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  1. #1
    Member Senior Member Proletariat's Avatar
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    Default Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    The always humorous, tongue-in-cheek look at how today's press would report on the D-Day Invasion.

    NORMANDY, FRANCE (June 6, 1944) Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more were wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated, and that reaction against the American invasion was running high. "We are dying for no reason, "said a Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."

    The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops, tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. "This is just another example of how the military destroys the environment without a second thought," said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate greed."

    Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded, said the invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows that President Roosevelt has ties to 'big beer'," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will control the world market and make a fortune."

    Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret weapon -- a so-called "atomic bomb". Such a weapon could produce casualties on a scale never seen before, and cause environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany. Shortly after the invasion began, reports surfaced that German prisoners had been abused by American soldiers. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at their so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored, but so far this remains unproven.

    Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion, and French officials are concerned that the uncollected corpses will pose a public-health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in advance," they said. "It's their mess, and we don't intend to help clean it up."

    Boortz

  2. #2
    Member Member Alexander the Pretty Good's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day


  3. #3
    Very Senior Member Gawain of Orkeny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Good old Neal
    Fighting for Truth , Justice and the American way

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    Shadow Senior Member Kagemusha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Maybe juuuuust a little bit sarcastic.
    Ja Mata Tosainu Sama.

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    Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder Member Steppe Merc's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus threatening the species with extinction.
    Do crabs have spine? I thought they just had exoskelotons...

    "But if you should fall you fall alone,
    If you should stand then who's to guide you?
    If I knew the way I would take you home."
    Grateful Dead, "Ripple"

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    Very Senior Member Gawain of Orkeny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Do crabs have spine? I thought they just had exoskelotons..
    You see how tricky the english languge is. He said that the crabs were spineless. The fact that their French is irellevant. He could just as easily said a spineless American crab but it wouldnt be as funny
    Fighting for Truth , Justice and the American way

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    Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder Member Steppe Merc's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Yeah, but do crabs have spine in the first place? I thought they didn't have interior bones...
    But yeah, I know it was a joke about French.

    "But if you should fall you fall alone,
    If you should stand then who's to guide you?
    If I knew the way I would take you home."
    Grateful Dead, "Ripple"

  8. #8
    Conspicuously Inconspicuous Member makkyo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany.
    A whole two weekends? That a little bit extreme.
    "And one should bear in mind that there is nothing more difficult to execute, nor more dubious of success, nor more dangerous to administer than to introduce a new order to things; for he who introduces it has all those who profit from the old order as his enemies; and he has only lukewarm allies in all those who might profit from the new. This lukewarmness partly stems from fear of their adversaries, who have the law on their side, and partly from the skepticism of men, who do not truly believe in new things unless they have personal experience in them."
    ~ Niccolo Machiavelli

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    Mediæval Auctoriso Member Member TheSilverKnight's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Quote Originally Posted by makkyo
    A whole two weekends? That a little bit extreme.
    I thought one went over the top, to be honest
    "I'm like the Vikings -- I come here, I steal your women, your booze, your dough, and then I go back home." ~ Wiz
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    Member Member Spetulhu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Three hundred dead civilians? What's that compared to the thousands killed in bombing raids during the buildup to the invasion?
    If you're fighting fair you've made a miscalculation.

  11. #11
    The Black Senior Member Papewaio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Remember Vichy French don't count as they were hardcore collaborators .

    Our genes maybe in the basement but it does not stop us chosing our point of view from the top.
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day


  13. #13
    PapaSmurf Senior Member Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Modern MSM coverage of D-Day

    Vichy France was long gone by D Day... And Normandy was always under direct German control all along. Technically, there were no Vichy French Pape...

    Otherwise, sarcasm is supposed to be funny. witty... That one is kind of poor. Heavy handed. Too transparent. Can't do any better?

    At least, it could be a little more hyperbolic, getting embeded journalist, speaking about Shock and Awe of D Day, and how it wold lead to German collapse in 2 days, how the German Army in Normandy was the 1st in Europe (compared to other German armies in other places), some people talking in 5 min loops, some empty head expert, ads break... Whatever.

    Style over substance?

    It got no style, and susbtance is as witty as a heavy block of concrete.

    Otherwise, glad so many found it funny. Could have been way better though.

    Louis,
    [FF] Louis St Simurgh / The Simurgh



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