Sparrow summarily executed

[Adrian II]

Since two days the glorious Dutch nation is up in arms about the death of a sparrow. The story is thusly.

Commercial channel SBS6 is sponsoring a record domino toppling event called 'Domino Day' on November 18th in the Frisian Expo Centre (FEC).

Apart from featuring one brilliant mathematician who figured it all out as well as a female presenter who is eminently snoggable and looks verily phantastique in jazz pants, the whole enterprise seems rather silly. Professionals and volunteers have been fumbling about with 4.321.000 domino stones for months. The result is a huge domino mosaique.

Dominoferrus imbecilis Hollandicus

However, last Monday disaster struck. A sparrow had taken refuge in the dome of the FEC main hall, constituting a clear and present danger for the record attempt.

Passer domesticus Hollandiae

When a two hour chase with conventional means (nets, bird seed) remained fruitless and the sparrow had knocked down 23.000 domino stones, the organisation had recourse to cruder means. A pest control team were summoned, the leader of which soon came to the conclusion that only a shot between the eyes would prevent the sparrow from ruining the entire event.

But sparrows are a protected species in The Netherlands (which gives you an indication of the untold wealth and variety of our fauna in general) and they had to get official permission first. A Dutch shooting champion was called up and the summary death sentence was finally carried out, the remains of the sparrow were disposed of and the matter seemed closed.

But the Animal Protection Society didn't think so. They were enraged that the precious life of a sparrow, a protected animal at that, would be sacrificed on the altar of tv ratings, commercial advertising and the prestige of tv-bosses, some anchormen and one admittedly scrumptious anchorwoman. Websites were soon replete with death threats against the henchman, the pest control firm had to shut down for the week. A marginal Animal Rights group filed a criminal complaint against the organisation, a radio dj has awarded 4000 euro to whoever manages to topple the domino stones prior to next Friday's event, and the tv channel has hired a private security firm to establish a large 'safety cordon' around the facility to protect the event from 'further acts of terrorism'.

Welcome to The Netherlands. Views, anyone?

[master of the puppets]

lol very funny but i have to side with those animal rights people, it was simply a foolish animal who meant no harm, yet it was killed just so one fool or even many may have the satisfaction of pushing over a bunch of blocks. well thats humanity for you. for this great and noble and stupid and frivolous enterprise they would destroy the life of one of the most defensless and fragile of beings, so one may get his momentary satisfaction they would gladly kill one bird, but had it been a mouse? a cat? mabey a rouge dog? these animals would probably have been summerily destroyed also if they had showed up, but disturbingly it shows how fragile and weak the defense laws of these needy creatues is. if they will kill one just for some dominos what else will they do.

k thats my ranting.

[Reverend Joe]

Ooooooooookaaaaaaaay...

*marks the Netherlands off of possible places to move to when the US collapses*

(It was number 1. )

Edit: On second thought, I will probably move there anyway.

[Dutch_guy]

yeah, we have a lot of time on our hands - referring to the domino day ;)

And out most read paper always has these kind of news messages on the front page, so these things get blown out of proportion every time they occur.

But still, that doesn;t make the Netherlands a bad country - so your still welcome here Zorba

[Watchman]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

[Adrian II]

If they will kill one just for some dominos what else will they do.

Say that it's genocide. Come on, hit me.

[Brutus]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

More likely gaga. You should know that this record domino toppling event is a yearly recurring phenomenon in our highly intelligent little country (this is about the 7th time in a row). It's another tribute to the high quality of our tv-programming as well...



*sigh*

[dgfred]

How about a pic of the 'snoogable' gal in jazzpants!?!

[Ronin]

they could have just turned on the tv cameras and filmed the sparrow messing the thing up and all the geeks running after it.......it would have been a lot more entertaining that the actual event.

[Brutus]

How about a pic of the 'snoogable' gal in jazzpants!?!

Let me help with that...couldn't find one with jazzpants though...

This is Nance when she's presenting the Netherlands' oldest tv game show, Lingo.

[Adrian II]

News Flash!

This just in. The Domino Day organisation did not get written permission from the local authorities to shoot the sparrow. Animal Rights activists are threatening violent retaliation. Specialised detectives from the Frisian police and Animal Protection inspectors are on the spot investigating the case; not the death threats, obviously, but the fate of the sparrow...

Meanwhile, tv channel SBS6 has announced that the start of their Domino Day programme this Friday will be a memorial occasion devoted to the sparrow. The sparrow's friends and family will address the crowd and counseling will be available throught the evening.

In a related development, the condolence website www.dodemus.nl ('dode mus' means 'dead sparrow') was temporarily hacked yesterday, the condolences were replaced by porn images.


Whereto? Spain, the Antilles, Madagascar?

[Brutus]

Yaaaaargh!!!

Time to get a lift on the first Vogon constructor fleet that passes by...

[Adrian II]

Yaaaaargh!!!

Time to get a lift on the first Vogon constructor fleet that passes by...

Right! Or on anything else that's big, noisy, ugly, smelly, symbolic of good old-fashioned progress and totally destructive of all things natural within a 1000 yard radius.

[English assassin]

Hah. You should have got the Metropolitan Police to gun the sparrow down. They would have fitted it up with Bird Flu and Bob's your uncle.

[ichi]

They shoulda sealed all the dors and windows, had 2-3000 pot-smokers come in and fill the place with smoke, then leave little sparrow munchies out in a trap.

They also should add a piece to the domino array that has a domino trigger a small rifle that shoots a plastic sparrow that, when it falls over, not only resumes the domino array but also sets a small plastic human rights activist doll spinning on its head

Now that would be cool

ichi

[Adrian II]

They shoulda sealed all the dors and windows, had 2-3000 pot-smokers come in and fill the place with smoke, then leave little sparrow munchies out in a trap.

They also should add a piece to the domino array that has a domino trigger a small rifle that shoots a plastic sparrow that, when it falls over, not only resumes the domino array but also sets a small plastic human rights activist doll spinning on its head

Now that would be cool

ichi

Alternatively, they could insert members of the Dutch government as live push-overs in some of the arrays. They would topple so smoothly nobody would notice.

[doc_bean]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

Everything about the Netherlands seems cheerfully insane, not to say they're all [explicit] crazy there !

Just watch one talk show with Paul de Leeuw, it makes those weird japanese shows look normal in comparison

Maybe all the weed has effected their minds ?

[Watchman]

Can't be. We Finns drink a *lot* of the stuff, and we're not very funny. Ditto for the Germans.

...well, intentionally anyway...

[dgfred]

Let me help with that...couldn't find one with jazzpants though...

This is Nance when she's presenting the Netherlands' oldest tv game show, Lingo.

'Snoogable', jazz pants or not!

[Brutus]

Can't be. We Finns drink a *lot* of the stuff, and we're not very funny. Ditto for the Germans.

...well, intentionally anyway...

You drink weed? You could make alot of money by teaching people how to do that, you know...

Alternatively, they could insert members of the Dutch government as live push-overs in some of the arrays. They would topple so smoothly nobody would notice.

Fortunately, they have no spines they could break falling.

[Watchman]

Ah, I meant beer. Must be some sort of racial-memory Freudian misreading...
Beer...
Weed...
...must not confuse the two...

[Ser Clegane]

Ditto for the Germans.

What? We are so totally funny, you know?












At least there seem to be a lot of jokes about Germans...

[Watchman]

Particularly by, say, the French, right ?

[Rodion Romanovich]

the tv channel has hired a private security firm to establish a large 'safety cordon' around the facility to protect the event from 'further acts of terrorism'.

Welcome to The Netherlands. Views, anyone?

It's obvious that Al Qaeda was responsible for this act of war, so the Netherlands must immediately send troops to Iraq in order to defend freedom and the Netherlandic dream! While they're at it, they could also give the police full rights to shoot sparrows on sight if they are suspected of carrying out or planning future acts of terrorism, or supporting terrorism. In order to preserve freedom, all suspect sparrows should, if deemed necessary, be subject to death penalty without trial.

[Red Harvest]

I just found it hilarious that you needed a permit to kill a sparrow.

Hey, it's a big event with a lot of people spending considerable time and effort. And it is endangered by that most frightening of enemies...the common sparrow. They try to use traps/nets/etc. but fail. So they resort to the air rifle. If this were truly a rare animal, then I could understand a backlash, but with a common sparrow...c'mon. What's next, written permission for killing cockroaches and only if you can prove they are threatening your life? ("One climbed up my nose while I slept! I swear, they are trying to suffocate me in my sleep.")

Really dysfunctional.

[GoreBag]

What? We are so totally funny, you know?

The funniest thing about Germans is their inability to handle jokes about being German.

[Geoffrey S]

Did the bullet come from the left?


I don't know what's sadder, the event itself or such a fuss about one bloody sparrow. Heck, it's getting more newstime than those gang killings recently.

[Byzantine Prince]

This is an outrage. Let justice take its course. I hope execution of the perpetrators are in order.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Note to self:

Send large box of U.S. sparrows to Netherlands. As beneficiaries of our 2nd ammendment, these sparrows can defend their fallen sibling.

Not to self on note to self:

Poke holes in box in order to avert charge of genocide.

[ichi]

Alternatively, they could insert members of the Dutch government as live push-overs in some of the arrays. They would topple so smoothly nobody would notice.

But would they have the mass to continue the domino chain of events?

ichi