...A Little Scared

[Samurai Waki]

So I got the news at about 11:00pm tonight, that I am going to be a father...
I know I should be happy about it, and I love my girlfriend without measure. I thought we were doing all the right things (safe sex wise) and it still happened. I did a DNA test the other day and it turned out that in all likelyness I was the father (they can't do an official DNA test yet) because that could kill the baby so they did a blood type test. Plus I trust Amy enough to know that she hasn't been cheating (and that I spend 90% of my time with her). I'm only 21 and attending college, and she's 19...we've been dating for about six months now...ugghh what a disaster. So I've been up for the last couple of hours contemplating this, and being with her until she went to bed.
I don't really know if I should be telling any of you this, but I generally like you Orgahs and trust your input. I haven't told my mom yet, or her parents which we're very apprehensive about... and will have to within the next week or so. I've been crunching numbers already on how I can best budget myself for this unexpected surprise, I think I'm financially sound, and that when it does happen I'll have enough to where she can stay home and take care of the child, while I attend college and work.
I've already found the resolve in myself long ago (she had mentioned the possiblity of it earlier) and I find myself a man of honor and compassion so there is without a trace of doubt that I will take care of them both to my utmost abilities, and I refuse to abandon either of them under any circumstances. Even if I have to give up college for awhile. I'm going to have to sell some of my finer amenities, such as the gas-guzzler out back and opt for something small and more efficient (like I shouldn't have already ). I guess I'm a little shocked and scared (actually I'm scared to death)... and yet totally exctatic at the same time. Maybe it's the lack of sleep.

Heres to another .Org Father-to-be

[Fragony]

Let me be the first to tell you, YOU ARE SO SCREWED.

Congrats!

[Byzantine Prince]

Try and find the bright side, instead of dwelling on the wherefore. Now this happened, and there is no way to go back, unless you choose to ignore the situation. But you probably are too much man to do that.
It's scary, but also very fun to have a baby. It's like a new, expensive, messy, time-straining hobby, but also probably the most rewarding one.

Congratulations.

[English assassin]

I've already found the resolve in myself long ago (she had mentioned the possiblity of it earlier) and I find myself a man of honor and compassion so there is without a trace of doubt that I will take care of them both to my utmost abilities, and I refuse to abandon either of them under any circumstances. Even if I have to give up college for awhile.

Good for you mate. I salute you. Best of luck

[LeftEyeNine]

Congrats, Wazikashi. However I can not keep myself from questioning the age of the parents of the baby.

There is no way you are leaving the lady in such situation -I already know you do not intend to. Please examine your present and the future precisely and decide. I think it's not medically too late in case both of you may decide that this is too early.

Raising a child definitely needs more than money. Above love and care you'll be giving to the baby, it needs -especially at such time like yours- dead-sea-like patience. This is primarily related to your characteristics, however young people easily run out of patience. And what's more, the mother, who will be spending all of her time with the baby, is even younger than you. I'm sure you're adults and wise people, however growing a child is generally expected to be the last one happening during "completing" your adulthood life.

This is no childplay, Wazi. After you are done with setting up your mind and feel completely rested, sit down and review what's going on around to make your final decision.

Look what Offspring sang in "Hit That":

What was a family
Is now a shell
We're raising kids now
Who raise themselves
Sex is a weapon
It's like a drug
It gets him right into that grave that he just dug

Do the best thing not only for you two, but also the baby as well, please. World is crowded and cruel enough not to handle a new unhappy kid.

We all hope you'll get over this blur very soon. Now take a beer, you are a father candidate at least for now.

[x-dANGEr]

Congratulations.

Now, you must know that having a baby will tie the possibilities of you, and your girlfriend.. As you won't be able to do any risks financial-work wise. As long as the baby hasn't reached the age 3 months (When it will become alive, kick and do stuff like that), you are free to put it down, the fetus I mean. And I think you should consider that option, and scale the sacrifice you're willing to take, to meet this new part of your soul and hers.

Good luck.

[Rodion Romanovich]

Good luck Wakizashi! Just remember that +1 person is a greater step than +1 postcount, so be sure to think it over. If you do want an abortion it must be done early so it's worth taking the time to think it through at an early stage. If you don't want an abortion, then I second what the others said - it's a great responsibility and make sure you go for it completely! But in the end getting offspring is what life is about, if you're sure she's the right one and so on then there isn't much to worry about if you have the economical abilities to pay upkeep for a family.

[rory_20_uk]

Everybody is "ready" for such things at different points in their lives.

Often the act of such situations makes us improve our game to deal with the situation.

Recently my Father was telling me of a story of a couple he used to know. They were going to have kids but only when certain criteria were met. My Father said that if one proceeds with that attitude likelihood is one never will.

I hope that you are close in geographical and social terms with at least one set of your parents. Grandparents can be a boon in helping spread the load, and it also helps keep them young. They've done it all before, and do have some great tips if you can listen to them (my Mother didn't appreciate being told thick doors was a good solution to children that cry when they don't get their way).

The cons on having children are all to obvious. The pros one has to be there (so I'm told).

I would say that if a child would destroy your life plans then think very carefully. Would you resent your future position in life due to having children too early?

At the end of it all, I wish you well and hope that whatever happens you can pop in here from time to time. We've only got one life to live, so whatever happens just make sure you are at peace with the decision.

And... at least you know you're fertile

[doc_bean]

Congratulations

Don't forget there are two people in a relationship, don't unload all the baby stuff on your girlfriend while you go to college/have a career/whatever. She has as much right to a life as you. At least that will be what she will be screaming at you in a few years if you don't take my advice

You are both very young, and that will put a serious strain on things. You probably only have a vague idea of what you wanted to do with your life, your girlfriend should be fresh out of highschool and probably has given it even less thought. These are the years you are supposed to discover the world, and perhaps more importantly, yourself. I don't have any good advice on how to overcome this unfortunately. Try living life as you would otherwise, but with less drinking and partying, and share the load is the best I can think off.

Good luck, and post cute pictures !

[Byzantine Mercenary]

thats a brave decision youve made, good on you and good luck

[naut]

I wish you the best of luck. /

Review your decisions carefully with you girlfriend, and make sure you are both at a place in your thinking where you are sure that you two will remain strong, and respect and love each-other for a very long time. Be sure that you come to the right conclusion about keeping the baby, be sure you will be able to care and love him/her financially and paternally.

And it is the suprises in life that make life worth living. So make a choice on your instincts, they will guide you true.

In the words of the Chili's:

"Ready Made, Ready Made
Listen you, don’t be afraid"

[Avicenna]

CONGRATULATIONS!!



Just FYI, I don't think condoms are 100% successful.

[doc_bean]

think condoms are 100% successful.

OT: the failure rate WITH PROPER USE is about 4%, in real life however, some studies have shown up to 40% of couples using condoms as the sole contraceptive were 'expecting' within a year. Now that sounds ridicoulously high to me, but the truth is they aren't all that safe. Even with a 4% failure rate, you'd be having unprotected sex once in 25 times, which for an 'active' couple could be more than once a month.
The only really effective contraceptive (apart from abstinence, but that isn't a contraceptive now is it) imo is the pill. There are also lots of negative effects realted to that. First and foremost a highly increased risk for cancer. (Also, it makes some women really fat.)


/me just uses condoms

[rory_20_uk]

Highly increased risk of cancer? Hardly, especially compared to such things as smoking.

Modern contraceptive pills use far less oestrogen and progesterone than ones in the 1960's (and probably the 1990's).

[edyzmedieval]

First of all, congratulations Wakizashi.

Second, very nice and brave if you want to call it like that, to not give up for your child. It takes some guts for that, really, and I think the entire Org should congratulate you for that.

It happens man. Don't be scared, because every man and woman is designed to bring new men and women to life. That's our REAL purpose in life.

Congratulations again and keep us informed!!!

[econ21]

Congratulations, Wakizashi. I know it was not planned, but it has happened and it sounds like you are planning to do the right thing. Remember, lots of young people have got into the same situation as you and lots of kids have grown up happily as a result. With a constructive attitude, like you and your girlfriend have, and some support from your families etc, you should be fine.

My only piece of advice would be to always think of the child. Soon you are going to be in two incredibly important relationships - the one you already have with your girlfriend and the one you are going to have with your child. Don't let your relationship with your child stand or fall on your relationship with the mother. Hopefully, everything will work out but 6 months of a relationship is not long and you are both young for a life time commitment. But no matter what happens in the future with you and your girlfriend, you will always be that child's father. And speaking from personal experience, that relationship may be the most transforming thing in your life.

[yesdachi]

Congratulations!

The prospect of a baby is definitely exciting and scary but the benefits are well worth the scare, no one loves you unconditionally like your own child, that’s the best thing in the whole world!

I would recommend searching your hart and if you really love this girl, do it! All the way! Have the baby, get married, become a family. Statistically you’ve got at least a 50/50% shot at a forever relationship, why not roll the dice and give it your best shot! Let money be a secondary concern, there is lots of it out there but there is not a lot of women you love.

If you do, don’t let her put off education or career plans. She will hate you for it, she will actually herself but it will be directed at you, don’t let it happen.

Congratulations again and good luck!

[naut]

If you do, don’t let her put off education or career plans. She will hate you for it, she will actually herself but it will be directed at you, don’t let it happen.

True. Make choices as a couple, not as individuals.

[Samurai Waki]

Well I've had a couple of hours to rest up and I've been a lot more mentally at ease about it so far. First off, both Abortion and/or adoption are out, we'd already decided on that. The marriage option is on the table, but I certainly don't want to make her feel that it is forced and of course, because of our situation I will have to probably pay child-support until we actually decide to legally marry (by the time the Child is born and if we're still living together we'll technically be in a non-contract marriage) which means we can claim each other and of course the child as dependents for taxes.
She really didn't have any college plans that I know of anyway, and quite frankly hates her job and has wanted to quit for some time. Since I was a younger lad, I've always been quite shrewed with money, and because of my fathers death a little while ago (which actually upsets me that if all goes well, and the Child is born healthy and breathing he/she will never have had the priviledge to meet him) I was willed over a small fortune, so it's not like I'm completely broke, but I want to keep as much of that cash intact as I can for their benefit later on in life.
Well, I guess I'll try to keep you as informed as I can. Cheers!!!!

[Gregoshi]

Good luck and congratulations (in an "Oops! Surprise! Let's make the best of it" kind of way) Wakizashi. From what you told us, you and your girlfriend are going about this in the right way and in a very mature manner. I'm sure the two of you will work it out for the best of all. They say the best judge of ones character is by how they respond to adversity. Your's is clearly one to admire.

[Banquo's Ghost]

I would like to add my respect for the mature and sensible way you have thought this through, and discussed it with your partner. That holds out a lot of hope for your future happiness.

You might want to leave marriage issues till after the birth. That level of commitment is a whole new ball game and you will have quite enough stress with the current situation. You may well feel after the birth that getting married is just what you want, in which case you can plan accordingly. There's no need to rush into something like that these days, and doing so might just tip your relationship over the edge.

Keep seeking advice (not necessarily from the .orgers, but from many trusted sources) and keep talking through your thoughts, fears and hopes with your partner. Let her do the same, and really listen. Women can get very emotional during this time (you too, actually!) and listening will bring her closer to you.

You are very wise for your young age, and I wish you both the very best. May your child be the star of your lives. A whole new path is opening up for you.

[LeftEyeNine]

So your choice is done clear, we are left here to wish the best for you. Intellectual dialogue will absolutely benefit you two to cope with all good and bad of this surprise.

Keep us informed, Wazi. And may your father rest in peace, he should be feeling proud to have risen a mature son.

[A.Saturnus]

I think you'll make a great father. You love your girlfriend, you're a man of honour, money isn't a serious problem, so I think everything will turn out alright. Sometimes decisions are forced upon us, but these not not necessarily the worst ones.
That doesn't mean you'll not be a mental wrack soon

[Papewaio]

Congrats Wakizashi-sama !

1st Get Healthy. Your partner will have to eat healthy so start right now in doing the same. You will also need to be fit when the baby is born. The first 6 weeks as a newborn is hell on the parents you will suffer from sleep depravation, you will be very very tired, you will need to be as fit as you can to deal with everything.

2nd A little knowledge goes a long way. Learn about what you can do for your partner and the child. It will remove some of the worries from yourself, make you feel more confident, and if you are seen to be learning about it your partner will feel more confident in you too.

3rd Enjoy it. Really. They are the timetable. So for now lavish attention on your partner, go to the movies (you won't be able to for some time after the child is born), do things as a couple. When the child is born you are going to have some very tough times, simply put the child first, enjoy the small moments and things will eventually fall into place.

4th Ask Idaho-sama, he survived twins.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Good luck mate, best wishes.

[Reverend Joe]

Listen, man, you be goddamned careful. Look deep inside your psyche, and decide whether you really want to have the kid, or whether people are just pressuring you two into it. You are your own, man, and you make your own decisions.

If, of course, you really do want to have the kid, fine. No problem. But if you (and ESPECIALLY if your girlfriend) are being pressured into it- don't do it. These things have consequences, and they will come to light, sooner or later, one way or another.

Again, if you do want to have the kid, don't be pressured out of it, especially not by someone like me. Have him/her, take damn good care of the kid, and for god's sake, if it's a girl, keep her the hell away from people like me.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Congratulations!

You are a good man, and I know you will do well.

God Bless,
Crazed Rabbit

[Divinus Arma]

I'm glad to hear abortion is out of the question.

That is a human being you have there. Adoption is fine, but abortion? That's a person dude. So good choice to the both of you.

As a father-to-be myself, I can never again say that abortion is acceptable unless very very very serious birth defects are present.

That said, ya. You are pretty screwed. Don't marry her. Dating for six months? You'll regret it. She's just a lay at six months. You won't even begin to really know each for at least another 2 years.

Trust me. I got married at 20.

(and we are still married, many years later)

Luckily we shared similar views in politics, role realtionships, and religion. It would have been bad otherwise.

I would say skip marriage for now and get to know each other. You can still have the benefits of father hood without the emotional attachment to the mother.

It is better to start off divorced than end up divorced. ya know?

[Papewaio]

I was two weeks short of thirty when I got married, while my brother was 23 and got married last year. He is the more emotionally mature of the two of us. So don't worry too much about your age or even politics... having differences is afterall what being men and women is and is fun too... just make sure that you learn to argue, learn more about each other and keep your partner interested by keeping to learn new things. Learning is life and life is learning.

BTW Do some of the domesitc chores... if for only selfish reasons.

[Strike For The South]

You are a good man Wazhaski. Many others wouldve cut and run