Addie Historical High

[Divinus Arma]

Great comments Jim Bob. Solid constructive criticism.

To reply to a few:

Damn

I assume you refer to her situation. Glad it worked that way.

The pacing is wonderful

Thank you.

Will autumn be a theme throughout?

I am using autumn for several reasons: Character development, time orientation for the reader, and atmosphere.

This tool gets a little stale about here. Long sentence, long sentence, long sentence, short sentence as a paragraph pattern is used often. It is one of my favorite patterns but it gets old after a while.

I'll keep an eye on that. Thank you for pointing it out.

This section is the weakest of the bunch. The characters don't stand out much at all and generally blend together. If this scene is meant to be murky in build up to a new storyline then disregard this. If not it needs to be seriously reworked.

It is a character tease. It is meant to be vague and offer a "what the heck is going on?" feeling for the reader. It also offers a break and distraction from the buildup of suspense and tension. Some of these characters will later be fully developed and critically important. The current similarity between them is an attempt to focus more on the bleak living conditions they all share. You'll notice in my writing that critical charcters enjoy an introduction to their full name at the moment the character becomes important to the plot. Any comments to offer on my technique?

[JimBob]

Damn

I assume you refer to her situation. Glad it worked that way.

It's set up perfectly, the key of that line is delivered so flippantly that the reader almost double takes.

And since that is a tease all my problems with it will disappear come the next section. Disregard

[Divinus Arma]

Updated