Paladins of the Royal Castle

[edyzmedieval]

Chapter I of my new story. Composed 2 chapters while I was in the camp.
Hope you enjoy it!

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Clouds of myst surruond the country side near Swords Valley, the valley where the legendary Paladins of the Royal Castle once lived. The valley is famous for a stone, which on it, it's carved in Viking runes: "Paladin". Archaeologists traced the inscription back in the 14th century, in times of warfare, castles, tournirs and legends......

Under a willow, staring at the blue sky, stands a young man. Although he is still a squire, his powerful arms and legs coupled with his tall stature makes him a perfect knight. Brown hair, blue eyes, proeminent cheeks and a normal mouth complete his physical portrait.

"-Henry! shouted an old man with a great beard.
Milady wants the meal to be served. Come on! You're still a squire, don't forget. Just a little bit more time and you will finally achieve your purpose."
"-Yes, my lord"

Marching slowly to the castle, Henry examines once more the magnificent defences of the Royal Castle. Hoardings, barbicans, battlements and many other defence lines makes the castle very difficult, if not impossible, to conquer. On top of the defences, archers with longbows and arbalests, scouting the sight for potential enemies and allies.
Inside the castle, it's like a small city. Houses, smiths, bowyers, workshops, markets..... The centres of the castle are the Grand Market, the centre of popular life, and the fortified citadel, the military centre which is on top of the cliff. The Grand Market is always full of busy people buying and selling tradable ggoods. Merhcants come from every corner of the world, to take part in the daily fai. The variety of goods is overwhelming. Spices, gems, silk, cotton, incense, grain....
Henry passes the Grand Market, marching slowly behind his mentor, sir Dedalus, up to the citadel, where he is expected.....

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Hope you enjoyed it! Chapter II will follow soon, if people respond well to my new story. The other 2 stories will be continued, especially the Fall of Constantinople, which is my main story. The Teutonic Knights will be finished soon.

[edyzmedieval]

Anyone?!

[Ludens]

Is there text missing at the end? Because it strikes me as odd that you would consider 5 paragraphs a chapter. Not to mention that little more happens than that a squire is ordered to bring a meal.

The description is nice, but there is very little else. Why is the main character here? What is his quest? And why didn't you use the spellchecker?

You need to expand on this before the people get interested.

[scozzy99]

I agree with ludens. it is a bit short.... i do enjoy your writing though and i have followed your previous work... fall of constantinople and teutonic knights, but i haven't heard from them recently. what happened

[Alexanderofmacedon]

It's probably going to be a long book. So, this is the fanfiction section I presume?