The Origins of The Kingdom of Smeg

**Ianofsmeg16** · 07-22-2005, 18:46

The wars of The Migration; Part one

Land Exists Between Rome's Empire and the Far Indus, that land is inhabited by people far different from the Empire. Arabs, Parthians, Armenians, Bactrians and the Bartixians
The Most Prominent of these Was Bartix and Parthia, and they fought furiously to gain control of the middle east. Wars of Stickmen and Horse Archers erupted, with battles that sometimes lasted two or three days and seiges that destroyed whole families and communities the war was the bane of the treasuries of both Empires, yet Parthia was winning and Bartix's Lands were diminishing by the day. Eventually only the original lands of the Isle of Bartix were being held with any force.

Meanwhile over the other side of the world and invasion was taking place......

The Isle of Britain was gone, replaced by a Roman Brittania, The Caledonians and the Hibernians were spared invasion by the feirceness of their warriors and the Irish sea, respectively. Yet a tiny corner of the Free Britons were fighting a ceaseless invasion. The Manx of Ynys Manau.
The urANIANs had invaded two years before, helped by a dispicable No-tailed Cat Alliance and help by not-a-frogs they had taken the whole of the north and were moving to take the key stronghold of the south...Balley Cashtal.

This meant that they would take over the small tribe of Smegheads who lived on Balley Cashtal's outskirts. This was not going to happen, their cheif (Martinus Merseysidus, The Roman-lover), their Gods could not let it happen. Even if it meant denying the old ways of warfare and adopting new, Roman ways.

"it's time to act" said Cheif Merseysidus

Please comment

*please not that this is NOT a difinitive history of Bartix, but of Smeg, any mistakes made concerning the Empire of Bartix are not the fault of the publisher or the writer, just the confusing nature of Bartixian Language

**Copperhaired Berserker!** · 07-23-2005, 00:10

**King of Atlantis** · 07-24-2005, 19:17

Yes it is very hard to translate the bartix language and its only remaining speaker aboskee usually only confuses the translations.

**Ianofsmeg16** · 07-24-2005, 19:34

The Wars Of The Migration; Part Two

The more hot-headed smegheads beleived, with Martinus's words, that there would be much killing of cats and not-a-frogs. The were wrong.
Martinus knew the war was lost, he knew Rome would not help and he knew of only one thing to do. Move. The smegheads traded with a grand country called Bartix, far to the east of even Rome's lands, and the last trading ship had come the The Isle of Man with a plea to all it's tribes for help against the Parthian menace, the ship had gone home with no good answers. But Martinus sat in his hall and wondered.
Would we be able to do it? Yes. Would Rome let us cross their lands? No, but go by boat, we are able sailors. Would Bartix let us have land? Yes, they seemed a friendly but confusing bunch. It was settled, we would move to the lands to the east and settle, away from Rome, cats and not-a-frogs.

The Warlords called it cowardice, the women said it was too hard and the diplomats said it should not be done. But these nay-sayers had not reckoned on Martinus' two major allies. They had not reckoned on the Commander of the Romanized Smeg Legions The lord Ian of Smeg. They had not reckoned on Beserker!

A tall Man walked through the building on the other side of the Smeg's Capital of Ballasalla. he walked fast, marched would be a better word. He also marched in Roman armour. A bronze breastplate gripped his chest, under that was a coat of Roman Chain Mail, his legs were covered at the bottom by Bartixian Golden Greives and at the top by a skirt armoured with good roman gold. In short he was a soldier, born in Daun (doncaster) raised with Romans in rome and taught the ways of war in Hispania his name was Ian, Lord Ian of Smeg Commander in cheif of the Smeg Legions and, to the people, Lord of all who are Smegheads. And he marched with a key.

The Key opened a cage, and in the cage was a man, drunk on war and two year old mead, he wore nothing but bearskins and insisted on carrying a war spear and a sword.

"Go, Kill all who resist you and don't come back until you've brought me their leader." Said Ian in a loud voice. He opened the cage door and the man jumped out violently. Ian tossed him a sack.
"For the head"
And the man ran off, stole a horse, then the world screamed a terrible scream of death. For Beserker was loose...

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