Legio, I am not going to comment at length on your post because it contains a lot of things I disagree with but are clearly emotionally explosive for you.

However, I would ask you to think of this: Remarkably few people who are abused as children go on to be abusers. Most transcend their experience, one way or another. No-one can abrogate personal responsibility for their actions because of their experiences, though those experiences may be an explanation, perhaps a mitigation. Never an excuse.

For example, Ludwig van Beethoven was beaten extremely severely as a child, to the extent he lost his precious hearing as a result. He did not commit, nor encourage others to commit genocide. He loved and was loved. Yes, he led a fairly screwed up life, but who doesn't?

Finally, to my knowledge, it has always been the case in law and moral philosophy that conspiracy to murder has always been viewed as seriously as doing the act itself.