Sparrow summarily executed

[Adrian II]

Since two days the glorious Dutch nation is up in arms about the death of a sparrow. The story is thusly.

Commercial channel SBS6 is sponsoring a record domino toppling event called 'Domino Day' on November 18th in the Frisian Expo Centre (FEC).

Apart from featuring one brilliant mathematician who figured it all out as well as a female presenter who is eminently snoggable and looks verily phantastique in jazz pants, the whole enterprise seems rather silly. Professionals and volunteers have been fumbling about with 4.321.000 domino stones for months. The result is a huge domino mosaique.

Dominoferrus imbecilis Hollandicus

However, last Monday disaster struck. A sparrow had taken refuge in the dome of the FEC main hall, constituting a clear and present danger for the record attempt.

Passer domesticus Hollandiae

When a two hour chase with conventional means (nets, bird seed) remained fruitless and the sparrow had knocked down 23.000 domino stones, the organisation had recourse to cruder means. A pest control team were summoned, the leader of which soon came to the conclusion that only a shot between the eyes would prevent the sparrow from ruining the entire event.

But sparrows are a protected species in The Netherlands (which gives you an indication of the untold wealth and variety of our fauna in general) and they had to get official permission first. A Dutch shooting champion was called up and the summary death sentence was finally carried out, the remains of the sparrow were disposed of and the matter seemed closed.

But the Animal Protection Society didn't think so. They were enraged that the precious life of a sparrow, a protected animal at that, would be sacrificed on the altar of tv ratings, commercial advertising and the prestige of tv-bosses, some anchormen and one admittedly scrumptious anchorwoman. Websites were soon replete with death threats against the henchman, the pest control firm had to shut down for the week. A marginal Animal Rights group filed a criminal complaint against the organisation, a radio dj has awarded 4000 euro to whoever manages to topple the domino stones prior to next Friday's event, and the tv channel has hired a private security firm to establish a large 'safety cordon' around the facility to protect the event from 'further acts of terrorism'.

Welcome to The Netherlands. Views, anyone?

[master of the puppets]

lol very funny but i have to side with those animal rights people, it was simply a foolish animal who meant no harm, yet it was killed just so one fool or even many may have the satisfaction of pushing over a bunch of blocks. well thats humanity for you. for this great and noble and stupid and frivolous enterprise they would destroy the life of one of the most defensless and fragile of beings, so one may get his momentary satisfaction they would gladly kill one bird, but had it been a mouse? a cat? mabey a rouge dog? these animals would probably have been summerily destroyed also if they had showed up, but disturbingly it shows how fragile and weak the defense laws of these needy creatues is. if they will kill one just for some dominos what else will they do.

k thats my ranting.

[Adrian II]

If they will kill one just for some dominos what else will they do.

Say that it's genocide. Come on, hit me.

[English assassin]

Hah. You should have got the Metropolitan Police to gun the sparrow down. They would have fitted it up with Bird Flu and Bob's your uncle.

[R'as al Ghul]

lol very funny but i have to side with those animal rights people, it was simply a foolish animal who meant no harm, yet it was killed just so one fool or even many may have the satisfaction of pushing over a bunch of blocks. well thats humanity for you. for this great and noble and stupid and frivolous enterprise they would destroy the life of one of the most defensless and fragile of beings, so one may get his momentary satisfaction they would gladly kill one bird, but had it been a mouse? a cat? mabey a rouge dog? these animals would probably have been summerily destroyed also if they had showed up, but disturbingly it shows how fragile and weak the defense laws of these needy creatues is.

I agree and am happy to see that someone shares my sentiments.
I wasn't really surprised to hear it but it's sad. Most people don't care
about the animals that live around us and will happily put their interests
above the animals'. I don't think it's funny at all and to think it was
for "Domino Day", one of the most useless and unentertaining programs to be,
doesn't make it any better.
I don't think the sparrow would have fared any better in any other country
(except New Zealand perhaps) though.
This all said I usually think that actions by those "Animal Rights" people
are mostly exxagerated.

[Reverend Joe]

Ooooooooookaaaaaaaay...

*marks the Netherlands off of possible places to move to when the US collapses*

(It was number 1. )

Edit: On second thought, I will probably move there anyway.

[Dutch_guy]

yeah, we have a lot of time on our hands - referring to the domino day ;)

And out most read paper always has these kind of news messages on the front page, so these things get blown out of proportion every time they occur.

But still, that doesn;t make the Netherlands a bad country - so your still welcome here Zorba

[Watchman]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

[Brutus]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

More likely gaga. You should know that this record domino toppling event is a yearly recurring phenomenon in our highly intelligent little country (this is about the 7th time in a row). It's another tribute to the high quality of our tv-programming as well...



*sigh*

[dgfred]

How about a pic of the 'snoogable' gal in jazzpants!?!

[Brutus]

How about a pic of the 'snoogable' gal in jazzpants!?!

Let me help with that...couldn't find one with jazzpants though...

This is Nance when she's presenting the Netherlands' oldest tv game show, Lingo.

[Ronin]

they could have just turned on the tv cameras and filmed the sparrow messing the thing up and all the geeks running after it.......it would have been a lot more entertaining that the actual event.

[Adrian II]

News Flash!

This just in. The Domino Day organisation did not get written permission from the local authorities to shoot the sparrow. Animal Rights activists are threatening violent retaliation. Specialised detectives from the Frisian police and Animal Protection inspectors are on the spot investigating the case; not the death threats, obviously, but the fate of the sparrow...

Meanwhile, tv channel SBS6 has announced that the start of their Domino Day programme this Friday will be a memorial occasion devoted to the sparrow. The sparrow's friends and family will address the crowd and counseling will be available throught the evening.

In a related development, the condolence website www.dodemus.nl ('dode mus' means 'dead sparrow') was temporarily hacked yesterday, the condolences were replaced by porn images.


Whereto? Spain, the Antilles, Madagascar?

[Brutus]

Yaaaaargh!!!

Time to get a lift on the first Vogon constructor fleet that passes by...

[Kaiser of Arabia]

News Flash!

This just in. The Domino Day organisation did not get written permission from the local authorities to shoot the sparrow. Animal Rights activists are threatening violent retaliation. Specialised detectives from the Frisian police and Animal Protection inspectors are on the spot investigating the case; not the death threats, obviously, but the fate of the sparrow...

Meanwhile, tv channel SBS6 has announced that the start of their Domino Day programme this Friday will be a memorial occasion devoted to the sparrow. The sparrow's friends and family will address the crowd and counseling will be available throught the evening.

In a related development, the condolence website www.dodemus.nl ('dode mus' means 'dead sparrow') was temporarily hacked yesterday, the condolences were replaced by porn images.


Whereto? Spain, the Antilles, Madagascar?

Idea

Lets kill and eat animal right's activists to save some cow life.

Problem Solved.

[doc_bean]

"It's only a domino event but I like it." There's something cheerfully Dada about the whole episode.

Everything about the Netherlands seems cheerfully insane, not to say they're all [explicit] crazy there !

Just watch one talk show with Paul de Leeuw, it makes those weird japanese shows look normal in comparison

Maybe all the weed has effected their minds ?

[Watchman]

Can't be. We Finns drink a *lot* of the stuff, and we're not very funny. Ditto for the Germans.

...well, intentionally anyway...

[Brutus]

Can't be. We Finns drink a *lot* of the stuff, and we're not very funny. Ditto for the Germans.

...well, intentionally anyway...

You drink weed? You could make alot of money by teaching people how to do that, you know...

Alternatively, they could insert members of the Dutch government as live push-overs in some of the arrays. They would topple so smoothly nobody would notice.

Fortunately, they have no spines they could break falling.

[Ser Clegane]

Ditto for the Germans.

What? We are so totally funny, you know?












At least there seem to be a lot of jokes about Germans...

[Rodion Romanovich]

the tv channel has hired a private security firm to establish a large 'safety cordon' around the facility to protect the event from 'further acts of terrorism'.

Welcome to The Netherlands. Views, anyone?

It's obvious that Al Qaeda was responsible for this act of war, so the Netherlands must immediately send troops to Iraq in order to defend freedom and the Netherlandic dream! While they're at it, they could also give the police full rights to shoot sparrows on sight if they are suspected of carrying out or planning future acts of terrorism, or supporting terrorism. In order to preserve freedom, all suspect sparrows should, if deemed necessary, be subject to death penalty without trial.

[Red Harvest]

I just found it hilarious that you needed a permit to kill a sparrow.

Hey, it's a big event with a lot of people spending considerable time and effort. And it is endangered by that most frightening of enemies...the common sparrow. They try to use traps/nets/etc. but fail. So they resort to the air rifle. If this were truly a rare animal, then I could understand a backlash, but with a common sparrow...c'mon. What's next, written permission for killing cockroaches and only if you can prove they are threatening your life? ("One climbed up my nose while I slept! I swear, they are trying to suffocate me in my sleep.")

Really dysfunctional.

[Kralizec]

I say it was a conspiracy, and start implementing an Endlosung for ALL sparrows. And even if there's no conspiracy, it's still worth doing by virtue of pissing off all those animal rights-extremists.

Seriously though, it's almost embarassing. When other nations get into the news because of scandals, riots, elections or what not...we get into the news because some guy kills a sparrow and we treat it like a fucking genocide

[Red Harvest]

Seriously though, it's almost embarassing. When other nations get into the news because of scandals, riots, elections or what not...we get into the news because some guy kills a sparrow and we treat it like a fucking genocide

"Almost" ? It is embarassing. It shows a basic lack of common sense. And people wonder why the U.S. is reluctant to sign certain military treaties?

(And I frequently point out U.S. foibles over things like the "Pledge" or nudity or sex.)

[Kralizec]

Nope it's not, I don't feel embarassed, so the ussage is correct

Military treaties? I must have missed something? Are air rifles considered mass destruction weapons?

Every nation occasionally comes into the news with comparable stupidity. I distinctly recall that in the US there was an investigation wether a former president had used his weiner (an important national asset, apparently) in an extramarital affair, and then tried to impeach him when he lied about it

[Major Robert Dump]

I thought people only shot guns and played dominoes in East St. Louis, wow I learn new stuff all the time here.

[_Martyr_]

They should have used White Phospherous, then at least there would have been no sparrow left as evidence.

Very funny story, thanks for sharing!

[Adrian II]

I watched the Domino Day programme last Friday. Big mistake. It reinforced my natural propensity toward cultural pessimism and misanthropy.

Because I had to dine out first, I missed the opening sparrow memorial service. Maybe other Dutch patrons can fill the .org members in on that.

The first shocker was Nance's hair which had been superglued to her skull in an apparent attempt to give her a 'new look', thus ruining the full babe effect for me. That was a bad omen.

Second shocker was the voice-over. The domino's had been arranged in more or less huge panels. Each panel depicted a legend or fairy-tale. As the panels and sub-panels toppled, the voice-over told the accompanying story. Or tried to. And failed in the most miserable, butt-squeezingly embarrassing way. On the Fall of Troy:

''Will Troy finally meet its Waterloo?'

On the Japanese fairy-tale of the stone-cutter:

'Here we see the lowly stone-cutter, chipping away day and night at the rock. One day the King happens to pass by.'

The King of Japan.

By the time they reached the final panel, family members had long ceased to speak to me. I had sunk into a sort of Rip van Winckle-ish stupor, my mind clouded by images of toppling governments, voice-over actors with their tongues superglued to their palates, and historic panels of Hans Brinker on wooden shoes shoving his thumb up his own fundament.

It took two glasses of cognac, some quality attention and the instalment of a particularly gory video to bring me to my senses.

Two hours of domino's and not a single full body shot of Nance. This country is going to the dogs.

[Geoffrey S]

By the time they reached the final panel, family members had long ceased to speak to me. I had sunk into a sort of Rip van Winckle-ish stupor, my mind clouded by images of toppling governments, voice-over actors with their tongues superglued to their palates, and historic panels of Hans Brinker on wooden shoes shoving his thumb up his own fundament.

It took two glasses of cognac, some quality attention and the instalment of a particularly gory video to bring me to my senses.

Two hours of domino's and not a single full body shot of Nance. This country is going to the dogs.

Which all begs the question: why did you watch it at all? Undue pressure? I've managed to live in this country for a number of years, and haven't watched Domino Day once; guess I'm not quite 'ingeburgerd' just yet.

[Dutch_guy]

I too have plainly refused to watch it...

I find it a sign that I'm mentally in good shape.

[Adrian II]

Which all begs the question: why did you watch it at all? Undue pressure?

Forensic interest.

I've managed to live in this country for a number of years, and haven't watched Domino Day once; guess I'm not quite 'ingeburgerd' just yet.

Hush, or else Fragony and his gang of benighted burghers will 'beat the shit' out of you...






... provided they ever manage to keep an appointment, of course.