Flying Spaghetti Monster Club

[BDC]

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Let's all discuss the All-Mighty Flying Spaghetti Monster then...

[Tricon]

There are more pirates now than in the 1800's. look at the somali triangle, and the phlipines.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

"His Noodly Appendage"

lmao

There are more pirates now than in the 1800's. look at the somali triangle, and the phlipines.

You have no proof of this. It is just your belief. I know several pirate-experts who say that this is just a theory.

[master of the puppets]

i think it is quiet obvios that the doubtful tricon IS the spagetti monster trying to hide his identity. and beware him for he has the moon people on his side, but we have lovely hats, and they will sheild us from the moon peoples angry gaze.

[Ronin]

a new classic is born

[rasoforos]

When I read this in new scientist i was tempted to post it. Its hillarious and it makes a damn good point about some 'mainstream wannabe' religious nonsence as well


As a sidelines, an economist once posted a paper where he associated world business cycles with the frequency of solar flares. The magic of correlation and hypothesis testing

[Red Harvest]

This one is a pretty good chuckle.

Sad thing is when I was a kid I found Kansas elementary school to be well ahead of Missouri (about 6 months to a year.) And Missouri was ahead of California by about 6 months or a year from what I saw.

[BDC]

When I read this in new scientist i was tempted to post it. Its hillarious and it makes a damn good point about some 'mainstream wannabe' religious nonsence as well

Heh, I got it from there too. It made me smile. If you look on the site you can see the replies from the board. Well those that bothered to reply anyway.

Was going to post this in the frontroom as a joke on the "Christian Club" et al. but decided not too...

[Ser Clegane]

Was going to post this in the frontroom as a joke on the "Christian Club" et al. but decided not too...

Wise decision

[Papewaio]

Was going to post this in the frontroom as a joke on the "Christian Club" et al. but decided not too...

[Sarcasm Max]It depends if they are in a Crusade mode or turn the other cheek mode... in some cases that is a Catholic Priest turning the other cheek of a choir boy but hey lets not judge other cultures...[/Sarcasm Max]

[Tricon]

i think it is quiet obvios that the doubtful tricon IS the spagetti monster trying to hide his identity. and beware him for he has the moon people on his side, but we have lovely hats, and they will sheild us from the moon peoples angry gaze.

Hey, stop stepping on my noodle!

Puppeteers, sheesh.

[Tricon]

[QUOTE=Sasaki Kojiro

You have no proof of this. It is just your belief. I know several pirate-experts who say that this is just a theory.[/QUOTE]

And you are correct to doubt me. I lied.

[Azi Tohak]

Thanks Red Harvest, for a little help anyway.

I went to High School and now am at college in Kansas. I demand to know why I didn't hear about this before!

I could go on, but there is no point.

Very nice article. I'm going to keep it and send it to my far right friends.

Azi

[RabidGibbon]

I think it is very important that we don't lose track of the real issue here. Did He create the Mountains, the Forests and the Midgets or did he merely put into action the processes that led to the creation of Mountains, Forests and Midgets?

Or did He create the Mountains, Forests and Midgets and make it look as if they had been created by processes that had never happened?

Of course such trivial questions as these fade into insignificance when one asks did the midget spring into existence fully formed and dressed as a pirate, or did the midget dress itself as a pirate when it realised it was His will?

[Goofball]

Wow. I hadn't really been paying attention to this thread because I had no idea what it was about, but now that I've read it I love it.

As silly as the example used is, it paints a very clear portrait about why intelligent design/Creationism doesn't belong in school (other than in elective religion classes).

I notice that the "we should teach Creation alongside evolution in school because it is just as scientifically valid" crowd has been conspicuously absent from the discussion...

*listens to sound of crickets*

[Del Arroyo]

Yeah, this is a really good one. People should stop trying to put their foot into science; if they want to change something they should respect the norms and processes that have made the scientific perspective what it is.

For the Bible types-- "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's..." Some of the best damned advice ever.

DA

[Alexander the Pretty Good]

Yeah, this is a really good one. People should stop trying to put their foot into science; if they want to change something they should respect the norms and processes that have made the scientific perspective what it is.

If I shouldn't try to "put my foot into science", does that mean I can't become a scientist?

[PanzerJaeger]

I notice that the "we should teach Creation alongside evolution in school because it is just as scientifically valid" crowd has been conspicuously absent from the discussion...

Thats because such a discussion merits no serious response.

Oh and...

[Sarcasm Max]It depends if they are in a Crusade mode or turn the other cheek mode... in some cases that is a Catholic Priest turning the other cheek of a choir boy but hey lets not judge other cultures...[/Sarcasm Max]

[Azi Tohak]

[Sarcasm Max]It depends if they are in a Crusade mode or turn the other cheek mode... in some cases that is a Catholic Priest turning the other cheek of a choir boy but hey lets not judge other cultures...[/Sarcasm Max]

That's not very nice for a moderator to say

Azi

[Goofball]

I notice that the "we should teach Creation alongside evolution in school because it is just as scientifically valid" crowd has been conspicuously absent from the discussion...

Thats because such a discussion merits no serious response.

But you just did respond.



So, why do you think the discussion is without merit?

BTW, this is my favorite part of the letter:

I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

That's pure gold...

[Del Arroyo]

Alex the PG-- of course not. It means that if you want to become a scientist, you should at least first learn what science MEANS. There is no possible experiment that could ever disprove the existence of a God. If there is no disprovable hypothesis, there is no science.

This of course does not mean that God does not exist.

DA

[edyzmedieval]

[Sarcasm Max]It depends if they are in a Crusade mode or turn the other cheek mode... in some cases that is a Catholic Priest turning the other cheek of a choir boy but hey lets not judge other cultures...[/Sarcasm Max]

Pape,

The baby is wearing you out. You should get more sleep.
And BTW, not a very good thing to say, especially from a mod.

Also, strange thread

[Papewaio]

Also there is two main types of Christians that I was referring to (there is many, many more of course). Some are extremely tolerant and amazing examples of Christs grace. Others are at the opposite end and I assume feel since they know god and that they have access to some special knowledge that they hence cannot be wrong, go about being jackasses for the rest of the faith.

And also would you dispute that absolutely no priests have ever been found to be playing hide the sausage with male minors? If you can disprove this then I will apologise for that comment.

[edyzmedieval]

And also would you dispute that absolutely no priests have ever been found to be playing hide the sausage with male minors? If you can disprove this then I will apologise for that comment.

You have a point here......
Now I get it....

[Ja'chyra]

Sounds as credible as some theories, sign me up.

[Petrus]

This letter is great, except for the lack of olive oil which will make necessary to equaly share learning time between Intelligent Design, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence AND Flying Spaghetti Monsterism With Olive Oil.

[Duke of Gloucester]

And also would you dispute that absolutely no priests have ever been found to be playing hide the sausage with male minors? If you can disprove this then I will apologise for that comment.

Will you apologise if I remind you that leaders of other religions and secular leaders have been known to do this too?

[Don Corleone]

And also would you dispute that absolutely no priests have ever been found to be playing hide the sausage with male minors? If you can disprove this then I will apologise for that comment.

Of course, Papewaio. Thank goodness we have you around to enlighten us. Silly us, we thought child molesters were scattered among all walks of life, and thanks to you, we now know, it's Catholic priests that do it. Everyone else: schoolteachers, psychologists, nurses, doctors... anybody that's a secularist could not possibly be responsible. Just religious leaders, and most especially Catholic priests. Glad we got that straight. We are so lucky to have you around when you offer us these insights, big guy.

[rasoforos]

Please respect this sacred thread dedicated to the omnipotence and wisdom of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, may His holy blessing be upon all of us.

If patrons really feel the urge to discuss the sexual orientation of the priests of other deities then please do so in a separate 'why dont priests like women?' thread.

Do not spoil His holy thread lest He comes to you and smites you down, for our great Flyging Spaghetti Master is quick to anger and His holy wrath is inescapable and just.

[Don Corleone]

Bite me, spaghetti boy!

Anyone with half a brain long ago recognized that spaghetti doesn't exist. The mere fact that you allow for the existence of spaghetti means that you're a stupid sheep, following a flock and nothing you say on any topic can every be taken seriously again, as your spaghetti beliefs ruin any intelligent thought you might ever have. I've found that people that believe in spaghetti are stupid, violent, they're inbred, they smell bad, they're hateful, they're greedy, they're hypocrites and they're intolerant. We non-spaghetti believers however are intelligent, courageous, kind, caring, compassionate, we don't actually do anything except bitch about spaghetti but we are open to all viewpoints. It's just that spaghetti is a very, very stupid viewpoint and cannot be tolerated. I'm not even sure politicians or teachers or anybody else should be able to mention spaghetti, and we are in the process of forcing people to quit referring to 'Spaghetti Day', which should be replaced by 'All Macaroni Is Just Pasta And None Of It Holds Any Truth Day'.

Ha! Thanks Ras! I was waiting for a good post for #3000!