Your favourite traditional turkey recipe?

[English assassin]

I'll try to post some tips if I get time. (for turkey, not sucker. I've only ever cooked sucker when drunk).

First and most importantly, for god sake buy a good free range bird. As turkey is not a big thing over there I guess the Netherlands is not overrun with revolting mass produced factory farmed birds anyway, but the only approach that works for such abominations is "remove wrapping, feed to dog". Seriously. If they taste of anything it is, vaguely, of fish.

Your main battle with turkey is to stop the breast drying while giving the bird long enough to cook the legs through. Two short tips: cook the bird upside down, then the fat from the back runs down to the breast helping keep it moist (of course this is, from the bird's point of view, the right way up, but by now it is past caring about such niceties). Also, most turkey receipes you see ask you to cook the bird for far too long. I'm no keener on food poisoning than the next man but you don't need to incinerate the thing.

Coming soon, Assassin observations on stuffing, gravy, beer, including brussel sprouts done nicely, and other good things, and probably some helpful links to cooking instructions from reputable turkey farmers just to back up my advice re cooking times. I shan't trouble you with my red cabbage, apple and chestnuts in wine, since I had it from my Dutch mother in law and I'm pretty confident it would be coals to newcastle.

With all this said though, I'm having goose this year.

[Adrian II]

Coming soon, Assassin observations on stuffing, gravy, beer, including brussel sprouts done nicely, and other good things (..)

Thank you, English Assassin! Finally I am getting somewhere.

I shall pass down your strict requirements with regard to the bird's personal history, ranging habits and funereal wrapping to my poulterer. The turkey will be roasted upside up, consider it done.

Please keep those tips coming!

Can I mix the brussels sprouts with freshly roasted chestnuts? Or should the chestnuts be part fo the stuffing? Or should I save them for the red cabbage, apple and white wine because that is an indispensable accoutrement?

Strike for the South, I looked into the fried Sucker option. According to authoritative sources below the Mason-Dixon line, it requires an outdoor propane burner, 5 gallons of vegetable oil, a giant meat thermometer and other quasi-veterinarian appliances which I have some difficulty associating with Christmas. I promise to give it a try this summer, only with turkey breast, a 1 gallon frying pot and a woodfire in my backyard. Needless to say, that Sucker will go down with taters 'n cranberry sauce.

[InsaneApache]

Yes you must make sure that the breast does not dry out. If it does, expect to drink a bottle of wine just to flush the obscene material down. Do as EA says and cook on its breast, or make sure the breast is basted frequentley.

Now to the veg.

Roast potatos are a must.

Brussel sprouts also go well. (please don't boil 'em though steam please)

Carrots

Brocolli(again steamed)

and a nice selection of mustards and cranberry sauce. ( to kill the flavour of this foul bird)

I don't eat this creature myself. I think it is disgusting, but hey, knock yourself out....

[Ja'chyra]

I was going to say cook it upside down but EA beat me to it

I have seen it cooked wrapped in strips of bacon for added flavour, but I am unsure of the specifics, sorry, not much help I know.

The other tip is to save the stock for the gravy, but I'm sure you knew this anyway.

Edit: I usually just but the crown, which is only the breast of the bird, most butchers do it.

[English assassin]

Can I mix the brussels sprouts with freshly roasted chestnuts? Or should the chestnuts be part fo the stuffing? Or should I save them for the red cabbage, apple and white wine because that is an indispensable accoutrement?

Aha, we are on the same wavelength here, since avoiding chestnut overload (aka delicious little suckers, for the benefit of Texans) is quite a challenge. Especially after the chef has got outside some beer and is, rightly, of the opinion that few things are not improved by the addition of chestnuts.

My advice is that chestnuts are most essential in the red cabbage, apple, wine clovey thing. They are highly desirable in a stuffing too. That means that chestnuts in brussel sprouts is probably just too many of the little suckers, even for me, and I use toasted pine kernels instead (just warm them on a dry frying pan until they get some brown bits).

You could try cobb nuts, which I especially like as they come from Kent, like me. They are sweet, and only slightly nutty (yes yes, very funny). (Unfortunately (or not) they are very seasonal, and as I like them so much no matter how many I buy in early autumn they are always eaten long before christmas. But in principle I think they would work well, if you can get them in Holland, and not eat them.

While we are on the brussel sprouts I might as well explain the rest, its easy. Trim sprouts. Boil for a minute or two, not very long, they should be just softening. Refresh immediately in cold water. Quarter them top to bottom. At this point you could store them in the fridge overnight if you are getting prepared early. Take lardons (bacon, ham, I guess, anything pig derived really). fry til nice and crispy. Keep lardons, dispose of fat that has come out of them. Again these could then be kept overnight. Then making the dish is simplicity itself, heat butter in pan, add sprouts, fry til little bits are just starting to blacken but the rest is still a nice bright green colour, add lardons, add pine nuts, ensure they are warmed through, and serve (don't prepare in advance and keep warm, the sprouts go soggy)

The key thing in avoiding sprouts from hell is cooking them by frying, not boiling. You do need to blanche them though otherwise they can be a bit bitter.

I don't do quantities really, I'd say go with what looks right to you, in terms of weights its probably 6 of sprouts to 2 of lardons and 1 of nuts but I warn you I have never weighed it all out in my life.

Edit: Are you doing a traditional British or an American christmas? Because if its British, don't forget to tune in to the Queen's speech at 3 pm and watch a bad Bond movie after, also be sure to fall out with your family, generally over some close relation who your wife has never liked, and stamp off down the pub in a foul mood, only to find it packed to the rafters with similarly bad tempted husbands.

[Adrian II]

Aha, we are on the same wavelength here, since avoiding chestnut overload (aka delicious little suckers, for the benefit of Texans) is quite a challenge.

Exactly, the texture, bouquet and taste of well-roasted chestnuts is hard to overrate. I will probably try to avoid an overload by developing various alternatives and forcing myself to choose between them well in advance of the moment of cooking, by which time I will have downed three or four shots of Irish Dew and my world will have narrowed, like yours, to a roast chestnut universe.

1.
I can consign the chestnuts solely to the brussels sprouts since children tend to abhor both and this means the sprouts will be an adult-exclusive dish anyway. Since the cabbage/apple/whine thingamy wouldn' t be the same without them, I could replace that with pears stewed in a mixture of red port and claret with cinnamon, lemon juice, chopped lemon peel and brown sugar. I realise I would do so at the risk of alienating you for an indefinite period, English Assassin, in view of your obvious predilection for the cabbage dish. I am not treading lightly, I assure you, because your help is invaluable.

2.
I can make separate dishes of sprouts and lardon à l’Assassin Anglais and sprouts with chestnuts, as well as preserve my standing with you by scrapping the pears altogether and preparing the cabbage/apple/whine dish (which seems to smell better in my mind's nose every time you or I mention it).

This leaves two issues largely unresolved: the taters and the cranberry sauce. Both appear indispensable to the Anglosaxon turkey/Sucker experience, so I would be much obliged by suggestions as to their preparation and presentation.

Roast or cooked taters I can manage, I would think, but sauces are always a matter of great delicacy.

It wouldn't do to just crush the buggers and whip them in a saucepan with water and sugar, would it? That would probably be an insult similar to burning the Union Jack or the Stars and Stripes.

[English assassin]

Hmm, maybe we need an american at this juncture, since they are really the cranberry experts. I don't really bother, relying on a fairly standard gravy (you know, fry an onion, bung in a bottle of OK white wine, some tarragon, some lemon juice, season, good stock if you have it (roast a chicken the week before and boil the bones, or just bung the turkey gibblets in the wine as it reduces) reduce by half, drain off the liquid and use to deglaze the roasting tray)

Roast potatoes: use goose fat.

We haven't done stuffing. Personally, I think the main cavity is best stuffed with whatever citrus fruits come to hand and then forgotten about. My mum would stuff the neck with forcemeat, eg something like sausagemeat (ie minced pork), shallots, apricots, sage, all with an egg or two to bind.

That pear thing sounded good.

This http://www.goodmansgeese.co.uk/index.html is where my goose is coming from, yum, and they also have some good receipes and cooking times. Ignore the comment about cooking turkeys breast side up, they are only talking about real monsters there.

I've also had turkeys from these people http://www.kelly-turkeys.com/Pages/recipestips.html who have more cooking guidance.

That's it, I'm starving, where's my lunch.

[Adrian II]

Hmm, maybe we need an American at this juncture, since they are really the cranberry experts.

The House is theirs.

Roast potatoes: use goose fat.

Yes Sir!

We haven't done stuffing. Personally, I think the main cavity is best stuffed with whatever citrus fruits come to hand and then forgotten about. My mum would stuff the neck with forcemeat, eg something like sausagemeat (ie minced pork), shallots, apricots, sage, all with an egg or two to bind.

All valuable suggestions, but the fruit seems most attractive to me. I did not mention the pears as a coincidence...

I've also had turkeys from these people http://www.kelly-turkeys.com/Pages/recipestips.html who have more cooking guidance.

They have expanded into The Netherlands, hurrah! I found their site. They reserve ten days for a bird's cooling and hardening after slaughter, which is the classic timespan for cooling and hardening poultry, hare etcetera. A good omen.

Thanks again, English Assassin!

Enjoy your lunch.

[English assassin]

[Kelly's Turkeys] have expanded into The Netherlands, hurrah!

My work here is done, citizens...

[Geoffrey S]

A turkey bought in Holland always seems to be smaller than what you'd get in England. They don't seem so popular over here, most Dutchmen I know dislike the taste, finding it too dry. Are you going for some kind of gravy? Anyway, best of luck with this venture, I can't imagine a Christmas without a Turkey!

Oh, and don't forget to use the excess turkey for sandwiches after Christmas. Delicious.

Because if its British, don't forget to tune in to the Queen's speech at 3 pm and watch a bad Bond movie after...

No The Great Escape? Again?

[Taffy_is_a_Taff]

and boil up the carcass to make the basis for a huge pot of turkey soup.
Should see you through 'til the new year.

[Adrian II]

No The Great Escape? Again?

I believe The Third Man is up this year, next year it is The Italian Job, and then, maybe then we can envisage The Great Escape again...

[English assassin]

I believe The Third Man is up this year, next year it is The Italian Job, and then, maybe then we can envisage The Great Escape again...

You forgot Zulu.

[Adrian II]

You forgot Zulu.

Did I mention Zulu?

[Geoffrey S]

I believe The Third Man is up this year, next year it is The Italian Job, and then, maybe then we can envisage The Great Escape again...

Oh. Looks like I'll have to search through the DVDs then...

[Strike For The South]

Strike for the South, I looked into the fried Sucker option. According to authoritative sources below the Mason-Dixon line, it requires an outdoor propane burner, 5 gallons of vegetable oil, a giant meat thermometer and other quasi-veterinarian appliances which I have some difficulty associating with Christmas. I promise to give it a try this summer, only with turkey breast, a 1 gallon frying pot and a woodfire in my backyard. Needless to say, that Sucker will go down with taters 'n cranberry sauce.

I know it takes work but its amazing

[Fragony]

I know it takes work but its amazing