The first part was very good. A bit too florid for my taste, but otherwise you succeeded.

The second part was good also. I liked the dialogue. However, I was initialy confused by your use of "other". The fact that the commander first spits, and then starts quavering didn't help. But otherwise, you have lost none of your skill.

Sorry for not doing better. I am a bit overworked at the moment. I really need a good night of sleep, but I am way behind schedule .