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  1. #1

    Default Re: One Fine Teacher at Addie Historical High

    Great comments Jim Bob. Solid constructive criticism.

    To reply to a few:

    Damn

    I assume you refer to her situation. Glad it worked that way.

    The pacing is wonderful

    Thank you.

    Will autumn be a theme throughout?

    I am using autumn for several reasons: Character development, time orientation for the reader, and atmosphere.

    This tool gets a little stale about here. Long sentence, long sentence, long sentence, short sentence as a paragraph pattern is used often. It is one of my favorite patterns but it gets old after a while.

    I'll keep an eye on that. Thank you for pointing it out.

    This section is the weakest of the bunch. The characters don't stand out much at all and generally blend together. If this scene is meant to be murky in build up to a new storyline then disregard this. If not it needs to be seriously reworked.

    It is a character tease. It is meant to be vague and offer a "what the heck is going on?" feeling for the reader. It also offers a break and distraction from the buildup of suspense and tension. Some of these characters will later be fully developed and critically important. The current similarity between them is an attempt to focus more on the bleak living conditions they all share. You'll notice in my writing that critical charcters enjoy an introduction to their full name at the moment the character becomes important to the plot. Any comments to offer on my technique?

    Last edited by Divinus Arma; 01-03-2007 at 18:03.
    "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Einstein

    Quote Originally Posted by Pannonian View Post
    The Backroom is the Crackroom.

  2. #2
    The Blade Member JimBob's Avatar
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    Default Re: One Fine Teacher at Addie Historical High

    Damn

    I assume you refer to her situation. Glad it worked that way.
    It's set up perfectly, the key of that line is delivered so flippantly that the reader almost double takes.

    And since that is a tease all my problems with it will disappear come the next section. Disregard
    Sometimes I slumber on a bed of roses
    Sometimes I crash in the weeds
    One day a bowl full of cherries
    One night I'm suckin' on lemons and spittin' out the seeds
    -Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers, Lemons

  3. #3

    Default Re: One Fine Teacher at Addie Historical High

    Updated
    Last edited by Divinus Arma; 01-04-2007 at 06:32.
    "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Einstein

    Quote Originally Posted by Pannonian View Post
    The Backroom is the Crackroom.

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