Diary of a diplomat, the full series (re-edit)

**The Stranger** · 09-04-2005, 09:12

Akha belongs everywhere and nowhere

One swallow does not make a summer.
Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics
No but it makes a hell of a night!
RebelScum

hilarious

**rebelscum** · 09-06-2005, 23:28

253 BC The Roman Senate, Rome, chambers of Vibus Julius, Pontifex Maximus

Akha: *bowing low* Your Majestic Holiness, I come with a peace offering from great Pharaoh. It is time to end the bloodshed between our two great nations.
VJ: *regally flicks robe over shoulder* Philopater, your eloquent tongue does your master justice, however. One moment ...
*a clerk approaches and passes the Senator a scroll which he reads quickly, rolls up and seals it with wax, stamping it with the insignia of office on his signet-ring.* Pass this to the Consul's diplomat, to be delivered to my army. *He turns back to Akha*
.. however, Pharaoh has left it a little late with this offer just as our armies stand ready to take your capital.
Akha: Indeed sire. Pharaoh understands, and has sent with me a coffer of gold to secure this peace treaty. It totals 30,000 denarii.
VJ: *muses* A very tempting offer indeed, but the glory of Rome has no price. Return to your master and tell him to prepare for battle, that is my final desicion.
Akha: *bows low* May I approach your honour?
*Kneels in front of throne and leans forward to kiss the hand of the senator*
VJ: *pleased* I am glad to see that some of you Egyptians are humble enough to recognize the might of the Roman Empire.
~ A week later ~
The tent of General Secundus Classus, legionary encampment, a few miles west of the Egyptian capital Memphis
SC: *addressing captains* Men, as you know, the final hour approaches and I can sense the Egyptians are afraid. Your legionaries are honed to a fine point and eager for battle. *Paces the floor* Now all I need is the go ahead from Rome and the city is ours.
Gauis Maxentius (Roman Diplomat): *enters the tent and bows* Sire, I bring a message from the senate.
SC: Aha, this is it, *takes the scroll* now those Egyptain dogs shall learn not to dispute the might of Rome.
GM: Sire I suggest you read the order ..
SC: I assume they have some suggestions upon strategy .. *cuts the seal on scroll and reads it aloud*.
... You are to proceed to Scythia to hold back the hordes approaching from the North East. Leave at once and do not delay, this is of upmost importance.
Vibus Julius Pontifex Maximus ...
*looks at scroll in disbelief*
May Jupiter take them, the Senate have gone mad! We had the Egyptians where we want them, now they want us to pack up and set sail, during the stormy season to boot, to fight the Barbarians in the North, who the last time I heard were allies of Rome. Gauis, from whom did you receive this order!
GM: Sire, it was passed to me by the hand of the Consul himself. The order is correct, it has the seal of the Pontifex Maximus upon it.
VJ: *Examines scroll again* Well their stupidity astounds me. Albeit, orders are orders. *to captains* Well men, strike camp, it looks like the battles off.
*mumbles of disappointment*
~ a day later ~ A hill overlooking the sea. Two figures watch the the Romans boarding ships
Akha: Well there they go, and good riddance!
Cocolitanus the Icini (Brittanian Thespian): Haha, and for a second there I was afraid your plan wasn't going to work old bean.
Akha: Well Coco, or should I say Gauis Maxentius, I must say you are the best Roman impersonator money can buy.
Coco: *thespian bow* I am honoured to work with a fellow artist of your calibre. The fake orders were a master stroke, how did you make them so authentic?
Akha: *Tosses senators signet-ring in air and catches it* Well you might say I have friends in high places.