Well, i'm back. Sort of.

[Kagemusha]

I know how you feel. Everyday the world gets a little darker, the blood in your veins turns to acid; the hatred, rage, and complete utter sadness are the only things you feel, coupled with the void you feel somewhere in your head. Its the warrior spirit mate, a blood lust, a passionate yearning to be somewhere else, or to transcend your physical being, because the life you had in this world is not the one you are meant for...
But, it is and you don't realize that yet. I fought myself day and night and day all over again for five years, because I knew in my heart at the time that things should be different. I had money, I had cars, I had girls but it was never enough to satiate my hunger. Having nothing and being young and depressed is the same as having everything and being young and depressed. Because you know in your mind that this is not the way and it never will be.

But, you grow older and if you defeat it, become stronger and wiser than you have ever been before. The lessons you are learning are the hardest you will ever take, because you are always walking the fine line between life and death and one slip could send you reeling into oblivion. Take the chance now to correct it, if you have rage punching something (not living) until your nuckles are swollen and bleeding will correct that, if you are sad no matter of happiness will ever be enough, turn that into guile and build yourself a fortune. If you are irritated read a book, or take up tailoring or something that takes a long time to do, and you will have learned patience. When you have done that for a long enough time, you will have killed yourself, but not the person you were planning on killing, the depression itself. And no matter what, wave after wave of misfortune and bad luck can never dissuade you, and depression will fuel your ambition. Those of us that do suffer from it and that have been to the very abyss of the human mind know that status quo is never good enough, you become something great, maybe for even one person, or not at all. It is your decision, be sure to choose wisely...

One more bit of advice I can give you: Never let yourself be silent.

Wakizashi that is one of the best posts i have ever read on this Forum.

[KukriKhan]

You know my feelings from the last time.

At the very least, get some light. Preferably sunlight, but any bright light will do. And do anything that will make you breathe deeply.

Sitting in a dark room, breathing shallowly, will eventually make anyone dark and brooding.

That part of you that you think craves "end", doesn't really; it's just trying to trick you. And it isn't "you". You possess ideas and feelings... but they don't possess you. You're in charge, even when you think you're not.

Be well. Do something for someone else; especially some random act of kindness. And keep in touch. We care.

[Byzantine Mercenary]

Or he could take, y'know...medicine that actually works...

well ive heard that it is very effective and many conventional anti depresants have side effects and are treating the symptoms rather then the cause

[LeftEyeNine]

well ive heard that it is very effective and many conventional anti depresants have side effects and are treating the symptoms rather then the cause

The cause -as long as it is not of an organic defect in the brain- can not be cured by taking a pill and sitting down on your ***. There is a general description that what is seen as "depression" is only the part of the iceberg above the water.

What's more, the anti-depressants are known to be the most suspicious drugs that really cure or not. They need intensive clinic tests with placebos to determine their efficiency before getting an approval.

[Mikeus Caesar]

I don't know why, but i just went mad last night and caused a large gash down my left forearm. One advantage of it is that having this bandage on for a few weeks should prevent me from cutting there anymore. Who knows, i might stop cutting altogether. Which will be good.

(picture of the bandage on my arm, no blood or anything)

(No pics my friend, we already discussed this - Beirut)

[Craterus]

Your parents? They must know, right? What are they doing to help you through this?

[Mongoose]

Just tell your parents what you're telling us. They'll help you much better then anyone oever the internet is going to be able to.

[Csargo]

I really dont know how to help you cause theres no really way you have to decided that you don't want life to end if you just keep on going and keep on trying Im sure that good things will happen and things will get better in your life theres no doubt about that. When I feel down I always listen to music when I feel depressed it helps me feel better.

Good luck to you

[Byzantine Mercenary]

The cause -as long as it is not of an organic defect in the brain- can not be cured by taking a pill and sitting down on your ***. There is a general description that what is seen as "depression" is only the part of the iceberg above the water.

What's more, the anti-depressants are known to be the most suspicious drugs that really cure or not. They need intensive clinic tests with placebos to determine their efficiency before getting an approval.

i know and i wouldn't suggest just taking it and then doing nothing else, it was only an idea.

[Axeknight]

Now here's a top tip: next time you feel like cutting yourself, take an icecube. Hell, take several. Hold it in the palm of your hand and squeeze it til you've crushed it. Same feeling of release, but you're not hurting yourself.

[Mikeus Caesar]

Erk, got back from a party last night. Was a bit tipsy (3 shots of strong russian vodka and a bottle of WKD), but in control of myself. Went to my room, as usual. Cut my arm to shreds. Many cuts. I'm starting to think i may take your advice, to tell someone. But the odd thing is, the pain that i crave from these acts of self-mutilation, i no longer recieve. I'm having to cut deeper, and cut more to get the pain. And when i do get the pain, it's the most unbelievable feeling in the world. You feel like no one can bring you down, like your on top of the world. Almost like you never thought about suicide. Then you start to come down, and you look at the cuts, and wonder what is the point in it all.

[Beirut]

My friend, you're going to have to face the music and take the first step. You are going to have to get help. Period.

Talking to us is fine, but all we can do is offer long distance advice and sympathy. You are going to have to deal with this. You are going to have to talk to someone who can help fix this situation, and the situation can be fixed no matter what you think.

If you don't know what else to do, then walk into a hospital emergency room, today!, and tell them what's going on. Tell the doctor everything. Tell him you want and need help. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Start the ball rolling towards a new and better life.

Now, my friend, get off your ass and get some help. Feeling sorry for yourself and getting sympathy from others is all fine and dandy, but does nothing. Time to take the bull by the horns and deal with it. It's up to you to take the first step.

We're all looking forward to your next post where you tell us you did something positive.

[Viking]

You feel like no one can bring you down, like your on top of the world.

Exactly. What you might be needing is attention in real life, or just to stop caring about other people, and live your life your own way...

I dunno if Freud agrees with me.

[LeftEyeNine]

Well in my first post I had tried to mention what Beirut just said far more clear than me. Get pro help, currywurry, the mess you are within is not a childplay.

[Byzantine Mercenary]

oh man it sounds like youve damaged the nerves in your arm, even if you haven't yet thats what will happen, that sort of damage doesn't heal easyly if at all, find another release man, try the ice cube thing axeknight mentioned,

surely your parents have noticed if youve needed bandages?

[Mikeus Caesar]

I got fed up with my arm last night, slashed the palm of my hand. Straight through the skin, lots of blood. Still hurts a bit now.

surely your parents have noticed if youve needed bandages?

Jumpers, dear boy, jumpers. Their long sleeves cover everything.

[LeftEyeNine]

Friend, are you aware that you still come here and tell us about your self hack'n slash game ? Please, for the sake of God, get help. What's more it's getting unpleasant to hear here you cutting through yourself.

[Beirut]

That's it. That's all.

We have been friendly, sympathetic, and have offered the clearest advice possible, that being go talk to someone today. But this is enough. I told you not to use the members here as emotional punching bags yet all you do is post about further self-abuse and not one word about what you're doing to try and improve the situation.

This thread is closed. PM me if you want to talk, or would like to open up this thread again to actually discuss matters.

If you start another thread like this I'll insta-ban you on the spot.

You want friends, fine, we're here. You want an audience - go somewhere else.