Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chick Norris’ tears cure cancer. The problem is that Chuck Norris does not cry.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS, but he gives it to people anyway.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all 3 bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
To prove that it isn’t what a big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired seven different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for thirty minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris- more than meets the eye; Chuck Norris- robot in disguise . . . ”, and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the Earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up! This was far too awesome for a single show, and so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck Norris omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse related deaths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying, “BOO-YA”!
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling “bang”!
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more humane.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC. He is claiming that “Law & Order” are the trademark names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris took my virginity and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re saying to yourself, “that’s impossible, I already lost my virginity”, you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs of beer and crapped all over the floor . . . just because he’s Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds from death.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.
Helen Keller’s favorite color was Chuck Norris.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact teas-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people dead.
When God said, “let there be light”, Chuck Norris said, “say ‘please’”.
30 facts about Chuck Norris.
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That was hilarious...
Originally Posted by Xiahou
Oh, god... look at the Mr. T facts.
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