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  1. #1
    Chief Sniffer Senior Member ichi's Avatar
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    Default Rules of Manhood

    From my email inbox

    ==================================
    RULES OF MANHOOD

    01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

    02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    e. When she is using her teeth.

    03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
    and eaten by his buddies.

    04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
    jail within 12 hours.

    05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
    forever, unless you actually marry her.

    06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
    However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
    In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

    08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
    weakest.

    09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
    the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
    climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
    entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
    supermodel..and it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
    kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
    until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
    much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
    sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
    but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
    his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
    except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.
    Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
    almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
    you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
    necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
    carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
    no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about
    what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
    to drive yours.

    26: Unless it is a Jeep or a vintage Mopar, Thou shall not buy a car in the
    colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
    with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
    Ever
    Stay Calm, Be Alert, Think Clearly, Act Decisively

    CoH

  2. #2
    Senior Member Senior Member Ser Clegane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Brilliant

    That one:
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    had me actually spill my tea (is tea after 5pm in compliance with the rules?)

  3. #3
    Ambiguous Member Byzantine Prince's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    If this is a real indicator of manhood I'm about 25% man. Although I would never cry for any movie, JEEEEZ!

  4. #4
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by ichi
    From my email inbox

    ==================================
    RULES OF MANHOOD

    05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
    forever, unless you actually marry her.
    Unless it's the boss's sister and you're willing to lose your job for six months until he calls you back again that is.

    Cough.
    Unto each good man a good dog

  5. #5
    Nec Pluribus Impar Member SwordsMaster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Beirut
    Unless it's the boss's sister and you're willing to lose your job for six months until he calls you back again that is.

    Cough.
    Managing perceptions goes hand in hand with managing expectations - Masamune

    Pie is merely the power of the state intruding into the private lives of the working class. - Beirut

  6. #6
    Not affiliated with Red Dwarf. Member Ianofsmeg16's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    So...funny...can't...breath

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
    When I was a child
    I caught a fleeting glimpse
    Out of the corner of my eye.
    I turned to look but it was gone
    I cannot put my finger on it now
    The child is grown,
    The dream is gone.
    I have become comfortably numb...

    Proud Supporter of the Gahzette

  7. #7

    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by ichi
    If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
    entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
    Heh...Dutch Oven.
    ..::Noobs don't own themselves!::..

  8. #8
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
    forever, unless you actually marry her
    Yeah, same one. Add: any of his ex's are date-able ONLY with his permission.
    Be well. Do good. Keep in touch.

  9. #9
    |LGA.3rd|General Clausewitz Member Kaiser of Arabia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Heh 100% man. I go for the beer over the Pizza though.

    Why do you hate Freedom?
    The US is marching backward to the values of Michael Stivic.

  10. #10
    Medical Welshman in London. Senior Member Big King Sanctaphrax's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Another good one I heard-Real men always sharpen pencils with penknives, not namby-pamby sharpeners. That's why they're called penknives, you big girl.
    Co-Lord of BKS and Beirut's Kingdom of Peace and Love.

    "Handsome features, rugged exteriors, intellectual chick magnets, we're pretty much twins."-Beirut

    "Rhy, where's your helicopter now? Where's your ******* helicopter now?"-Mephistopheles.



  11. #11
    Member Member Spetulhu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rules of Manhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Big King Sanctaphrax
    Another good one I heard-Real men always sharpen pencils with penknives, not namby-pamby sharpeners. That's why they're called penknives, you big girl.
    Real men use a puukko, not some sissy pen knife.
    If you're fighting fair you've made a miscalculation.

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