what is your fantasy news headline?

[Strike For The South]

TEXAS BECOMES OWN COUTNRY

America just couldnt handle us.

IILEGALS MADE TO BUILD WALL. TEXAS GOVENER LOCKS IT FROM THE INSIDE
PWND

Alien assuallt on Texas fails. The search for the Texas Turk begins

[GoreBag]

Infrastructure Crumbles in Face of Zombie Attack
Holy crap, we're all screwed!

[Uesugi Kenshin]

Texas Declares War on United States

Vermont Spearheads Invasion of Texas, Texans Are Overrun and Surrender After Two Hours of Combat
"We just couldn't stop those Green Mountain Boys!"

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

George W. Bush and John Kerry die in a high-speed Ferrari crash!

German and British Imperialism Restored! Imperialist Club Members Granted Ruling Positions!

Americans and French wipe each other out in a sudden war!

Actually, maybe that last one isn't so good...maybe only half the French, so we can have some fun invading in our Imperialist society.

[Alexanderofmacedon]

EDIT: That was stupid...i cant think of a good one at the moment...

[Alexanderofmacedon]

Texas Declares War on United States

Vermont Spearheads INvasion of Texas, Texans Are Overrun and Surrender After Two Hours of Combat
"We just couldn't stop those Green Mountain Boys!"

You know me and Anthony are going on a killing spree? discovery1's dorm is already going to be cleared out...

...don't push us!

[JimBob]

God Comes To Earth
Tells Humanity "You Know Where You Can Shove It."

[Csargo]

Texas Declares War on United States

Vermont Spearheads INvasion of Texas, Texans Are Overrun and Surrender After Two Hours of Combat
"We just couldn't stop those Green Mountain Boys!"

Texans revolt against Vermontian Overlords. Vermontians surrender within ten minutes of Texan uprising. After overthrow of Vermontian Oppressive government rag tag Texan army goes on Offensive against US. US defeated within a couple of weeks. Texans take over country and rename it Texan Union of States.

Headed by me of course.

[Ja'chyra]

Heads of All Major Religions Say "Sorry"

In a joint statement today the heads of all the worlds religions apologised saying that religion started as an April Fools Day joke and just seemed "To get out of hand"

Prime Minister Sacked For Not Upholding Election Promises

Tony Blair was today fired from his post as Prime Minister for failing to stick to promises made to the electorate during his campaign speeches.

[doc_bean]

Bush A MENSA Member ?
Says staff worker: "He fooled the public for years !"


Alien Overlord Returns
"Hail Xenu!" says Tom Cruise


The New Hype: Gay Metal !
Hardcore !

Belgian Engineering Student Builds First Fusion Reactor In His Basement
"I built it to power the beer fridge"

[Goofball]

Former U.S. House majority leader DeLay quits


DAVID ESPO
Associated Press
Washington — Succumbing to scandal, former majority leader Tom Delay intends to resign from Congress within weeks


Oh, wait. That one's real.

Sorry...

[KukriKhan]

Dazed, Tosa screams: "I did WHAT?"

4 April, The Netherlands (Org News Service) Forced awake by a skull-splitting headache after a 4-day binge, TosaInu groggily hugged his coffee cup, and admitted: "I never thought Kukri would take it seriously. Hell, I was kidding; you know: dutch humour...

'Take my job... please'. I mean: isn't that universally recognized as a joke?"...

[Divinus Arma]

Senate and House get tough on immigration; pass comprehensive legislation
Tens of Millions flee in massive emigration from the United States.

Washington D.C.- The President is expected to sign into law today a bill that would effectively resolve the illegal immigration problem in the United States. Among the most important articles are requirements that employers be jailed for hiring illegal immigrants and that children of illegal immigrants would no longer be given citizenship.

The most controversial provision of the bill required the instant vaporization of illegal immigrants using sophisticated satellite particle beam technology to be deployed in unison with the break-through DNA distance tracking technology developed jointly by JPL and the DoD. The ability of the technology to distinguish between legal status and nationality is a closely guarded secret, since the system is able to find all illegal immigrants, regardless of country of origin.

Despite international condemnation and a universal declaration of war by the world against the U.S., President PanzerJager has decided to continue, threatening to find new applications for what he calls a "laser". In a two second televised global address, PanzerJager was quoted as saying simply: "All your base are belong to us".

In related news, Mexico has begun building a wall to prevent re-immigration from Mexican citizens fleeing from the United States. They are expected to man the 700 mile wall with .50 cal crew served weapons every 200 meters with interlocking fields of fire supported by artillery deploying HE and WP.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Mexico Admits Hypocrisy
In a stunning announcement today, the Mexican Government has admitted its immigration policies and treatment of native Indians is blatantly hypocritical compared to what it demands from the USA.


Crazed Rabbit

[The_Doctor]

Mexico joins Union
Illegal immigrant problem ends.

[Avicenna]

Bush discovered to be alien robot
"No wonder he spoke so funny," said a member of the Senate,"I could never understand what he was saying."

[GeneralHankerchief]

Mohammed Returns to Mecca, Preaches to Radicals

Says "there's no more virgins, so there's no need to go on suicide missions in mine or Allah's name anymore."

[Leet Eriksson]

WE WILL ALL ******* DIE!!!
Terror rises from the Deep
IA DAGON, IA HYDRA
Oh shi, the mysterious atlanteans were a race of genocidal fish people!

[Shaka_Khan]

Former U.S. House majority leader DeLay quits


DAVID ESPO
Associated Press
Washington — Succumbing to scandal, former majority leader Tom Delay intends to resign from Congress within weeks


Oh, wait. That one's real.

Sorry...

Alien race of females have arrived for what they lack - men!

Reuters - Tue Apr 4, 8:51 AM ET

SALT LAKE CITY - It is now official. Due to the aliens' lack of men, there will be an ordinance in which at least two women must share a man. After millions of years of the aliens' existance, there is a genetic detoration in which their entire race lack the Y-chromosome. Even their sperm bank is running low.

One alien said, "Earthling men are passionate and gentle. Meanwhile our men are lazy, spoiled and impossible to find. The choice is obvious."

Another alien said, "I want a baby!"

One at a time please.

We do not need to be frightened unless you are an earthling woman. These aliens look very human, stay young forever and their average wealth puts Bill Gates to shame. Heck, I might as well quit my job and submit myself to them...

[Tribesman]

God speaks
The bigfellow returned today to speak at his first engagement in millenia , he was very angry and said he was suing publishers and preachers of scripture for slander libel and defamation of charachter .

[ajaxfetish]

US Vice President Dick Cheney Shoots Friend in the Face while Hunting Quail

Oh, wait. That one's real.

Sorry...

From a humorist's perspective, at least, some things just seem too good to be true. Like anything about George W., for example.

Ajax

[Quietus]

"500 Hours of previously unknown Bob Marley records uncovered."

"Quietus Wrong; Death is not Forever".

"Breaking News: Universe NOT pointless".

ok, realistically....

Earth makes E.T. contact

or

E.T.s land on Earth.

[The Black Ship]

US 5 - Brazil 0, US takes World Cup! FIFA disbands in protest

[Justiciar]

All nations deemed useless as corporate empires finally decide to take control.


Colloseum re-opened for business.


Ozzy Osboure elected as Pope.

[LeftEyeNine]

US 5 - Brazil 0, US takes World Cup! FIFA disbands in protest

Man I would disband myself if something like that could ever happen.

[yesdachi]

Liberals Fight For Zombie Rights.
The vigilante style of zombie killing must stop, they deserve a trial and then if convicted an appropriate jail sentence, rehabilitation or put into a program where they can learn a trade. Killing is wrong, we are better than that.

[Reverend Joe]

Hilton, Simpson, Lohan, Yesdachi sex tape uncovered!

Recent Mega Millions winner, Yesdachi, was the center of attention, reports Jeri Ryan of Star Trek fame, who recorded the action for her personal use.

College Student Gouges Eyes out in Horror After Seeing Illegal Sex Tape

Hendrix Revealed to be Messiah; Returns With Ninteen Albums Recorded Post-mortem
"Well, it looks like it wasn't Jesus after all," Church Officials say.

My personal favorite:

[BigTex]

Speaker Of The House Dennis Hastert Found Giving Oral Compliment In Oval Office To President Bush.

A.C.L.U. Fights For Hasterts And Presidents Bush's Right To Marriage.

Find Out What Kind of Dental Floss Hastert Uses Tonight At 10.