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Thread: Lebanese Humour
No, not Lebanese Hummus.
Those silly Lebanese.
Actually, I read a news article today about a young Lebanese woman. She had lived next to the Al-Manar office. Now sitting there in the ruins of her home, she began reading a newspaper and remarked: “At least I have a view now.” Interestingly, it is an attitude I have encountered more among Lebanese than, for instance, Palestinians and Syrians.
I can’t begin to imagine how it must be like to grow up in Lebanon. First the civil war, then Israeli bombardments. Sheesh.
Originally Posted by :
Even in wartime, Lebanese find a way to laugh at their situation
BEIRUT - With a bit of fortitude and loads of wit, there are laughs to be had, even in wartime.
Barely a week into a war that sent the hopes of many Lebanese tumbling down with their bridges, buildings and roads, stunned civilians trapped in the crossfire started trading self-deprecating gags about their situation.
As sad as the tales of death and the exodus of 1 million people displaced from their homes into empty schools and government buildings have been, the Lebanese have found ways to make light of their own plight.
As one joke has it, residents fleeing the Shiite suburbs of Beirut were flashing the victory sign -- to indicate that only two buildings were still left standing.
It was followed by excited speculation that real estate values in the poor neighborhood of Ain al-Rummaneh, a crowded cluster of aging buildings overlooking the southern suburbs, had shot up by 50 percent. Why? It now has a sea view.
People are petrified of honoring their dental appointments out of fear they may have bridgework done, goes another favorite. So contagious have these stories been that in one refugee center, Marwa Saad, 15, whose family was driven out by fierce fighting near the southern market town of Nabatiyeh, did not dare utter a word without covering her mouthful of braces.
"Everyone keeps teasing me; they bully me to keep my mouth shut so we don't get hit by Israeli jets," she said about her friends, giggling with her hand to her mouth.
Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos, dispatched by the Hezbollah leadership to Israel to conduct negotiations. She returns pregnant. When confronted about her condition, the anecdote goes, Wehbe insisted she was only trying to help: "I thought I would get you another small hostage."
Some jokes target the Syrians for causing the crisis by allowing arms to flow to Hezbollah and pressuring the Lebanese government to let the group keep its arms. One joke says the Israelis cannot aim at the Syrian inhabitants of Homs. Why? Because the Israelis only have smart bombs.
Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah is also the butt of some humor. The elderly women of the Christian neighborhood of Ashrafiyeh regard Nasrallah as their new idol and sex symbol, goes one line, because he has taken them back 40 years.
Another joke extols Nasrallah, saying he is now worthy of a statue since he managed to put the entire Shiite Muslim community, with its high rate of illiteracy, in schools.
The most popular joke about this round of war in Lebanon is crafted around a fictitious Archie Bunker-like figure who is a fumbling caricature of all the failings of the Lebanese. During 30 years of war, jokes about the character, Abul Abed, have carried many a social event into the early morning hours with thigh-slapping, fall-off-the-chair laughter.
The latest installment recounts how Abul Abed calls Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and boasts that he has four neighborhood thugs who will really make life difficult for Israeli soldiers if they dare venture north of the border. Olmert laughs and says that just one Israeli brigade could overrun his whole neighborhood in hours. "I'll get back to you," barks Abul Abed.
When he calls Tel Aviv again, Abul Abed threatens to collect every bar bouncer, alley hoodlum and thug from Tyre to Tripoli to fend off the Israeli assault. Olmert simply tells him that he will send the air force, naval fleet and ground forces to invade. "I'll call you after I have conferred with my generals," Abul Abed says confidently.
He calls back boasting to Olmert that he has now collected thousands of followers of the Abul Abed Movement who are ready with shoulder-mounted rockets like the Mujahedeen of Afghanistan. Olmert whistles facetiously: "You will be no match for the 2 million Israeli soldiers massed along the border, ready to attack."
"Two million?" asks Abul Abed. "In that case I am going to have to surrender. We simply do not have enough room to keep 2 million hostages."
© 2006 The Washington Post Company
Even in wartime, Lebanese find a way to laugh at their situation
BEIRUT - With a bit of fortitude and loads of wit, there are laughs to be had, even in wartime.
Barely a week into a war that sent the hopes of many Lebanese tumbling down with their bridges, buildings and roads, stunned civilians trapped in the crossfire started trading self-deprecating gags about their situation.
As sad as the tales of death and the exodus of 1 million people displaced from their homes into empty schools and government buildings have been, the Lebanese have found ways to make light of their own plight.
As one joke has it, residents fleeing the Shiite suburbs of Beirut were flashing the victory sign -- to indicate that only two buildings were still left standing.
It was followed by excited speculation that real estate values in the poor neighborhood of Ain al-Rummaneh, a crowded cluster of aging buildings overlooking the southern suburbs, had shot up by 50 percent. Why? It now has a sea view.
People are petrified of honoring their dental appointments out of fear they may have bridgework done, goes another favorite. So contagious have these stories been that in one refugee center, Marwa Saad, 15, whose family was driven out by fierce fighting near the southern market town of Nabatiyeh, did not dare utter a word without covering her mouthful of braces.
"Everyone keeps teasing me; they bully me to keep my mouth shut so we don't get hit by Israeli jets," she said about her friends, giggling with her hand to her mouth.
Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos, dispatched by the Hezbollah leadership to Israel to conduct negotiations. She returns pregnant. When confronted about her condition, the anecdote goes, Wehbe insisted she was only trying to help: "I thought I would get you another small hostage."
Some jokes target the Syrians for causing the crisis by allowing arms to flow to Hezbollah and pressuring the Lebanese government to let the group keep its arms. One joke says the Israelis cannot aim at the Syrian inhabitants of Homs. Why? Because the Israelis only have smart bombs.
Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah is also the butt of some humor. The elderly women of the Christian neighborhood of Ashrafiyeh regard Nasrallah as their new idol and sex symbol, goes one line, because he has taken them back 40 years.
Another joke extols Nasrallah, saying he is now worthy of a statue since he managed to put the entire Shiite Muslim community, with its high rate of illiteracy, in schools.
The most popular joke about this round of war in Lebanon is crafted around a fictitious Archie Bunker-like figure who is a fumbling caricature of all the failings of the Lebanese. During 30 years of war, jokes about the character, Abul Abed, have carried many a social event into the early morning hours with thigh-slapping, fall-off-the-chair laughter.
The latest installment recounts how Abul Abed calls Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and boasts that he has four neighborhood thugs who will really make life difficult for Israeli soldiers if they dare venture north of the border. Olmert laughs and says that just one Israeli brigade could overrun his whole neighborhood in hours. "I'll get back to you," barks Abul Abed.
When he calls Tel Aviv again, Abul Abed threatens to collect every bar bouncer, alley hoodlum and thug from Tyre to Tripoli to fend off the Israeli assault. Olmert simply tells him that he will send the air force, naval fleet and ground forces to invade. "I'll call you after I have conferred with my generals," Abul Abed says confidently.
He calls back boasting to Olmert that he has now collected thousands of followers of the Abul Abed Movement who are ready with shoulder-mounted rockets like the Mujahedeen of Afghanistan. Olmert whistles facetiously: "You will be no match for the 2 million Israeli soldiers massed along the border, ready to attack."
"Two million?" asks Abul Abed. "In that case I am going to have to surrender. We simply do not have enough room to keep 2 million hostages."
© 2006 The Washington Post Company
Those silly Lebanese.
Actually, I read a news article today about a young Lebanese woman. She had lived next to the Al-Manar office. Now sitting there in the ruins of her home, she began reading a newspaper and remarked: “At least I have a view now.” Interestingly, it is an attitude I have encountered more among Lebanese than, for instance, Palestinians and Syrians.
I can’t begin to imagine how it must be like to grow up in Lebanon. First the civil war, then Israeli bombardments. Sheesh.
Wow.
Originally Posted by Dâriûsh:
No, not Lebanese Hummus.
Those silly Lebanese.
Actually, I read a news article today about a young Lebanese woman. She had lived next to the Al-Manar office. Now sitting there in the ruins of her home, she began reading a newspaper and remarked: “At least I have a view now.” Interestingly, it is an attitude I have encountered more among Lebanese than, for instance, Palestinians and Syrians.
I can’t begin to imagine how it must be like to grow up in Lebanon. First the civil war, then Israeli bombardments. Sheesh.
:haha: this almost makes them seem...human. Or British.No, not Lebanese Hummus.
Those silly Lebanese.
Actually, I read a news article today about a young Lebanese woman. She had lived next to the Al-Manar office. Now sitting there in the ruins of her home, she began reading a newspaper and remarked: “At least I have a view now.” Interestingly, it is an attitude I have encountered more among Lebanese than, for instance, Palestinians and Syrians.
I can’t begin to imagine how it must be like to grow up in Lebanon. First the civil war, then Israeli bombardments. Sheesh.
I have herd that last joke before, only it was between the Irish and French.
Thanks for sharing the humour Dâriûsh. That is pretty funny stuff. I agree with whyidie that the humour adds a more human element to people caught in an inhuman situation.
Originally Posted by The_Doctor:
I have herd that last joke before, only it was between the Irish and French.
Which side was one which end. The Irish and the French rarely war, to my knowledj.I have herd that last joke before, only it was between the Irish and French.
Seems just like dry British wit.
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and
we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and
we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
Thats the one.
He calls back boasting to Olmert that he has now collected thousands of followers of the Abul Abed Movement who are ready with shoulder-mounted rockets like the Mujahedeen of Afghanistan. Olmert whistles facetiously: "You will be no match for the 2 million Israeli soldiers massed along the border, ready to attack."
"Two million?" asks Abul Abed. "In that case I am going to have to surrender. We simply do not have enough room to keep 2 million hostages
"Two million?" asks Abul Abed. "In that case I am going to have to surrender. We simply do not have enough room to keep 2 million hostages
That happens with life. When you see everything is lost, you have nothing else to lose, you suddenly become normal again, accepting the situation.
Therefore, the jokes, in the inhumane land.
Therefore, the jokes, in the inhumane land.
Originally Posted by :
Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos, dispatched by the Hezbollah leadership to Israel to conduct negotiations. She returns pregnant. When confronted about her condition, the anecdote goes, Wehbe insisted she was only trying to help: "I thought I would get you another small hostage."
Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos, dispatched by the Hezbollah leadership to Israel to conduct negotiations. She returns pregnant. When confronted about her condition, the anecdote goes, Wehbe insisted she was only trying to help: "I thought I would get you another small hostage."
She's holding my seed hostage!
Hehehe. Thank you Duke.
Originally Posted by :
Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos...
Don't know if that's pun (sort of) intended or not, but she is quite the looker.Another story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos...
http://www3.24h.com.vn/upload/news/2...-wehbe-036.jpg
Y'know, between her and some of the Miss Lebanons, the country churns out almost as many beautiful women as rockets.
http://www.daleelaustralia.com/media..._lebanon_7.jpg
She’s not the one singing about Shahadra in the concert hall is she? Her singing was HORRIBLE. So she was the representative of Hezibobo? What’s the deal with Lebanese beauty queens and terrorists? There’s been at least one who married a wacko in the 80’s. Maybe it’s that badboy fetish young women have.
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