I wonder what happens on fast forward?

07-19-2006, 08:36 #1

L'Etranger Senior Member

I wonder what happens on fast forward?

This little gem made me giggle over coffee this morning.

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Garage door remote triggers man's erection
Hard luck for implant chap
By Lester Haines
Published Wednesday 19th July 2006 07:02 GMT

An anonymous Merseyside man who had an implant to "help with erection problems" has found he becomes uncontrollably aroused every time his neighbour pulls up in his 4X4, the Scottish Daily Record reports.

The spontaneous hardening is due not to a Liverpudlian all-terrain fetish, but rather to the car owner's garage door remote which, well, here's a transcript of the conversation the poor chap had with BBC Radio Merseyside host Roger Phillips when he rather splendidly chose to share his woes with the world:

CALLER: I had a problem with impotence and I had an operation in Turkey and got an implant which would help.
HOST: I know the sort of thing.
CALLER: But what is happening now is every time my neighbour comes back in their 4 x 4, I get an erection.
HOST: Good Lord.
CALLER: This is embarrassing. It's a big problem.
HOST: Have you been to see your doctor about it?
CALLER: The problem is I had this done in Turkey, using equipment that is not known in this country. I don't like it because every time his car pulls in I can't leave the house.
HOST: (Laughing) I'm afraid that it sounds funny as well. I know it's not funny for you.
CALLER: It's not funny for me, Roger, when I can't leave the house because I'm walking around with a big erection.
HOST: You're going to have to go and see a doctor.

Terrific, although quite what your average GP is going to make of the first recorded case of "Turkish garage door remote spontaneous priapism syndrome" is anyone's guess.

"If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
Albert Camus "Noces"

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07-19-2006, 15:14 #2

Vladimir

Enlightened Despot Member

Re: I wonder what happens on fast forward?

That's interesting. Remote control erection say you? I'm still stuck on the part about going to Turkey for the operation. Any place closer?

Reinvent the British and you get a global finance center, edible food and better service. Reinvent the French and you may just get more Germans.

Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars

How do you motivate your employees? Waterboarding, of course.

Ik hou van ferme grieten en dikke pinten
Down with dried flowers!

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07-19-2006, 21:52 #3

Csargo

Senior Member Senior Member

Yeti Sports 1.5 Champion, Snowboard Slalom Champion, Monkey Jump Champion, Mosquito Kill Champion

Re: I wonder what happens on fast forward?

Oh

Thats the funniest thing I've heard all day.

Originally Posted by Sooh

I wonder if I can make Csargo cry harder by doing everyone but his ISO.

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07-19-2006, 22:30 #4

InsaneApache

Clan Clan

Re: I wonder what happens on fast forward?

I wonder what happens on fast forward?

Does he ejaculate?

There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

"The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

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07-19-2006, 23:15 #5

Blodrast

Member Member

Re: I wonder what happens on fast forward?

The remote would be the perfect gift for your wife/loved one: "Honey, I'm home !" While pulling up on the driveway, she makes sure everything is in place, and she will get a warm welcome home...

Also gives new meaning to "Are you happy to see me?"...

Last edited by Blodrast; 07-19-2006 at 23:16.

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

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07-19-2006, 23:28 #6

InsaneApache

Clan Clan

Re: I wonder what happens on fast forward?

or is that my remote-commander in your pocket?

There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

"The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."