Why I hate the Liberal Democrats

[English assassin]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4349088.stm

Every Olympic city stamps its own identity on the opening ceremony, displaying its culture to an audience of billions.

The Barcelona games got under way to the site of massed flamenco dancers, while Athens had running Greek statues and gyrating "goddesses" holding snakes.

A Liberal Democrat peer is calling for London to follow suit in 2012 with the nearest English equivalent: Morris dancing.

Groups of people jumping around with sticks or handkerchiefs in hand are laughable to some, but Lord Redesdale thinks they could be a great advert for UK tourism

Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals , the French think we are all two faced cheats , and the whole world thinks our food is inedible, no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies

[Seamus Fermanagh]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4349088.stm



Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals , the French think we are all two faced cheats , and the whole world thinks our food is inedible, no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies

Well, I have never thought of the English as yellow-toothed.

Moreover, having contributed Bass Ale, the Gin & Tonic, and James Bond to world culture you folks are not without SOME redeeming value.

Sorry 'bout the food thing.

[The_Doctor]

It sounds bad.

I don't think it is LibDem policy.

And he is a Lord.

[English assassin]

Moreover, having contributed Bass Ale, the Gin & Tonic, and James Bond to world culture you folks are not without SOME redeeming value.

You forgot football. Oh wait, you are American. Fair enough, bass, G and T and 007 it is.

[BDC]

Sounds good. Everyone thinks we're weird and eccentric, so could pay off.

If not, the Morris dancers can beat everyone up until they are paid to go away. Ah tradition.

[Viking]

Well, I have never thought of the English as yellow-toothed.

But as homosexuals you have?

[Duke Malcolm]

Maybe we'll get some (female) highland dancers in short skirts like at the Tattoo...

Perhaps we will get some nice military parades from the Household Division...

[Devastatin Dave]

LOL, the Brits are starting to make the French look masculine.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

But as homosexuals you have?

Well, I didn't precisely SAY that.......

EA:

Wide of the mark with your dig at US Football. I'll take in a game now and again, but for me the sport to watch is baseball. And I'll stand you folks a round of thanks for rounders and cricket -- gave us some decent raw materials to develop a truly challenging game.

But speaking of US football, wouldn't this Morris Dancing thing feature a batch of middle-aged blokes cavorting around sort of like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Wasn't the Full Monty enough?

[Alexanderofmacedon]

Hey man, I never think anything bad about the English. I have many friends who live there. I don't think this is anything to get worked up about. I mean, America is facing issues about other countries looking down upon us way more. We're completely hated almost...

[Weebeast]

You forgot football. Oh wait, you are American. Fair enough, bass, G and T and 007 it is.

Football...soccer...same thing. Plus our chicks are world class.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Wasn't Ian Fleming American?

Oh, and I think The Simpsons got it right on the state of your fairer sex.

Crazed Rabbit

[solypsist]

Ian was a Brit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Fleming

Wasn't Ian Fleming American?

Oh, and I think The Simpsons got it right on the state of your fairer sex.

Crazed Rabbit

[Soulforged]

Sounds good. Everyone thinks we're weird and eccentric, so could pay off.

I not. But I do think that the great majority are tendent to be more "cold hearted" (what we call here "pecho frío"). And maybe "cold blooded" too, if the nick "English Assasin" makes some reference to the idea.

[InsaneApache]

What the heck is Morris Dancing? Couldn't you guys just have some kind of military parade decked out in full old-school British Imperial regalia? That'd be more of an attraction.

There you go...

http://www.morrisdancing.org/

I agree......... oh please God no!!!!

Can't someone get Charles Kennedy drunk (again) and then get him to sack this pillock?

Mind you with us English being ruled by this Scottish hedgemony (Bliar, Brown etc) I can see a situation where no 'Englishness' will be tolerated.

And another thing....it's in London. London is not England, just a tiny portion of it. Still a pearly king or queen Morris dancing, now there's an idea.

[Papewaio]

Maybe we'll get some (female) highland dancers in short skirts like at the Tattoo...

They were female

[English assassin]

But speaking of US football, wouldn't this Morris Dancing thing feature a batch of middle-aged blokes cavorting around sort of like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Wasn't the Full Monty enough

You SEE what's going to happen???? Americans are going to think Morris dancing is what we have instead of cheerleaders. Its NOT a good image.

I think his majesty could be onto something with highland lassies in short tartan skirts myself. Admittedly, not very "London" but then I don't think we really need the world to see a load of overweight single mums in shiny track suits shouting "Bovvered? Me? Look at my face? Do I look bovvered?"

But I do think that the great majority are tendent to be more "cold hearted" (what we call here "pecho frío"). And maybe "cold blooded" too, if the nick "English Assasin" makes some reference to the idea.

A bit "reserved", maybe, rather than pecho frio. Though IMHO its more a weakness for understatment and irony that can make us seem so. At the end of the film "Ridicule" (which is essentially about French wit, and ends with the French revolution) the escaped French aristocrats are walking on cliffs in England, when the wind blows on of their hats off. "My hat, I lost my hat" he shouts. His friend says "Well, at least you've still got your head" the first reflects, "Ah, English humour". You see, that sort of thing is (meant to be) funny, rather than cold hearted.

Incidentally I'm not called assassin because I actually kill people, its a reference to a fictional character I like, Jerry Cornelius. He's not cold blooed either.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

I think his majesty could be onto something with highland lassies in short tartan skirts myself. Admittedly, not very "London" but then I don't think we really need the world to see a load of overweight single mums in shiny track suits shouting "Bovvered? Me? Look at my face? Do I look bovvered?"

LMAO

Incidentally I'm not called assassin because I actually kill people, its a reference to a fictional character I like, Jerry Cornelius. He's not cold blooed either.

Oh well, that shoots your credibility down. Pity.

[yesdachi]

I have got to say that Morris dancing is a horrible idea but on the bright side, no one will remember it after a few months because they will all be back to thinking that you are all a bunch of two faced yellow tooth homos with bad food.

Realistically I would rather see a cool British band play a compilation set or something with that sort of theme. Something positive from “today” would be better than anything that would be considered culturally significant from a small group in the past. Also considering that the Olympics are a competition I would consider the opening ceremony one too, and Morris dancing sure wont beat… well, anything.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Even the Americans think our food is bad? Bloody hell, we need to start a PR campaign.

If we have to have dancers, I'd prefer we just hired some delectable ladies from one of the many Soho gentleman's clubs to prance around.

[Ianofsmeg16]

LOL, the Brits are starting to make the French look masculine.

Please, never, EVER say that to an englishman....not to our faces anyway, you are likely to wind up in a gutter somewhere in Soho

Seriously though, Morris Dancing? why not (as Malcolm said) celebrate our historic tradition by marching the household guards across London, add Brian May playing "Rule Brittania" on guitar mixed with some good ol fashion fireworks and a pinch of everyone waving union jacks.
Recipie for an awesome opening night

[thrashaholic]

I say: "why not?". Surely giving the world a taste of Britain's traditional cultures is a good thing, it'd certainly help to buck the trend of us only celebrating immigrant cultures and not our own...

Red-coat military parades, Morris Dancers, Highland Dancers, Welsh Choirs, Cornish Wrestling, the Queen, plus stacks of stuff from our island's vast and fascinating history and mythology...it would be simply splendid.

[GonZ]

Morris Dancing would certainly prove that we have an excellent sense of humour.

Personally I'd like to see the Elgin Marbles given back to Greece in a surprise grand presentation.

[Adrian II]

Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals , the French think we are all two faced cheats , and the whole world thinks our food is inedible, no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies

Hahahahaha! Poor Brits. Aaahahahahaaaaa!!

[The_Doctor]

it'd certainly help to buck the trend of us only celebrating immigrant cultures and not our own...

This happens becuase of morris dancing.

Jesus was a morris dancer, so the Romans killed him.
The Russia Tsar took it up and the people had to overthrow him or suffer the shame of a morris dancing tsar.
It is why terriorists are after us.
It is why Hilter and Napoleon tried to invade us.
It is why the Americans formed their own country.

Morris dancing is the source of all evil.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

You Brits gave football to the world, right?

So how about this. Start with a staid, stolid, completely "cucumber sandwich" opening ceremonies and then -- about 40 minutes in -- have all of the Manchester United hooligan-style fans break into the stadium and bust up the whole thing. Maybe even have the Morris Dancing but THEN let the MU fans go at 'em.

Make for good TV at least.

[The_Doctor]

Maybe even have the Morris Dancing but THEN let the MU fans go at 'em.

Bad idea, the Morris Dancers will infect the MU fans. Then we end with Morris Dancing MU fans.

[InsaneApache]

add Brian May playing "Rule Brittania"

My dear sir, Master Brian May is a practitioner of onanism,par excellence

[InsaneApache]

well Manchester United and wankers in the same sentence...now your talking.....

I await my pm from Mr. Mod

('twas worth it )

[Ianofsmeg16]

My dear sir, Master Brian May is a practitioner of onanism,par excellence

well Manchester United and [rude word deleted] in the same sentence...now your talking.....

C'mon Spurs!!