A WET PIECE OF STRING!!
Reminds me of the internal office gag we had at the ISP I work at, we do wireless 3G internet (up to 500kbit/s but with high latency) & last year launched a VoIP phone service, teething problems + ongoing network instability resulted in a cup & string labelled "VoIP MK II" going round the office for a while...

At home I have 2mb ADSL.
We recently switched from the natural monopoly provider to a wholesaler with higher data allowance at same price, got consistently 1.8mb in testing before but seem to be getting a generally lower & quite variable speed with the new ISP :(
Its probably due to ongoing shenanigans regarding the wholesaleing by said natural monopoly who doesn't really want to wholesale but is doing it to try to prevent government regulations & they are hopefully going to get this fixed by regulation sometime this year.