Politeness to perverts

[Beirut]

So, between jobs today in my small town, I go into our local grocery store to grab some lunch and lo and behold, there's Mr. ________, who I haven't seen in months, who has been charged with 30+ counts of gross indecency with boys who were his students at high school in the city back in the '70s. I was one of his students, though not one of his victims.

I knew Mr. _____ had all these counts against him, it was in the news, and we all knew what he was doing in high school anyway, but the staff ignored it since he was a very good teacher. When charges were brought against him a few months back, it was no surprise to me.

Anyway, I'm picking up a few things to eat for me and my buddy and there's Mr. ____ right beside me. I looked him right in the eye and asked him how he was. He said "You know, ups and downs, good times and bad." I said it was the same with me. We said goodbye and he left. That's it.

The point is, afterwards I really wondered about my behaviour. Should I have ignored him? Should I have blasted him? The way I figure, he'll have his day in court (soon) and he'll stand tall before the man and get what's coming to him, so it's not for me to dish out punishment. As much as I was honest when I asked him how he was, I would also be honest and say "Look Mr. ______, you and I have never had a bad word, but if you get locked up for ten years, well, you got it coming to you. You know that and so do I"

That's it. Just something I've been thinking about for the past few hours. It's easy to sit in front of your computer and say "Oh man, I'd... !!!", but in real life with people you've know for thirty years, it's weird how the dichotomy of wanting to be a nice guy yet still wanting justice to be done mix in your brain and your behaviour.

[whyidie]

So, between jobs today in my small town, I go into our local grocery store to grab some lunch and lo and behold, there's Mr. ________, who I haven't seen in months, who has been charged with 30+ counts of gross indecency with boys who were his students at high school in the city back in the '70s. I was one of his students, though not one of his victims.

I knew Mr. _____ had all these counts against him, it was in the news, and we all knew what he was doing in high school anyway, but the staff ignored it since he was a very good teacher. When charges were brought against him a few months back, it was no surprise to me.

Anyway, I'm picking up a few things to eat for me and my buddy and there's Mr. ____ right beside me. I looked him right in the eye and asked him how he was. He said "You know, ups and downs, good times and bad." I said it was the same with me. We said goodbye and he left. That's it.

The point is, afterwards I really wondered about my behaviour. Should I have ignored him? Should I have blasted him? The way I figure, he'll have his day in court (soon) and he'll stand tall before the man and get what's coming to him, so it's not for me to dish out punishment. As much as I was honest when I asked him how he was, I would also be honest and say "Look Mr. ______, you and I have never had a bad word, but if you get locked up for ten years, well, you got it coming to you. You know that and so do I"

That's it. Just something I've been thinking about for the past few hours. It's easy to sit in front of your computer and say "Oh man, I'd... !!!", but in real life with people you've know for thirty years, it's weird how the dichotomy of wanting to be a nice guy yet still wanting justice to be done mix in your brain and your behaviour.

Personally I wouldn't have said anything to the guy other than "Mr. _______" or however it is you address him and a look in the eye. Not stink eye or evil eye. Just a measured even look. Let the law deal with him.

If one of the kids were mine though...

[Devastatin Dave]

No worries. Atleast you didn't give him a big hug and a kiss like JAG would have. I wouldn't feel bad about it, its not like you should have punched him or anything. There's no reason to be rude unless he's rude to you first.

[Beirut]

No worries. Atleast you didn't give him a big hug and a kiss like JAG would have. I wouldn't feel bad about it, its not like you should have punched him or anything. There's no reason to be rude unless he's rude to you first.

DD, your thoughtfullness, insight, and calm lucidity are nearly unhinging me.

I think you hit it right on with the rudeness aspect. Someone here has a quote from Churchill; "If you're going to kill a man, it doesn't cost you anything to be polite about it." Something like that. That's what's been running through my head since I saw Mr. ________.

[The Spartan (Returns)]

wow.........

[Papewaio]

And innocent until proven guilty so treat him like a normal citizen... mind you I wouldn't be using him as a babysitter in a hurry either.

[Blodrast]

When I saw "pervert" in the topic, I thought "That's definitely a thread for me!".
Polite? Check. Pervert ? Check. Therefore, thread is certainly of interest.

Ok, seriously now, I agree with the previous posters.
Saying nothing to him would have also been ok, imo. Yours is not the stone to throw, so even if you did/do feel certain unchristian feelings towards him, as you well said, he will pay his dues soon enough. Of course that doesn't mean you have to like him, or anything, or even sympathize. If he's guilty (and I understand he is), then you can't possibly have good feelings towards him, and it would only be hypocritical of you to try to make conversation as if he were a friend. Also, spitting him in the face would only demean _you_. I'll agree that sometimes there are occasions when one can/should take the law into his own hands, but this was by no means either that extreme, or appropriate at all - since he'll be dealing with the law soon enough.

So, in conclusion, I think you don't need to spend overmuch time debating what an appropriate attitude would have been. I think your instincts, based on your principles and morals, took precedence when you met him, and that's all well and good.
If you're looking for more assurance, try to imagine the other two scenarios (you being all friendly with him, and you punching him in the face), and try to rationalize how that would have made _you_ feel, afterwards. I obviously can't know you too well through the limited means a forum board can provide, but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure you would have felt the lesser man afterwards in either case.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

I agree with your actions. An excellent display of gentility on your part.

Even if guilty of all of the crimes alleged, how would that justify your rudeness? It would be nothing more than a grown-up's tantrum.

My Dad once told me, and I have come to agree, that there are a number of reasons/situations wherein you may be justified in killing someone, but virtually none in which your rudeness is justified.

Added: I forgot my own rule once on this forum, and let a "Shambles" of a poster prompt me to rudeness. I was promptly -- and correctly -- whomped with a banstick. The poster's rudeness did not justify my own.

[Oaty]

Another good reason to be polite, wether you want to or not. Would be when he gets out, and (if he) runs into you again might trigger something. At least this way your on his good side.

[whyidie]

Another good reason to be polite, wether you want to or not. Would be when he gets out, and (if he) runs into you again might trigger something. At least this way your on his good side.

Wha ? Who cares if you're on his good side or not ? Sure, be polite, but I wouldn't concern myself with upsetting a convicted child molester.

[Oaty]

Wha ? Who cares if you're on his good side or not ? Sure, be polite, but I wouldn't concern myself with upsetting a convicted child molester.

The point is criminals have a corrupted mind and ticking one off may lead to your death the next time you meet up with him. Would you really go into a jail and yell ~your a bunch of ################ and throw in some more insults then give them your name and address. Also if he could have had many verbal assaults on him already, Throw in the fact he could be going to jail for over 20 years..................... heck might as well go for life and save a few trees while at it.

[IrishArmenian]

I agree with your actions. An excellent display of gentility on your part.

Even if guilty of all of the crimes alleged, how would that justify your rudeness? It would be nothing more than a grown-up's tantrum.

My Dad once told me, and I have come to agree, that there are a number of reasons/situations wherein you may be justified in killing someone, but virtually none in which your rudeness is justified.

Added: I forgot my own rule once on this forum, and let a "Shambles" of a poster prompt me to rudeness. I was promptly -- and correctly -- whomped with a banstick. The poster's rudeness did not justify my own.

I agree with Seamus, except for the added part. I have no clue what gentility is, but I beleive it means polite...that and it sounds good.

[Fragony]

You should have ripped both his heads of.

[Banquo's Ghost]

You behaved like a gentleman. If the man in question has any shreds of decency left, such neutral, strained experiences with people that he has known, from a community where he held a position of respect as a teacher, should shame him to the very core.

Shame he will suffer all his life, even if he moves far away.

If he has no shame, then anything you could say or do would have no meaning, except to damage you.

Seamus put it very well.

[Hepcat]

There was a similar incident that one of my teachers, Mr. Pierce, told me about, however if he had of reached the guy before the police he would not have been quite so civil to him (when he began telling the story he wrote the man's name up on the board in big letters and 'Filthy stinking pervert' below).

His daughter had just gotten a mobile phone for her birthday (I think she was about 12) when she was at intermediate school and one of the male assistant teachers she had got her number. At first nothing happened but then started texting her things like "I am in the bath and thinking of you." and even more explicit stuff.

Once she showed the messages to her father he wasn't too pleased (as you can imagine). He phoned the police, contacted the board at the school and tried to get filthy stinking pervert on his CV as well as anything else he could think of to make his life difficuilt in this city (I don't think the guy got charged with anything). Fortunately the police found the guy before Mr Pierce did and brought him in. Mr Pierce begged the police officer for just 2 minutes alone and unsupervised with the guy but he wasn't allowed. The moral of the story was that he asked the class that if we ever met this guy to kick him in the balls and say it was from him.

Not that I would do that since I agree with you all about being civil, however this guy got off with NO CHARGES! There has got to be something wrong with that!

[The Spartan (Returns)]

i almost thought this thread was a warning for posting pr0n or its a pr0n thread.

[Devastatin Dave]

DD, your thoughtfullness, insight, and calm lucidity are nearly unhinging me.

I think you hit it right on with the rudeness aspect. Someone here has a quote from Churchill; "If you're going to kill a man, it doesn't cost you anything to be polite about it." Something like that. That's what's been running through my head since I saw Mr. ________.

Thanks, sorry to "unhinge" you!!!
In real life, I'm always polite and couteous. You guys here in the backroom are just unfortunate that I release my inner demons and rudeness upon the backroom.

[whyidie]

The point is criminals have a corrupted mind and ticking one off may lead to your death the next time you meet up with him. .

No way. I am a master of nine forms of mortal combat.

Would you really go into a jail and yell ~your a bunch of ################ and throw in some more insults then give them your name and address.

I do this all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm at 4832 Tough Street USofkickyourA if any of you forum losers want to take me up.

Also if he could have had many verbal assaults on him already, Throw in the fact he could be going to jail for over 20 years..................... heck might as well go for life and save a few trees while at it.

I like trees.

[The Spartan (Returns)]

i like chicken.

[whyidie]

i like chicken.

Chicken is fowl. Cow is divine. Especially in India.

[JFC]

Anyway, I'm picking up a few things to eat for me and my buddy and there's Mr. ____ right beside me. I looked him right in the eye and asked him how he was. He said "You know, ups and downs,

Ups and Downs??!! I would have stopped him there and said, "Wo, Wo, Wo, Sweet Child O Mine! That's Enough!"

[Andres]

And innocent until proven guilty

Let the system deal with him.

You did the right thing (which isn't always the easiest thing to do).

[Beirut]

In real life, I'm always polite and couteous. You guys here in the backroom are just unfortunate that I release my inner demons and rudeness upon the backroom.

That's the key - in real life. Our opinions expressed here are a particular veneer of our self portraits. In all truth, I have a very hard time being confrontational unless the situation is serious. In the situation I was in, that being one of no danger to anyone (especially me, the guy's over 70), I went into my day to day auto mode and said "Hi, how ya doing?"


Such a difference between how we think we will act and react and how we actually act and react. In any case, I'm glad my default setting is "nice". I can live with that even if it gives me pause for thought sometimes.

[Celtic_Guardian]

Personally I wouldn't have said anything to the guy other than "Mr. _______" or however it is you address him and a look in the eye. Not stink eye or evil eye. Just a measured even look. Let the law deal with him.

If one of the kids were mine though...

Exactly, I don't know what i would do, probably this, but if one of the kids was my younger brother.........