

I'm downloading your first five chapters now and will give them a read over the next day or so. Looking forward to them!

[Monk]

Hm. How goes edyzmedieval? I've not seen you around since I posted my last comment, hope all is well.

Anyway I got a chance to read over your first five chapters and I'd say I am in agreement with Ludens. The story, while having a good flow to it, seems bare. I don't have much more to add to that except to inquire as to whether you still plan to continue?

If so good luck writing them, I'm sure it will only improve.

[edyzmedieval]

Monkeeey!!! Monkey monkey monkey! :jump:

I'm around here, except that I went back to school so I had to arrange everything. BOOORING. It's fine, i'm someway around the half of the next 5.

I know that it is bare in the beginning, because it's a sort of long prologue, giving information to the reader before everything starts.

[Monk]

Good to know you're still around then! And yes, i'm back as you noticed

Look forward to further chapters. It's good that you have recognized the first chapters are a little bare, hope you get the chance to further flesh out events in the coming installments. Remember: Details, details and more details!

[edyzmedieval]

It is exactly what I am trying to focus more. I'm trying to flesh out the characters and the scenery around them so it gives a more realistic, compelling and immersive feeling to the entire experience of reading the book.

[edyzmedieval]

Hey everyone, I wanted to post up a note about the progress. I've started working on it again and ill hope that I can give a few chapters soon.
Its going pretty slow unfortunately, but I want it to be much better than it was.