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  1. #1
    Standing Up For Rationality Senior Member Ronin's Avatar
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    Wink Tandem Story

    *this is a joke i received in the email....it has some political overtones so i decided to post it in the backroom*

    it reminded me of this board a bit
    It's long but it's totally worth it.

    it contains slight profanity that I **** over.


    ----------------------------------------------

    Teacher: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.

    The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
    his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
    of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
    another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
    paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
    written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
    absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the
    paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

    The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:



    Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

    --------------------------------------------------------------

    STORY:

    (First paragraph by Rebecca)

    At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
    chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
    reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
    liked chamomile.
    But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
    possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
    asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

    ------------------------------------------------------

    (Second paragraph by Gary)

    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
    in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
    neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
    spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he
    said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign
    of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle
    beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
    The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
    cockpit.

    (Rebecca)

    He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one
    last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
    had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
    hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
    Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
    one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
    out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
    and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from
    her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
    "Why must one lose ones innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
    wistfully.

    (Gary)

    Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
    Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
    first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
    pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
    left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
    determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of
    the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
    firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
    swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
    the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
    headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
    inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
    million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
    table.
    "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of
    the sky!"

    (Rebecca)

    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
    partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

    (Gary)

    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
    writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
    tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
    air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

    (Rebecca)

    JERK.

    (Gary)

    B****.

    (Rebecca)

    WANKER.

    (Gary)

    S***.

    (Rebecca)

    Get f*****.

    (Gary)

    Eat s***.

    (Rebecca)

    F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

    (Gary)

    Go drink some tea - b****.

    (Teacher)

    A+ - I really liked this one.

    "If given the choice to be the shepherd or the sheep... be the wolf"
    -Josh Homme
    "That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"
    - Calvin

  2. #2
    Yesdachi swallowed by Jaguar! Member yesdachi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tandem Story

    So what happened to the Anu'udrian mothership?


    Excellent illustration of the differences between boys and girls. My guess is they are both dating now.
    Peace in Europe will never stay, because I play Medieval II Total War every day. ~YesDachi

  3. #3
    Lurker Member Mongoose's Avatar
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    Default Re:

    looks great, we need to try osmething like this, but with more people

  4. #4
    The Black Senior Member Papewaio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tandem Story

    Oldie but a goodie.
    Our genes maybe in the basement but it does not stop us chosing our point of view from the top.
    Quote Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
    Pape for global overlord!!
    Quote Originally Posted by English assassin
    Squid sources report that scientists taste "sort of like chicken"
    Quote Originally Posted by frogbeastegg View Post
    The rest is either as average as advertised or, in the case of the missionary, disappointing.

  5. #5
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tandem Story

    I was enthralled.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  6. #6
    These titles are too shor Member TonkaToys's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tandem Story

    Interesting that you didn't censor the word "wanker", which is probably ruder over here in the UK than "bitch" which you did censor.

    These words reproduced in full to help clarity - however if you are offended by the word "censor", I can will edit my post; just PM me.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Tandem Story

    Thanks for sharing that! Really made my day worthwhile.
    Friendship, Fun & Honour!

    "The Prussian army always attacks."
    -Frederick the Great

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