I'm glad you're willing to ask for help before you do anything. There is a chance that all you want is attention, but maybe you need that. I remember being depressed and gloomy at your age, so I guess I'll try and help. Maybe my case back then is similar to yours.

I remember the last time you came in here, you scoffed at the ideas of exercise and religion. I never tried serious religion, but exercise worked. Once you put in about a month of time of serious exercise, the changes become noticeable and you'll realize that you can, indeed, see a human being in the mirror. Getting stronger made me feel better. Of course, I was grossly out of shape back then. You might be different.

I remember being very frustrated and having many violent, hate-filled fantasies involving baseball bats, powers, and fire extinguishers to the ear back then. Looking back, I think that these were generated because I was not living up to my potential, that I didn't have any power over the world. I knew I could do better. I fixed this by working hard when I got into college. Good grades make you feel like you aren't a piece of trash. Plus, this was college and I was working for me, and not for my parents. I got to stick it to them that way. By the way, do your parents help you with these problems or make them worse?

There's a theme developing here. Work at being who you always wanted to be. Except a dead guy.

I also got a few years older. My problems might have been exacerbated by the hormones.

A lot of people's personalities and attitudes are generated by their environments. Try changing yours. Delete things from your computer, watch different TV, stop watching TV, throw a bunch of old junk away, clean your room, and rearrange the furniture. If you want things to be different, something has to change.

Change is a lot less messy than suicide, plus the whole internet won't laugh at you. Suicide tells me that you don't want to be you. Don't be you then. Change yourself. You won't be or feel "fake" if you do it, either.

I remember that I got off on self-pity, and I had a few friends who did as well. I think that just made it worse. We dragged each other down, and it didn't matter that all we felt was unpleasantness, as it created group camaraderie. I remember that you had a suicidal girlfriend. Are you two suicidal so you can sympathize with each other? I don't have the right to tell you who not to see, but I don't know if much good can come from this.

Well, that's all I can remember right now. Tell me what you think if you feel the need to. Damn this post was long.