A good chuckle hot off my email

[Goofball]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

[Byzantine Mercenary]

thats an old one

[Alexanderofmacedon]

Ha! That's pretty funny. Makes me want to...

...

[Bar Kochba]

lol

[Dutch_guy]

Well it didn't exactly make me roll on the floor laughing but it wasn't too bad either.

Thanks for posting anyhow.

[Ice]

haha, good.

[KukriKhan]

A sergeant-major in the Paras was giving a lecture to some raw recruits.

''If you want to be part of this regiment,'' he shouted at them, ''then you need to have COMMITMENT! What do you need?''

''COMMITMENT, sergeant-major!'' the recruits all shouted back.

''Right, I shall now demonstrate my COMMITMENT to this regiment.''

The sergeant-major then ordered one of the men to open a nearby door. Almost as soon as the squaddie turned the handle, the door was pushed open and in slithered a ten-foot-long alligator, snarling and snapping.

The sergeant-major then undid his belt and dropped his trousers. Almost as soon as he did so, the alligator ran up and sank his teeth right into the sergeant-major's love truncheon. The sergeant-major barely winced.

''This,'' he shouted. ''is what we in the Parachute Regiment call COMMITMENT!'' He waited several seconds more to make his point and then swiftly jabbed the alligator in both eyes with his fingers.
The alligator flipped over on his back, jumped up, and ran into the corner of the office, glaring angrily at the sergeant-major.

''That, you 'orrible bunch, is what we in the Paras call COMMITMENT. Now which one of you 'orrible little men is ready to demonstrate his COMMITMENT?''

There was much shuffling of feet and murmuring until finally one young lad stepped forward.

''I, will sergeant-major,'' he said ''but you've got to promise not to poke me in the eyes.''

[KukriKhan]

Not all that 'ha-ha' funny, but amusing for anyone who has ever served with or around US spec-ops guys:

-------------------------(from strategypage.com)-----------

The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked Boeing 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and Boots Inspection, while the officers consulted SOPs and held sand table exercises.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their camouflage, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the 747 would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.

Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12 for some arcane historical reason) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team. All members of the team would spend a grueling afternoon at a quality spa ensuring physical abilities would be honed.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in HALO.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room at the best hotel in the area, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost, or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.

[Divinus Arma]

KK, that was good. The HALO drop got a LOL out of me. Very funny.

[Samurai Waki]

One I got off of my Email from my Brother:

A New York Businessman has a heart attack; so after the ordeal his doctor tells him he needs to relax. The man ponders about it, and then finally buys a nice little ranch in Montana.

So the Guy lives there for about a year, but was never really accepted because nobody knew him well. Finally, his old Rancher neighbor from across the street decides to invite him to a party.

The Old Rancher knocks on his door and the Guy slowly opens his door

"Greetings Sir." The Rancher stated as he shook his hand.
The Guy replies in the same fashion.

The Rancher hesitates for a few moments, and says "I'm gonna throw a party next week and was wondering if ye' wanted to come."

The Guy hasn't had social contact in quite some time so he agrees.

Then The Rancher says "Well theres gonna be a little dancing."
"Great!" the Guy Replies "I haven't Danced in years."

The Rancher looks down at his feet and mutters "Theres all gonna be some drinking."
"Well I haven't had a shot since my heart attack, I think alcohol will do me some good to ease up."

Then the Rancher looks him right in the eye "but I gotta warn ya, theres also probably gonna be some sex." The Guy is really excited now "I haven't had sex since the wife and me got a divorce."

The Guy asks "So when should I show up?"
The Old Rancher shrugs "Whenever you feel like it, it's just gonna be you and me."

[SomeNick]

lol!