Joke thread

**InsaneApache** · 06-10-2005, 10:14

looked for the old thread...but its not here

..so here goes another...

Three ducks walked into a bar.

“Say, what’s your name?” the bartender asked the first duck.

“Huey,” was the reply.

“How’s your day been, Huey?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey.

“Oh. That’s nice,” said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, “Hi, and what’s your name?”

“Dewey,” came the answer from duck number two.

“So how’s your day been, Dewey?” he asked.

“Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?”

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, “So, you must be Louie?”

“No,” she said, batting her eyelashes. “My name is Puddles.”

**Arrowhead** · 06-10-2005, 17:25

A duck walked into a bar.
"Got any peanuts?" said the duck.
"No mate, this is a bar." Said the bartender.
Next day...
Duck walks in.
"Got any peanuts?"
"NO MATE, THIS IS A BAR!" Said the bartender.
Next day...
"Got any peanuts?"
"NO and if you come in tomorrow and ask for peanuts I will nail your beak to that wall."
Next day...
"Got any nails?"asked the duck
"no"
Got any peanuts?"

**Dutch_guy** · 06-10-2005, 19:12

good one InsaneApache

**thrashaholic** · 06-10-2005, 19:25

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a pint,

the bartender obliges and pulls the neutron a pint,

the neutron says "how much is that then?",

the bartender replies "for you mate? No charge."

*waits for groans*

**InsaneApache** · 06-10-2005, 20:45

the neutron says "how much is that then?",

the bartender replies "for you mate? No charge."

No mate this is a JOKE thread ....oh dear

BTW ..... if I was an electron this wouldnt be a negative response

**Lemur** · 06-11-2005, 03:59

The difference between heaven and hell:

In heaven, all of the cops are British, the mechanics are German, the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian and everything's run by the Swiss.

In hell, all of the cops are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss and everything's run by the Italians.

It's an old joke, but a good one. And it kills if you can reel it off fast enough.

**discovery1** · 06-11-2005, 05:07

Originally Posted by thrashaholic

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a pint,

the bartender obliges and pulls the neutron a pint,

the neutron says "how much is that then?",

the bartender replies "for you mate? No charge."

*waits for groans*

That made me smile. I'm such a nerd.

What good is Uranium for?

To bake the yellow cakes!

**Samurai Waki** · 06-11-2005, 11:36

A Guy Walks into a bar, and sees something peculiar, a very small man is playing a piano. He walks up to the guy standing next to little piano player and asks him "so where'd you find him" The Man shrugs and replies "Oh I got him from a genie in a magic lamp, but since I'm all out of wishes... I guess you can have it." The Man hands him the lamp, and he rubs it three times. All of a sudden out a pops a genie who says "I grant you one wish and wish only". The Guy thinks really hard about what to wish for and after some self debate finally says "I want a million bucks!" The Genie nods and replies "Your wish has been granted".
A few Seconds go by and nothing happens...
Then he looks at the genie questioningly... the genie points out the entrance of the bar and says "its out there." The Guy opens the entrance to bar and sees a herd of Male Deer farther than the eye can see... he turns around furiously and exclaims "I Didn't want a million Deer! I wanted A million Dollars!" Then the Man who had given him the lamp turns around and replies "Do you think I wished for a 12 inch Pianist?"

**IliaDN** · 06-11-2005, 11:43

**Fragony** · 06-11-2005, 11:48

A hunter wants to shoot a huge grizzly, his wife wants a nice carpet and is nagging him to death. SO he goes into the woods, and sees a beautifull grizzly. He takes his gun, aims, shoots, and misses.
The bear charges, stops just before him, and commands the hunter to bend over. Well when a bear says that you better do it, and he doesn't sit very well that evening. Of course the hunter cannot give up, so next day he tries it again. He sees the bear, aims, shoots, and misses. The bear charges, stops just before him, and commands the hunter to bend over. Ayayayay that's got to hurt, the hunter barely makes it home. Next day, he tries again, for 3 is a blessed number. He sees the bear, aims, shoots, misses. The bear charges, stops just before him: 'you are not really here to hunt are you?'