I don't think you can really put a lot of these movies together.
Saving Private Ryan just seemed, to me, to be a straight-up depiction of World War 2, albeit rather limited to the Americans. It just follows a single squad of soldiers as they progress through their campaign, and finally get destroyed in a battle they can't possibly win. It is hard for me to watch, but it is a good realistic war movie.
Three Kings isn't really a war movie; it is sort of its own kind of animal. It is somewhat anti-war, but it is also simply a way of viewing both sides of a conflict much like the one we are embroiled in right now. You may leave it feeling that it was pro-war, in that we should have done more, or anti-war in that we should have done less.
Stalingrad (which, by the way, is the single most depressing war movie I have ever seen) is more like Apocalypse Now to me. It starts out in an ordinary war situation, but from there the whole thing gets wierder and wierder, finally ending with the surrender of the Sixth army wothout the viewer even realising this has happened until we see Paulus and his staff amrching away with their hands up. Even then, the soldiers don't seem to relaise what has happened, and they keep trying to break out. Still, it is one of the best war movies I have ever seen.
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