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Thread: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

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    Member Member Auctoritas's Avatar
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    Default What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Here's my most humbling experience (to date mind you, I never underestimate my ability to screw up...): [playing on hard/hard]
    I attacked the last Carthaginian citadel with a relatively balanced army of ~1450 men. The Carthaginian general is holed up behind stone walls with only about 550 troops. The one wild card, I am attacking with a no star general, he is defending with a 7 star general.

    What happened? Do the words "crushing defeat" ring a bell? I lost nearly 1100 dedicated roman troopers and the rest fled all the way back to the ship.

    Clearly, I still have much to learn.....
    Last edited by Auctoritas; 06-23-2005 at 04:52.
    As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back, For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
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  2. #2
    Member Member CMcMahon's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    VH battle on normal size in my Julii campaign. I had 400 men, mainly hastati with a couple principes, a young general, five equites and a barbarian cavalry, and some velites; the German horde had 700 men, mostly spear warbands, but also a general, two supporting units of cavalry, a couple groups of axemen, and 20 or 30 screeching women. Now, had those spear warbands been regular warbands, this would've been cake, but they weren't, so it was more like a burnt apple pie.

    Now, they're on the attack, so I set my line up three men deep, with the principes in the center in the velites on the back. I send all of my cavalry out into the woods to hide, except for my general, who i put behind the velites.

    I start the battle, and send my cav back around behind them, thinking "easy rout". I thought wrong. As my cavalry comes out of the woods, half of the spear warbands turn around and start coming my way. I separate my units, and have them flank the warbands to face them the wrong way, and send my opposite side cavalry in to take them out. This works.

    What doesn't work, though, is when the axemen come rushing in along with the cavalry, routing all of my cav; at least I managed to kill off half of their spear warbands, half of their cavalry, and their general.

    So my cavalry runs away. My general is in the back now, with his best cavalry running like hell, and some undermanned infantry forming a single line in front of him with a slight numerical advantage but not enough to make it decisive.

    The hastati and principes throw their first pila at the oncoming phalanxes. Then they throw their second. They still barely outnumber the opposition, who has their remaining cavalry running in from behind, and screeching women flanking on the side.

    The phalanxes hit my soldiers as I try to manuever them around, and the cavalry comes in from the left, routing a unit of hastati. My velites back up in skirmish. Both of my principe units rout from the three warbands hitting them. My right side hastati routs as a phalanx and the women hit them simultaneously. I run my general around back and rout a single phalanx, only to have my general rout and barely survive with three of his men as the axemen come back. My remaining hastati rout as the now numerically superior Germans beat the pants off them with their phalanxes. And the velites, they get eaten up by the cavalry.

    So far, in my campaign, that was the only battle I haven't been able to win. So I'm going back to hit them with two armies right now, with seasoned hastati and some freshly trained archers.

  3. #3
    Lurker Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I once lost a battle where i was out numberd 5:4...


    Hasn't happnded again in months though.

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    Guest BrutalDictatorship's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    VH battles are not the hardest...it's actually the opposite, they're the quickest and easiest.

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    Member Member Auctoritas's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Can someone explain how very hard/very hard is the easiest in terms of battle resolution?

    I have been playing on hard/hard for about 3 weeks and I still lose the occassional battle even when I have a numerical advantage. (Usually when they have an uber general.) Any input....?
    As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back, For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
    - Rudyard Kipling

  6. #6

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    my worst defeat ever was in carthage when I had all the wall capture except that I had modded the export_descr_unit to make all the unit in the game more stronger in mental ability. Send two of my urban to take the wall, once it capture got three legion cohort in. However, to my surprise is that carthage elephant start step and hurling my man into mid air. The ele routed my roman legionary and again and again until I lost all my general.
    Lord of Lucius
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    Deranged Rock Ape Member Zakor's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    There was one two-star general (24 men) who had ZERO ranged weapons.

    He was sieging my city.

    I had 4x80 archers, 2 cataphract archers, 1 spear/mercenaries and 2 peasants.

    I did autoresolve.

    I lost.

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    Member Member spacekraken's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Right when I first bought the game, I started a Julii campaign and conquered the city just north of their starting province. So I sent one of my generals off by himself to govern it and walked right into an ambush of at least 100 Gauls. I tried to fight but it was just sad. I lost a family member right at the start of the game.
    "A well-calculated move straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text The Art of War, or my own masterwork, Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War."

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    Senior member Senior Member Dutch_guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zakor
    There was one two-star general (24 men) who had ZERO ranged weapons.

    He was sieging my city.

    I had 4x80 archers, 2 cataphract archers, 1 spear/mercenaries and 2 peasants.

    I did autoresolve.

    I lost.
    yeah I know what you mean, if I lose a battle it's on autoresolve, had the same thing a couple of times.

    I really hate the game when it does that.

    I'm an athiest. I get offended everytime I see a cold, empty room. - MRD


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    Hǫr­ar Member Viking's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    The worst battles I have is the siege assaults where I manage to kill my general and loose 1000 men only `cause of that.

    Also I had some horrible battles in a Carthage campaign on VH/VH where I lost more than 2000 men in two battles because of the morale bonus the AI got. That was indeed embarassing and horrible smackdowns.
    Runes for good luck:

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    Emperor Siris Member Siris's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Autoresolve sucks...

    Every time I try that out, I lose, but if I go in & fight, I get a Crushing Victory?


  12. #12

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I know its a different gane, but my worst ever TW experience was on Viking invasion on one of my first goes.
    I had a garrison of 200 peasants who were attacked by 12 troops, 12 bezerkers

    I kill zero, they killed all 200

    I still feel the shame today

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    Villiage Idiot Member antisocialmunky's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Peasants suck though, and beserkers own.
    Fighting isn't about winning, it's about depriving your enemy of all options except to lose.



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    Lurker Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Quote Originally Posted by Auctoritas
    Can someone explain how very hard/very hard is the easiest in terms of battle resolution?

    I have been playing on hard/hard for about 3 weeks and I still lose the occassional battle even when I have a numerical advantage. (Usually when they have an uber general.) Any input....?
    Because, like many things in RTW, it is bugged.

  15. #15

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Quote Originally Posted by mongoose
    Because, like many things in RTW, it is bugged.
    So what is the most difficult setting?

  16. #16
    Lurker Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I would say that it's largely a matter of preference. The A still gets some bonus's on VH, but it's slow flanking tactics won't work because the game is roughly two times faster.


    So i would say they are pretty much the same; one is just slower.

  17. #17

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    never been smacked down even what I wanted to be...(often, i like challenge)

    autoresolve, which is bugged, has screwed me over a few times though...

    when CA can produce a game that actually does "smack me down", I'll /clap.

  18. #18
    Member Member CMcMahon's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I lost one today where I actually outnumbered the enemy, for the first time (this does not include barbarian vs urban cohort setups in custom); I was Julii vs the Spanish, and was up by about 100 men. Unfortunately for my hastati, half of the Spanish units were warhounds. I'm sure that you can imagine the results.

    Then I replayed it, but let them attack me instead of the other way around. I ended up routing their entire army in a bridge battle. Imagine that.

  19. #19

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I managed to get a 600 soldier army annihilated last night after foolishly attacking what I thought was an easy rebel army...

    Three quarter stack army which I presumed was mainly peasants and eastern infantry and I attacked it with my Seculid Heir and a few merc's (on way to relieve sieged city) to get a few experience points, before attacking the Pontus sieging forces.

    Very nasty surpirse when I noticed they had 8 naked fanatics, 4 heavy cavlry a couple skirmishers and a family member... Ran away but the next turn they caught me up and utterly destroyed by army.

    My hoplites ensured all my army died as they held whilst the rest of the army was chased down and slain... Then they got surrounded and fought to the death..
    I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Senior Member econ21's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    The one that sticks in my mind is when I had a Carthaginian army over-run by an equivalent sized Gaulish one. Both armies were fairly evenly matched and had conventional units (no ellies), but I thought I should win as I win virtually every battle in vanilla RTW. However, the key thing was my general had zero stars and the Gaulish leader had 4 or 5. The Gauls formed a line with cavalry on their flanks, as did I. The Gaulish cavalry smashed my cavalry and while the Gaulish infantry quickly charged through my line. My morale crashed in about half a minute and it was all over. I've had similar experiences in MTW. A major reason vanilla RTW seems easy is that the player's generals usually have many stars and the AI none. Reverse it and you can get the kind of challenge provided by the Roma mod.

    The other embarassing smackdown is when my spy opened a gate to a stonewalled city. I quickly raced my tricked out Carthaginian army, 20 units with elephants and all, through the city gates. Virtually all of them were barbecued by boiling oil pouring over the gates. My army was cinders before I realised what had happened. Reload time.

  21. #21
    Member Member Auctoritas's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    As I slowly, slowly pick up tips from this website and my own gameplay, I have come to realize that I am not utilizing my generals particularly well. I have been banishing them to governor duties in even well established towns, rather than bringing them to the field of battle.

    Yesterday, I finally decided to stop fighting battles wherein I pit my Captain Nobodyius against a 3 or 4 or 5 star enemy general. Low and behold...I don't suck nearly as bad as I had come to believe after visiting this site a few times and reading all of the 6000 to 0 kill rate stories.


    OK...I probably still suck a little at this game....but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
    As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back, For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
    - Rudyard Kipling

  22. #22

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Ok, this happened not too long ago. It was my first battle back after a long break from RTW, so it is forigivable.

    Playing as Macedon, I was sieging Tarentum (Brutii). I had 1600 men (large units), and they had 198 - a general, 2 units of hastati, some equites, half a unit of velites.

    I killed 198 men (all), but I lost 500 (exactly) of my own. I fought this battle very poorly, losing a faction leader while I was at it.

  23. #23
    Chief Biscuit Monitor Member professorspatula's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    I've mentioned my biggest defeat so many times, but here it is its briefest incarnation yet.

    4 x 2500 strong German Armies sieging a Scipii stone wall settlement defended by around 1,500 - many are part-time militia.

    Seems impossible to lose on those numbers.

    Wrong: my 3 AI controlled reinforcements suicide themselves outside the walls and my army is smashed to pieces, although I took the city square, victory was snatched as a few town militia men returned to the square, resetting the timer so I ran out of time. Nearly 8,000 dead Germans: FOR NOTHING. Campaign abandoned due to frustration, not returned to it since.
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  24. #24
    Cynic Senior Member sapi's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Full greek army of armoured hopelites sieging one of the gauls last cities....i attacked, breached the gate, but was held in place by normal gallic troops.

    Then the cavalry came in, charged, and i lost every man to rout/fight to death as they scrambled out the gate.

    I was so surprised that i lost, outnumbering them about 3:1 (i had won the game by then).

    The next turn i sieged with 2 full stacks and the gauls weren't a problem again :)
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  25. #25

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Vannila RTW, Julii.
    Faced fullstack of Briton army on northern gaul.
    I also had a full stack of balanced army, Hastatis, Principess, Triaiis.
    British Chariots flanked my army while their infatnry engaged my infantry, and my army was slaughtered along with the general.

    Vannila RTW, Brutii
    Landed fullstack army on asia minor, to siege 1 of the last greek citys.
    Ambushed by 2 fullstack army and decimated.
    Faction leader was killed.

  26. #26
    Dragon Knight Member Betito's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    The place was the nile delta.

    I, Carthago, have finally managed to train and send 3 units of poeni infantry and 2 units of my Brand new sacred band, the very first i had on this campaign. As you may imagine, i was truly waiting for the chance to use them ASAP, so i decide to merge them with my main invasion army(about 15 units, including some lybian spearmen, long shield cavalry, a unit of balearic slingers, some other missiles..). all of them had been hardened in battle, so they had about 4 valour each.

    This new army was sent to siege alexandria. If it fell, it would have been the beggining of the end for the until then strongest nation, Egypt. But the pharaoh had something to say about it. They sent about 2k men (well, i dont really remember the number, but it was on large and it was about a stack and a half full with deser axemen, bowmen and LOTS of chariot archers). My army was a full stack, and it had the vey elite of my soldiers... sadly i cant say the same about the general, who was only 3 star.

    Previously in that campaign, i had beaten the egyptian and kicked them out of lepcis magna, cyrene and siwa. So i had the confidence that i could easily beat them, as it had happened in the past.

    Perhaps i entered the battle overconfident, since i really didnt do very much effort in the formation(if any at all), and just waited for them to come, knowing, in my foolishness( ), that my phalanxes would kill all of their army...

    ( )What followed was a massacre( ). I got surrounded by Egypt(they had about 12+ units of chariot archers, so it wasnt all that hard for them) and just kept shooting... I managed to kill a couple of units, but it costed me my entire cavalry, except for my general. So i try to reform my infantry to a better defensive formation, but my timing couldnt have been worse( ), since it looked like they were expecting me to move my lines to launch their attack. All the remaining units of chariots (10+) plus the infantry collapsed at my line, brutally anyhilating my dearest treasures, which were my new phalanxes... basicaly they beat me the way i used to beat them, i lost about 85% of the army, general included, and the lost about 20% of their army.

    That was my only invasion army in egypt, and the reason i find this to be the most embarrasing defeat is because can't really say i was outnumbered, or outpowered, in fact, i had beaten similar armies with lesser troops(remember that i kicked them away with lybian spearmen as my strongest infantry)... In thew following turns, they reconquered Siwa, marched towards cyrene and actually laid siege on t. But i had learned my lesson, and i had a new army waiting for them. This time, i had elephants covering my flanks, a secondary army protecting the back of the main army, and never underestimated the power of the chariots again.

    Still, i defeated egypt, but it took me about 20 more turns...

    It was just a very bad combination of tactical mistakes and timing...
    Have i mentioned i was embarrased?
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  27. #27

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Mine would be my Scipii army vs Carthage. I headed my two stack army to Lepcis Magna to take it from the Carthaginians. I have already scouted the city and knew what was there, even noted they had elephants.

    In my army I had pig units to counteract it. I set my reinforcements to "drip method" and I faced two Carthaginian armies, one in front and one in the back. I faced the one with the elephants. As they approached, I moved my pigs in front of the battle to take care of the elephants on the left flank. The pigs lit up but their cavalry rode over the pigs and the elephants continued to flank me on the left and then literally side-swiped my whole battleline. The 2nd army then arrived while all my units were being routed. My reinforcements came in one at a time as my first army units got annihilated one at a time.

    Here's my reinforcment Triarii finding themselves in front of charging elephants.

  28. #28

    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    Hello, all.

    My most embarrassing smackdown was when I (Selucids, H/H, large) tried to take Byzalora from the rebels after I wiped out the Macedonian royal line. I had a decent army, consisting of about four levy pikemen, some militia cavalry, a unit of Creten archers, an assortment of skirmishers (mostly mercs) and some thracen and basternae mercs, most under half strength. They are led by Zeuxis the Mighty, an eight or nine star general.

    The rebels had two "rebel generals" without family members and three peltasts. There might have been a unit of militia hoplites at the town square as well.

    My spy opens the gates, but all three enemy peltasts are on the walls above the gates, waiting for me. Alright, I say, patience is the key. And Cretens. They empty their quivers into the peltasts. Now one is down to about fifty men and the other two are around twenty to thirty. Next, I run in my largest unit of thracens to quickly seize the gates. Nearly all are dead from the hail of javelins and they are quickly set upon by the rebel cav. They die. Eventually I had sent in all my mercs and skirmishers. The results? Their cav is down to about ten men, and only one of my peltasts had gotten onto the wall. In desperation, I send in one of my pike units. Only about twenty of them die from the javelins, they quickly rout the cav, and reach the top of the wall. Killing the peltasts costs me another eighty men. Of course, with the gate taken and most of the rebels dead anyway, the rest was easy. Still, I consider this to be the worst *ss-beating the AI has ever given me. My second best army had taken about 50% casualties against a vastly inferior force.

  29. #29
    Member Member PyrrhusofEpirus's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    The worst smackdown I ever had in R:TW was when I was playing as carthagenians and I was besieging an egyptian city, I think Shiwa, and the enemy was outnumbered 2:5. I have a twelve stack army of well rounded early carthaginians (skirmishers, slingers, militias, iberian infantry, round shield cavarly even 1 merc eles). The egyptians was defending a stone wall with few peasants, desert infantry and slingers and 1 skirmisher unit.

    I sapped the wall and charged my half army with eles in front and was waiting to win an easy victory. The skirmishers managed to rout my merc eles and as eles was running amok killed many of my soldiers who was following in city's narrow roads. Meanwhile the slingers volleyed my men and managed to rout many of them!

    I charged my rest of the army and hunted out the enemy skirmishers and slingers with my cavarly and sended the iberian infantry to take the plaza.

    My cavarly was slowly decimated by slingers and finally routed while it was fighting with desert infantry!

    I had already lost 3/4 of my army but I was holding the Siwa's plaza with my remaining 3 iberian infantry units. The egyptians charged at me the remains of their desert infantry, but I was easily wiped them out.
    finally the enemy with 2 slingers units managed to scare my iberians and make them rout!

    Result: I killed about 550 of them and lost 800+
    Ούτε γαρ άρχειν Ούτε άρχεσθαι εθέλω

  30. #30
    Member locked_thread's Avatar
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    Default Re: What is the most embarassing smackdown you ever experienced?

    My 8-star Roman general was recently humiliated by a 3-star Egyptian upstart.

    The Egyptians attacked with a small force of 500, with a much larger reinforcement army arriving immediately behind my lines. I easily swatted aside the 500, then pursued with my cav. This left my Hastati to fend for themselves. They endured multiple chariot charges, and broke several chariot units, even killing the enemy general. Some Hastati broke as well. Then the Libyan phalanxes showed up, and my beat-up troops were fresh out of javelins. I used flanking maneuvers, but those stupid phalanxes wouldn't break even when surrounded on all sides, and with no general to lead them. The Egyptians threw in their chariot reserves. My Hastati started melting away. Now my winded cav arrived, charging the rear of the phalanxes. As if on queue, my remaining Hastati broke from battle, abandoning my cav to be slaughtered.

    Shocked, I withdrew my general from battle. Back on the strategy map, he fled a year's march in a split second.

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