Fall of Constantinople

[edyzmedieval]

Yeah, I kinda do Ludens.

First 2 chapters rewritten and revised.

[ByzantineKnight]

Is it coming?

[edyzmedieval]

Next chapter in the making.

[ByzantineKnight]

Ok Thanks!

[edyzmedieval]

Guys, I am for the moment in vacation, plus I have a lack of inspiration momentarily. So the next chapter would come out later than expected. Sorry.

[edyzmedieval]

Inspiration has come back, and the pen is flowing. Progress is going well with the new chapter.

[Ludens]

Nice. The scenes are now a lot less bare, which is a good thing. It may have gone a bit too far to the other side though: you need not give a very detailed description of the surrounding, just enough to set the scene, but that's just my opinion. Also, the introductory paragraphs for both the despot and the duke interrupt the flow. It's better to spread this information a bit, and better still to show this through their actions rather than explicitly telling it to the audience. The latter is very hard to do well, though.

BTW, I get the impression that you haven't proofread the text as there are a number of minor errors of lay-out and grammar. Also, you can use either "Pope Eugenio III" or "Pope Eugenio the Third", but not "Pope Eugenio the III rd".

I hope you find time to finish this story, and good luck with writing.

[edyzmedieval]

Yes, the IIIrd thing I used it deliberately, but since I got feedback, I won't use it any more. Thanks Ludens.

[Prince Cobra]

Well, I was really impressed. The Chapter is excellent and definately the best in the whole novel! Congratulations, edyz!

As always I will not comment your English since I am not very good in this part too. But it seems it has improved .

Well, I think edyz tried to depict the magnificent court of Athens and its ruler by describing the surrounding, Ludens. My personal opinion is that in such a cases there sould be made some exceptions.

But ... ( I know you hate this word) you are just at the very beginning. There are many things to be improved like making your characters more close to the reader. There are many not very connected to each other scenes (btw, I have a common problem). But I see progress so in the process of writing you will overcome it. So go on.

And please avoid phrases like admiring the monuments of the Akropolis for the 100th time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[edyzmedieval]

Yes, I have to agree, that phrase was a bit off.

Thank you Stephen for the comments.
I am continuing to write, especially because it's vacation time.