(as found on the net.)

Top 10 Highlights of the New Osama Bin Laden Tape


10. Outraged that Bush would wiretap him without a warrant

9. Is “troubled’ by the Alito nomination

8. Wholeheartedly endorses the McCain anti-Torture Amendment

7. Wants to know where he can get his hands on a Brokeback Mountain bootleg DVD

6. Denied ever being a member of ZZ Top

5. Regrets that Bush made him kill Cindy Sheehan’s son

4. Warns the producers of “24” not to portray Muslims as terrorists

3. Upset that people keep saying that he’s dead

2. Threatened more terrorist attacks unless Fox agrees to broadcast another season of “The Simple Life”

1. Wants Jimmy Carter to negotiate a truce