The Atheist

[Ice]

Heres another story its not that funny but its got a moral and we all love those

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt!

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber and I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

[Sigurd]

There are no atheists in a foxhole. There are no gods in a foxhole either.

[Hurin_Rules]

A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Jokes.htm

[Sasaki Kojiro]

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.
He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.
He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"

"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."
"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."
"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus.
"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.





A man dies and finds himself before Peter and the pearly gates.
Peter asks, "what heaven do you want to go to?"
The man says, "what do you mean, there are different heavens?"
Peter says, "Yes of course, we admit people by faith, and we see that you don't have any particular one. How about a tour?"
The man agrees. They walk past the Muslim heaven, where men are reclining by a harem of virgins. They pass the Catholic heaven, where they are playing bingo and drinking Guiness. Then they pass two thick doors and Peter signals for him to be quiet.
After they have passed, the man asks what heaven that was.
Peter says, "oh, that's the fundamentalists. They would be unhappy if they thought anyone else was here."




In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who
had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, each day, for a
long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall
and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he
turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the
Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims .............
I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow
up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a @#$%^& wall."

[discovery1]

Funny site. Not that many actually seems like their really Atheist Jokes though

[Lazul]

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

well when I was younger, I went to church and "went to God"... and my life was a living hell more then, then now.
So, where the logic? when I really wanted to believe in god my life was shit... now, when Im an agnostic and dont give a crap about god or anything like that my life is really improving.

IMHO i think that if god exists I think he likes Atheists and Agnostics better, since we dont bother him so much, whining and complaining to him couse the world is f-ed up.

Atheists- Gods best Children!